how to deal with marriage as an adoptee?

I'm originally from India and my basic background is that I was adopted by people from the UK but before I was adopted, I was passed through two different families before being handed to my eventual a-parents. 4 years later, my a-mum died and my a-dad remarried within a year. We moved house a lot and I moved schools several times. It was only at 13 that I really started to question my background and who I was, but the words didn't come until I was much older. At 16, my family moved to Spain for several years and I then moved to London for 8 years on my own. These 8 years in London were my most destructive as I engaged in an abusive relationship which I felt was just and what I deserved. I became a shell of my former self who people considered smart, happy and the do-gooder. When I eventually got myself out of London, I returned home having met a man who listened to me and understood me in ways no one has ever tried before. He got my frustration with life and my difficulty with trust and abandonment. He understood my irrational fear of being left behind and left alone for too long to ponder on where he might be or that he might leave me and forget me. This is the man I married, I couldn't have asked for a better man, but now I am for some reason ruining everything we have stood for. With more commitment, the more I get angry and confused. I don't understand what is going on with me, but all the fear and anger and rage within me is building up to a point that I cannot control it any longer. I watch myself in our arguments and I want to stop myself, but I don't know how. I'm sure this seems completely insane to some people, but it feels like this darkness that takes over the loving and compassionate me and makes me into the thing I hate most. Our marriage can't take many more of these arguments and irrational outbursts- I want to gain control and to understand how to cope and deal with things. Can anyone help me please?