african american vs aa/ca

WOW! Our agency kept the international and domestic fmailies separate. I can't believe how racist those parents are to spout about their Chinese children in such a blatently stereotypical way. Sheesh! I also can't believe the agency allowed that to continue. Our agency did encourage the CA and non-CA groups to mingle. It worked for us! We are SO happy we opened up our options! Sarah p.s. Trasracial=ANY race other than your OWN!

Kelli: Got to agree with you. When we first adopted, we lived overseas in Okinawa, Japan. We wanted to adopt the children that were hardest to place; and we had known the children who were AA/Asian were just that. I had met---in college classes---an AA mother who had come to the island with three children, and was leaving with six! (Boy, I envied her!) So, the only agency on the island could not understand why this caucasian looking couple (and I say so, because everyone is multi-racial)...would NOT want a CC baby. (Nor could they fathom why we would CHOOSE adoption over having bio kids.) HOWEVER....when we said that we would first want an AA/Asian baby.......they (agency) had to take it under consideration! (Back in 1980) Once done, they conferred with us again and said, "Mr Z....your complection is fine.....but Mrs. Z.....you are too fair complected." We were both AMAZED! So, what did they do? They 'let us' adopt from Korea. The next choice for us because, again, the timing was shorter and the placements many. After we received our daughter (from Korea).......we came back to the agency in one year (requirement of agency...the one year rule).....and again, they actually said, "NOW....you will want a CC baby!!!!! (smiling)" Again....we said, "NO!....won't accept one...don't even consider it." They told us we would not be stationed on the island long enough....it would never happen, etc. We searched on our own and found our little boy...who is now grown. We've gone the older child route...and the system did everything it could, it seemed, NOT to place AA or bi-racial kids in our family. We insisted that since we were already a multi-racial family....wouldn't this help? Weren't these the 'waiting kids'? (We all know the answer to that one....but the kids referred to us----NOT the ones we asked about-----were the ones we could adopt; and two of the three turned out to be CC (the other may have Native American heritage, we/he thinks). So, we returned to private adoption again. We never had any intention of adopting a CC baby. We will not even consider (nor allow the agencies or attorneys to consider) showing our profile to a CC situation. Our youngest baby is AA, and we are in search of another AA or bi-racial baby girl. (First and only time we've ever specified a gender....) This baby will probably be our last adoption. I guess my point is, we feel that we have had to 'fight' sometimes, in order to have the children we wanted. And, I think that as long as this country puts a different price tag, different 'spin' on AA or bi-racial babies.......even from caseworkers......then another element of prejudice will continue. (In the same manner, I've read where an AA couple wished to adopt a CC baby. The adoption was not allowed, and I find that horribly unfair.) Sincerely, Linny

Hi: I just read all the threads here and I want to write something too... My husband and I are both caucasian and we decided to adopt a full part AA baby because everyone told us that there are not enough adoptive parents ... We are waiting now 7 months - no birthmom considered us because we were white :o( They prefer full part AA families or at least you should have a full part AA baby already adopted. We already lost hope to ever adopt in the U.S. And it's truly sad that *racism* takes place every day in our lifes! It shouldn't matter what skin color you or your babies have! But there are still too many people out there who think that way and the agencies are supporting that with the different fees for the different *races* ... By the way: How can it be that all the agencies are asking for medical expenses when all the birthmom's have insurance? I read a lot and I never experienced that a birthmom did not have her medical costs etc. covered. It's sad to see that it is business and nothing else ... Sincerely, Aida

I have to agree with your statement. When we first started our adoption process, we wanted to adopt internationally. After sitting and talking to our agency director, we chose to do domestic. We were told that if we did CA it could take 5-7 years. If we did biracial it would be 3-4 months. But if we did AA, it was a matter of when can you be here to pick the baby up. Well that was in January, it's now Mid June and we still haven't been matched. I am NOT ashamed to say that when we first started domestic adoption we did not say we would consider an AA infant. We had to work out family issues. My DH family is a bit back woods. DH and I had to work out what would happen if his family wouldn't talk to him anymore because of the child we received. DH said that he felt that his family could handle a biracial child just not an AA child. I'm PROUD to say that we've worked this out. (Who really gives a darn what the family says? Our child will get enough love and affection from us.)

I have been there. We waited and waited with a large and reputable agency for 10 months. Of course, there are many factors in a private domestic placement; some potential birthmothers want a young couple with no children. Some want a couple with other children (maybe African American children.) Others closely examine education, profession and geography. There is much that you cannot control. However, I learned that, in adoption, among other things, waiting passively did not work for me. We began looking at alternatives: facilitators, "networkers" and other agencies. We were so happy to find our agency; they were wonderful, and we will use them again. My advice is to find someone with whom you are comfortable; we chose an agency that places only African American and biracial children. Ask how many adoptions that they have completed, have they placed in your area; get phone numbers for referrals. If they have satisfied families, they will be thrilled to oblige. [url]http://www.tlcadoption.com[/url]

"What are the odds of us finding a normal, happy, healthy, blonde, caucasian boy age 1-4? I mention blonde because it would be very obvious that he's adopted unless he has a fairly light complexion. Yes, we would tell him he's adopted, but would prefer to minimize the physical differences so that it's not the first thing everyone else notices. ~ GreatDad, "What Are The Odds...?" As you can see, this racism and preference for lighter skin tone is as pervasive in the adoption community as it is in the rest of society... even when adopting caucasian children, there are potential adoptive parents who will try for lighter, blonder, more "Aryan" children. Sad... but true. ~Sharon

Boy, am I naive! I always assumed that the people wanting to adopt biracial children were biracial couples who just thought it would be nice to have a child who resembled them AS A COUPLE as much as possible. I never imagined that it could be because someone did not want to adopt a child who is "too dark"! It makes me so sad to think that that could enter into the picture...

Yes, but people like us here make the difference, I am sure about it and that gives us hope!!!!

Since we are on the topic of race and discrimination, I wanted to share a story that happened to me today and really made me think. Dh and I had just walked into a large department store when I heard someone screaming- I quickly realized a mom had lost her child. The small child (under 2 years, I think) had wandered out into the large mall. I saw her, ran to get her and ran back as quickly as I could to hand her back to her mom. The mom was so relieved, she just hugged me and started to cry. I put my arm around her and assured her that it could happen to anyone. We hugged, one mom to another, totally understanding each other. Once she was ok, I went back to dh and his shirts (LOL). Several minutes later, it occurred to me that my "people" and her "people" are at war in Israel, killing each other. I just wanted to cry-here we were, two women, two moms....who cares what we call our God, where we pray, what holidays we celebrate with our families......why can't we all just realize that race, religion, etc. are so irrelevant? We are all just parents, children, siblings, friends..... Sorry if I sound naive or philosophical, but this incident today just made me realize more than ever how foolish us humans can be towards each other...

Good point to make Kellster. And, I'd have to add that the discrimination takes on so many 'forms' in the way of excuses. I've heard the: "I was raised that way."......."My grandparents always taught me that way".......I never understood while growing up"........... This kind of thinking can apply to anything in our lives........but the 'early rearings' wouldn't hold water if we chose to think differently, now would they? Like the song says, "You've got to be taught to be afraid - of people who's eyes are oddly made- and people who's skin, is a different shade- you've got to be carefullly taught!" "You've got to be taught, before it's too late! Before you are six or seven, or eight- To hate all the people your relatives hate- You've got to be carefully taught!!!!! You've got to be carefully taught!!!! (From the musical, South Pacific) I had relatives that were 'cautious' about us adopting transracially.........it was an entire learning experience for them...and certainly, not what they had been 'taught'. But, I swear, until their deaths.........my kids held an extra special spot in their hearts, unlike any others. My kids knew it was a special bond, and the rest of the family saw it too. Sincerely, Linny

I am white and my 2 AA sons will be placed in my home July 10th. Although I have had the occasional "looks" from people. The biggest problem has been with the foster mother. When I first met her she didn't know I was white. (she is AA) I flat out asked her if she thought the boys would have a problem with me or if SHE had a problem with it...her answer was "no of course not". She has since changed her tune. I found out that the following day she called the boys worker and told them she didn't feel like "her" boys should be raised in a white home. Personally, I feel she gave up that right to have such an opinion when she and her husband decided NOT to adopt these two boys them selves. (which is what was suppose to have happened, but they changed their minds) Am I wrong to feel this way?? Just wondering.

i have many foster parent friends who never intend on adopting but if a child in their home becomes available for adoption, they are given 3 perspective parent profiles (at a time) and they are allowed to give a lot of input into who they think is the best fit for the child/ren in question. i agree with this practice as you become the expert on the child when you parent them for many months and sometimes years. that being said, her not agreeing with the placement due to race issues (in my opinion) is not accaptalbe, unless after visits with you the child/ren expressed not being comfortable in a home with parents who are a different race then they are. what did the case worker reply to her. is this stopping the placement? i really hope not. good luck to you and i hope your boys are as excited as you are to be a forever family. good luck to you! transracial families are great in my book!

and the subsequent 1996 amendment prohibits the delay or denial of foster placement or permenant adoption of children based on race who are served by any federally funded organization or agency. While I agree that foster parents should serve in the decision making process for permanent placement, agencies must show diligent effort to find permanent homes. They are fully aware that refusal based on race alone is illegal. I am just wondering how you would know that the foster parent called and made such a statement to the social worker, as this is a breach of confidentiality. Are you currently meeting with the boys and the foster mother? She may have unanswered questions or valid concerns based on their history. Maybe, with the social worker, you can communicate about the future, including a transition plan. Some listening and some talking can go a long way. Good luck.

Mckenna, The boys have been excited since the first time they came to visit me at my home. The placement is still taking place next month, probably near the middle of the month. I will be glad to get this all behind us and start to build "our" family. In all fairness to the foster family I really feel they should have been told that I was not AA. I think the boys social worker kind of blind sided them with that. However, they were returned to that particular home with the intention that THAT family would be the ones adopting them. They have only been on 2 foster homes since being placed in the system. I just find it odd that the attitude has changed so much in such a short period of time. One day she (fm) was hating to give them up. The next day she can't get rid of them fast enough. I hope that is just her way of dealing with the seperation and NOT because something has happened that I am unaware of .

that is great to hear! i bet you can't wait. that will give you guys sometime to get better aquanited before school starts! i hope things will transition smoothly for you.