Bmoms, what would you do differently?

HiThe day my daughter was born I realised that I didn't want to part with her..and told the social worker that I had changed my mind. She stated that I could not because I had already said that I would place ans that, my then three day old baby was already going to her new parents home. What I would do differently is to stop my crying and start screaming and shouting so other people could hear me and hopefully help me. By the way, my daughter did not get placed until she was three months old and free for adoption til she was nine months old...I knew nothing of this until she was eighteen and I received non identifing information.

Given the same circumstances that existed then, I'm afraid I would have to do the same...times were so different in 1967...it's something you had to live through in order to know how it truly was...I could not bring home my child to the same abusive house I grew up in...although it seems I had choices, there really was only one best way to go for all concerned

My daughter and her son (13 months) are living with me and her dad while she finishes college. We are having so much fun with this little guy. Talk about a fountain of youth! Our relationship was always okay but her baby has had a VERY positive effect. Now we could not be closer as mother and daughter. Yes, we do help but, to her credit, she is very much in charge of her son and does most of the work. She loves her son so much and is a wonderful mom. I would like to think that I would have done the same thing years back - can't say for sure though. I know some who did. Happy G'Ma

It was 1970 and I was 18 when I got pregnant.Even married school teacher were fourced to quit work when their pregnancies began to show. By law I was an adult but girls from "good families" were expected to obey their parents until safely married. I knew before I was told that mine would push for marriage or adoption. Since I got pregnant the night that I finally got it through my head that my boyfriend was breaking up with me marriage was out. I hoped my parents would soften but they did not. I was financially dependant. I thought with the social system in place at that time the only place my child and I would be accepted would be a commune. I went to a maturnity home for medical care but secretly planned to leave and have the baby in a county hospital. Every plan that I came up with to keep her was trivialised by the councilor at the maturnity home who was supposed to help me make up my own mind- nothing was good enough-I was not good enough. In other words the best thing I could give her was a different Mom. The last month I gave up- deciding that she deserved a "normal" life. I thought it was best for her but I knew it was not best for me. I have learned she had a better than average home, lots of advantages and loving family and I am glad for her, but for me- I wish that had raised her in a commune until society changed- and I'm not so sure now that she would have suffered. Who knows? Bottom line I did the best I could what more can you expect of a person.

PS of course I missed her

ive regretted the decision to relinquish my rights from day 1 ......... i remember sobbing for days after i gave her up........i never held her i thought it would be easier on me to not hold her.........how wrong that was.... i was 17 and very dependent on my parents.....my parents were in the ministry and it was a shame to get pregnant before marriage......my parents made it clear they were not going to help me raise her......so i didnt think there was any other option......seeing as i was financially dependent on parents still then also.......and so young at 17.......but looking back i think if i had the support from my parents i would of done homeschooling and raised my daughter ........ Rebekah if you ever read this.......honey you are so loved and i have totally regretted giving you away from day 1.........ive cried many tears over not knowing anything about you...... my parents would never share any information about you even thought they knew your adoptive parents names.........a search angel found your name and i was so happy .......ive tried to get a picture over the years to no avail.....nothing...... i am so waiting for the day when we can reunite...... oh how ive longed for that day (tears)many many tears........

It is so nice to hear you are ok and don't regret your decision. I am sure the entire process made a huge positive impact on your life or you would not have the strength to sound so a peace. :)

You are so right. We adoptive parents also hope and pray that we are living up to the birthparents expectations of us. At least, I do - and my dream is that my son will be happy too. Not only with his life with his daddy and I but also, respect the choice his birthmother made to place him with us. To me it is all how we teach him about adoption and about her and how much he was and is loved by all.

I'm a Bmom and I've thought about that question over the years. I LOVED my baby enough to give her up to a Family that would take care of her finanically, emotionally and spiritually. My Bchild had such an amazing upbringing with amazing people. Over the years I've stayed in contact with her Aparents to find out how she's doing. She's 18 years old now. The only regret I have is NOT staying in closer contact the past 10 years. I meet the LOVE of my life "My Husband & father of my three children" FOUR years after I gave up my first child. We started a family right away. We have been together for almost 15 years. Our oldest son will be 14 yrs old this summer, daughter 12 yrs, and our youngest is 3 yrs old. I wouldn't change a thing! I think my Bchild was Blessed with an amazing life with amazing Aparents. She has never been forgotten for one day but I have also been blessed with wonderful children and a loving husband. God has been good to me. Now my only HOPE is one day to meet my Bchild and have a relationship with her IF it's her wish.

I am new here but I wanted to give my input here. I couldn't have done much any differently then I did because I was 16 years old and my parents insisted that I give my child up for adoption. That was in 1965. In August 2000 my birth daughter located me and we have since formed a relationship (sometimes good and sometimes not..) She had a good home growing up and I have met her adoptive parents. Very nice people. She has made some very bad choices in her life and I sometimes wonder if I had a part in those. I have only one other child..a son 24 years old. They have a good relationship and he was glad to know he had a sister out there. They get along fine. I sometimes blame my parents for not having my daughter with me but I know in my heart she had a better life than I could have given her at the time.

Hi there, I am torn. I KNOW that my bson has great aparents, an amazing life and achieved both emotional and financial success and yet I FEEL like if I had it to do over again there is no way I would have placed him. Selfish as it would only be for my feelings and who knows, if I had made a different choice I wouldn't have 2 beautiful daughters (full siblings) and if I have to spend the rest of my life feeling guilty and miserable it is worth it to see the 3 of them happy and successful. I should say that after meeting him for the first time this week I have been more sad as I realized for the first time, I may have been thinking about him all these years but I was blessed in that he has a great, loving family so he hasn't been thinking of me (at least that's what I believe to be true). If we are able to forge some kind of relationship I will be over the moon. If not, I will have to accept the decision I made 27 years ago and be happy with it. I suppose I didn't really answer your question but the logical side of me says "yes" I'd do it again but the emotional side wants to say "no" but his current life is so great that I am so happy for him. :loveyou:

I would have held him in the hospital. I would have tried to have at least a semi-open adoption. I would have gotten help immediately after the birth. He's great, I don't know if he would be so great if I'd parented him. Now that I know him, my heart aches even more for the years I missed with him. Would i change relinquishing him? Probably not, but part of me wishes I could.

"Now that I know him, my heart aches even more for the years I missed with him". You have captured my feelings completely. I wish someone had been there for me before I relinquished my son to tell me how much it hurts. It may not have changed my decision but it would have made me think (rather than blindly go along with the others). I do hope I have a second change to get to know him better. :loveyou:

If I had to do it all over again after living with my decision for nearly 30 years I would NEVER have given my daughter up. I would have tried harder to have the means to keep her even if it would have meant goverment assistance. In time looking back on it the family would have been there for moral support although it didnt appear that way at the time. You know how a person has intuition about things? Well mine was telling me dont do it and I did anyway because I thought that was the only answer and I have regretted it for 30 years. I started looking for my daughter when she turned 18 and it took 10 years to find her. It has been almost 2 years and all is well but I still will regret all the days of my life that I wasnt the one to have the joy of raising my child. It changed forever who we each should be in this life, together and separate. Im not saying for the better or worse....Im just saying different. and every day i still feel the loss of what should have been.

"Thanks so much for your honest replys. I am at least glad that my bmom is not the only one who doesn't regret keeping me. You know, I have a burning desire to hear from my bmom that she missed me all these years and that if she could do it all over again, that she would keep me....but I'm painfully aware that is not the case. Now that she knows me (quite well) and that she still doesn't wish that she raised me....wow, it's a hard pill to swallow." Think of it this way - she likes you now, the way you are, the way that you have turned out and knows in her heart that she could not have parented you, that things would not have worked out so well for you ...