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Originally Posted By JeanWe adopted both of our daughters at the age of 3 1/2 which leaves a very large gap in talking to them about their birth or baby days. We have no baby pictures in fact no pictures at all from more than 6 months before we got them. Right now they are 3 1/2 and 6 but I know in the future they are going to want more inforation about when they were born, when they were babies etc. Both of them of course know they were adopted but that won't prevent them from wanting to know these things. I dread the school assignments that are sure to come where the kids bring in family trees and baby pictures because they are going to feel different. Already in my 6 year old's kindergarten class they had to bring in a picture of "when I was little" I spoke to the teacher about it and she said that every year some of the students bring a toddler picture and not a baby picture so we got by on this one by using a picture of her when she was three and she didn't feel "different". Are there any suggestions about working on these issues. Even in trying to find appropriate books about adoption, most of them talk about getting the child as a baby and do not address the older adoption stories.Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer.
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Originally Posted By MichelleWe are in the process of adopting an "older" child-3-5 years of age. We have a daughter we adopted at two days old- so her story will be a little different from her new sister's. I hope that we can also find a way to make her sister not feel badly or left out because we won't have much info or any pictures from her younger years. We have not come across any really good books yet either for the older child. Keep me posted if you do find one. Good luck. It sounds like you have a good handle on how to treat your children's different needs, so I am confident you will find the right answers.
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Originally Posted By StephanieWe also have a 6 year old whom we adopted at 3. My daughter's friend has started asking questions about "why does Hannah say she's from Russia". We know this is going to come up at school, luckily we made it through kindergarten without too much emphasis placed on her birth. My friend says we should bring it up first, and explain it to her so that she is prepared when it comes up at school. She knows she is adopted, but doesn't really know what that means. I need help in knowing what to do. I want to make this as easy as possible for her, and certainly don't want her to think that this situation is stressful for me (she is very bright and intuitive)
Originally Posted By older adopteeTell them that even though you didn't give them life that you give them all your love. Tell them that a man and a woman loved them enough to know that they wanted them to have more they could ever offer. That even though you didn't carry them inside you for 9 months that you will carry them in your hearts for a lifetime. Just don't hide anything. IF you don't know the answer tell them you don't know. Let them know that giving birth to a child doesn't make them a person a parent. That a mom and dad is someone who is there for you when your sick at 3 am and holds you during a thunderstorm and wipes away the tears when you've had your heart broken. They will have questions but some questions can't be answered. I was adopted when I was 7 and in foster homes since 3 I may not know when I took my first step or said my first word but I know when I was held for the first time by someone who really loved me. I know that I was choosen by two wonderful people who would sacrifice their lives for me. If you need someone to talk to please e-mail me at cljaffe@hotmail.com Good luck.
Originally Posted By adopteeI am a 20 year old adoptee. I will be meeting my birthmother in a couple of days. Probably the best thing that you can do, is not ignore the fact that they feel different in regards to this subject. The family tree thing will be especially hard, especially if they do not know what nationality that they are. They will do your family in the tree, but will really be wondering who their ancestors were since everyone else knows whether they are english, spanish, german, ect. If you know what nationality they are then would be a good time to tell them, emphasize that, and maybe even research their origin's culture. Tel them about the nationality and history that they come from if you know. If you do not know maybe ask them what nationality they think they are, show pictures from different nations ect. It will be hard, but you do need to let them know that you recognize that this is not their actual family tree and history. To have a parent that understands that will bring a lot of comfort. I know that everything will go well. God Bless in all you do.
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