Only Children and Adopted Siblings

Originally Posted By SallyI think having another child is something you have to desperately and definitely want to do yourself to make it work.My oldest son is 5 and we have just adopted a 19 month old little boy and it is going great!Our 5 year old has said for a long time that he wanted a brother but we always told him he didn't get to pick-it turns out he got what he wanted anyway. We do deal with a little bit of jealousy but we wouldn't change anything.Realize though that if you gave birth to a second child you would never send it away if your daughter decided she liked being an only child better.Good luck and when in doubtPRAY!!

Originally Posted By MaryThank you very much for replying to my message. That makes me feel much better. Thank you again Sally.

Originally Posted By AngelaMary, You may want to modify your post as not to read, "and we would never want to give back a child after we adopted." This implies you think you have the option to give back a child after you have legally adopted them or that it is even a consideration. I'm sure that is not want you meant. In regards to your question I can't be of a lot of help because our only child was just 20 months when we adopted her sister, so she was never aware of her many priveleges. We are however are going to adopt again and the girls are now 4&6. They know that if we get a boy they will have to give up their "play" room for his bedroom. Still I don't think this will be any different than if you gave birth to another child and the first child had to learn to make the same sacrifices. Not sure that this is a unique challenge just to adopted families. All children must learn to deal with these types of sacrifices when another child enters the picture, whether by adoption or otherwise. If your child does have trouble accepting these changes then it was probably for the best that she did gain a sibling and was forced to learn to share and accept fewer priveleges. Forgive me if I misunderstood any part of your post. Good luck in whatever you choose. Sincerely, Angela

Originally Posted By AshOur daughter was 4 months old when she was placed in our home. My son was 6. He was very excited about getting a sister. It has been a year since she was placed and they get along great. She is 16 months old now. Since there is an age difference there is not a lot of fighting. He is just making her tough, he likes to try to wrestle with her sometimes. She is a little tomboy already.The other day he did say that we give his sister alot more attention to her and not him. I told him that we don't mean to if we do. She just needs more attention because she is little and can't do everything for herself. He then understood. We try to take him out and do things with just him and the same with her. When they spend the night at my parents house, they sometimes go separately so that they can have that time with the grandparents and we can have time with the child at home.Debbie

Originally Posted By samWe adopted a 4 y/o girl from Russia, she has been here 4 1/2 months now. We have a 10 y/o bilogical son who never waivered on his desire to have a sibling. With no experience at parenting siblings I can only tell you what I have observed. My belief is that they act like a normal brother/sister pair. sometimes our son, who was an only child for 10 years, can't get enough of his sister. He plays with her, reads to her, takes care of her, sympathizes with her. Other times he wants nothing to do with her. He wants his space and to retreat to his down time that he had as an only child. I have not noticed any resentment or regret. Everyone seems to think that they are a normal pair.

Originally Posted By marciaMary, I dont want to dampen your spirits, but I feel compelled to tell you my experience. After reading all of these other posts that all have such fairy tale endings, my story will at least give you another perspective.We had three boys ages 6, 8 and 10 when we decided to adopt another infant boy. The three were natural children.The boy that we adopted has been diagnosed with ADHD and perhaps some personality disorders. The birthmom is manic depressant, and our son who is now 6 has extreme mood swings.Our three natural sons resent the adopted child immensely. The oldest has said some very cruel things relating to the fact that Samuel is adopted.Although I love Samuel, I do not feel the same toward him that I do my natural children. Believe me, I feel awful about it, and it took a lot for me to admit it , but its true. I have actually been in counseling to deal with these issues. I realize now that it was a huge mistake, but I really dont know what to do. My husband has never felt close to Samuel at all. (We were contacted by a facilitator that he was available for adoption after I had seen a program on adoption, and called them and left my phone #.We felt sorry for the baby and committed to the adoption plan, it was a compulsive decision ) I am so happy for those that dont feel a difference between the adopted children and their own, but it did not work out like that for us.

Originally Posted By MichelleOur oldest daughter was 7 when we added Nicole, age 4 and Adam age 3 to our family from Russia. Our oldest is also adopted. We had thought we would only have one child and only a year ago cam e to the decision to adopt again. We were only looking to adopt a sister for Hannah, but as luck would have it we found a wonderful brother and sister for her. I can honestly say that it has been the best experience for her. I won't say that it has always been easy- they've only been home 3 months. There were times when our daughter was sorry that they were here. As my husband says be careful of what you wish for.... I can't say enough about how loving and caring they are toward each other now. They also fight and have bad days, but they truly love each other. When one is hurt, or sad, the others comfort them. When one gets a treat, they get one for the other two also. It is easier to take care of three kids rather than one. They entertain themselves, our life has truly been blessed by the addition of Nicole and Adam.

Originally Posted By bm JamieI was an only child.It was lonely.I remember sitting alone quite often.

Originally Posted By KathiHi!Yes, we have a now 14 yr. old son and adopted our daughter, now age 7, about 2 yrs. ago. If you would even consider giving a child back after adoption because your biological child might change her mind - I really don't think you should even think about it. You daughter may very well, and probably will, realize that there are some imperfections in life when another child is involved. There are many trade-offs, but we feel it equals out. There is good and bad about being an only child and there is good and bad about having a sibling. You, as parents, need to decide what YOU want, as a small child often has fantasies about what they want but they are too young to fully comprehend the impact some of their fantasies may have on their lives/the lives of others. And of course there will be reactions from having another child in the house, even if they do not have to share anything, other than the parents. If you are thinking of adopting in order to please your child, I would strongly recommend that you reconsider as you will not ultimately please your child. If you are considering adopting because you & your partner want to have another child and your child is interested in the idea - then I'd say "go for it!" I hope this advice is helpful, though I have a feeling it may not be what you wanted to hear.Sincerely,Kathi

Originally Posted By LindyWe have two boys by birth...Eric and Alex ages 14 and 13. We are considering adopting an 11 year old girl who is now in the foster care system. She is sweet, athletic, smart, spiritual...she has some issues, but we think we can work with them.What will these issues and bringing an 11 year old in to our household do to our boys.I'd love to hear a success story right about now.THanks!