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Long story short -- My 18 year old daughter came to us as a 7 yr old foster child and we adopted her 2ݽ years later. The last 11 years have been a struggle with behavior problems, therapists, and a myriad of diagnosis. Her first 7 years were filled with physical and sexual abuse. I have tried my darndest to get her through but she continually makes very poor choices and lies and decieves us. There is a constant tension in the air around her because of her constant sneaking. Now she is moved out into an apartment with my neice above my office - we thought this was an ideal situation as it gave her a taste of independence yet we could still keep an eye on her. Well she has placed herself in a dangerous situation of having an online fling. It had been going on for months while she was in school and I put a stop to it while she was under my roof - but now she is out on her own she is sneaking down to the library and continuing the affair. A friend of me was telling me about RAD -- and it sounds very much like my daughter. My question is -- at 18 what can be done about RAD? We stopped therapy a year ago because she was not listening or cooperating with the therapist then -- and I'll have to admit that my heart is not into starting the therapy rounds again - especially since we have so little time before medicaid runs out and she has no coverage. I'm tired -- this has been a long battle and I have little fight left in me. What advise would you give?:confused:
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At her age, she would have to want to change her life for any therapy to work. As hard as it is, its best to learn to love and accept her as she is. There's a book called the Limits of Hope(sorry, I forgot the author's name). It helped me when my oldest decided family was too hard and homelessness was easier.
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My group has successfully treated many older teens and young adults. The essential element, as Lucyjoy states, is that the child has to want to be involved in therapy...or you have to create the situation so that the child has to participate in treatment (no more help, $$$, supports, or living at home without involvement in trt). It is a tough route, but even young adults with RAD can be healed.
Best of luck to you.
I just want to congratulate you on getting her to 18.5 years old!!! Well done. Our foster daughter came to us at 4.5 and we are her 5th home. She's almost 7 now. It is not and will not be easy - we decided not to adopt purely on the fact that we can get more support from foster agency and specialist agencies etc. and financially we're better off as a family to foster. She has Attachment disorder and it is sooooo hard. My worry is getting her through her teens which you've just about done - an online affair - if it stays that way is better than her meeting up with a guy. I know the dangers of the internet. Just stay close to her and continue your love and interest in her. And at least you know about it .... she could have been doing it secretly without your knowledge. Keep smiling you've done great by her.
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