Birthmother

Originally Posted By JeannieI am the birthmother of a very beautiful boy, who is now 13 years old. I don't know if you would consider my adoption open or semi-open. When I gave my child up, open adoption was just beginning. I very much wanted my baby, however after tremendous soul searching I decided the best thing for my child would be to let someone else raise him. I had contact with the birthmother from the very start. First, letters and then soon after, phone calls. We corresponded until he was about 7 or 8 (they called me, I did not have their address or phone number). The last time we talked, my mother had the same phone number as she did at the time of the adoption. Whenever Vicki (the adoptive mother) could not get me at my own phone she would call my moms to get ahold of me. Since the last time she called, my mother and I have both moved out of state and I'm not sure she would know where to look for a phone number. I have tried sending letters through the adoption agency, only to be told that they are editing my letters and taking out any information I give them reguarding my whereabouts and how to contact me. I have seeked leagal advise, and what they are doing is wrong, but I haven't the money to hire a lawyer. So I'm using the only resourse I know to get her the information.Enough about that. My child was born healthy and beautiful, and after 3 days in the hospital I took him home with me because I couldn't leave him. The day I took him home, we had a family gathering for everyone to spend some time with him, it was a very emotional evening and very hard on me, but I would have it no other way. The next day my mom and dad had to work, so I got to spend all morning with him by ourselves. Around the middle of the day, while doing dishes, I saw a motor home pass by my house, I knew it was them. I dried my hands, picked up my son and waited at the door. As soon as the door was open, my child and I were in the arms of his new mother. It was the most emotional time that I have ever experienced in my life and very hard, however, once again I would have it no other way. We visited for awhile and then it was time for me to go to court, my dad and adoption counciler went with me. I handle everything so well until the judge started to explain to me that the next paper for me to sign was to relinquish my parental rights which meant I was no longer the childs mother. Even though I knew in my heart that he would always be my child, the finality was a real blow. Once I left the court house, we went back to the house where every one was still visiting. They stayed for a little while longer and then it was time to go, this was not as hard on me as the court appearance had been. I was expecting to totaly fall apart, however I handled it very well. A lot of people ask me how I could do it or if I regreted it, my answer is NO! When I was in the hospital alone with my child, I prayed to GOD to ask him to give me peace if what I was doing was his will. I cannot describe the feeling that overcame me and I have never felt it again, I know with my every being that I did what was right. I got to choose the family that my child went to, or should I say GOD sent them to me. I was given an initial packet of five families to choose from and if I didn't find anyone who appealed to my I could send for more until I did. The family I chose was the second I reviewed, and the minute I finished their biography I knew I needn't look any further. My child looks like he was born to this family and so does his adopted sister. Through the years, Jared was told he was adopted and they had a picture of me on display that they told him was a friend of the family, as the years went by they finally told him that it was his birthmother. I had been speaking to him on the phone since he could talk, but he knew me as the friend in the picture. The day Vicki told me that Jared knew I was his birthmother was one of the happiest moment in my life. Now all there is to do is wait for the day to come when he decides he wants to meet me. I wanted to share my story with others for many different reasons, but I also wanted to get this out in hopes that Vicki might be looking for me so she can get ahold of me. If your a birth mother, hang in there it does get easier. You will never forget or loose the love you feel, but eventually you will be able to cope. If you have any questions or just want to talk, drop me a line.Love and LuckJeannie