I think this is great on expectations for birth parents and adopted children, but are there many contributions regarding the stages for the siblings of adopted children and what may happen to their relationships with these children and their parents? I have an unusual circumstance being the sibling of adopted daughter whose has contacted their birth mother, in other words my mother. In my case, our mother was not the best person. She is quite self centered and selfish unfortunately, and this was brought into the relationship with my adopted sibling and me. My mother took great pains to keep the two of us apart as she was afraid of what I might tell her newfound daughter about her and the life I had in not being given up for adoption. My mother wanted to maintain the glow of being a perfect mother for the newfound daughter. The adopted daughter was made in a way to make a choice between a relationship with her newfound mother or a biological sister. My mother made it impossible for her to have both. Very sad, and just one of the situations that can and did occur for me. I wonder if there are any other adoptee siblings that have experienced this and how they handled it. Thank you.
Congratulations! How wonderful that you found your sister!
I have been going through the same thing for years. First with my birth mother and the 6 half siblings that came with that relationship. And now with my birth father and the 2 half siblings that comes with him.
One day it's just me and the next I have 8 half siblings.
I find it useful to concentrate on one relationship at a time. You seem to be taking your personal relationship baggage that you have with your mother and are dumping it into your new relationship with your newly found sister.
You don't meet the normal family and sibling dynamic so your relationship with your mother and the relationship with your sister need to be kept separate - for now.
Remember, this is your re-union too.
The most important thing is not to get in the way of the reunion between your mother and your sister. Don't poison their relationship with your own childhood resentments and negativity. You must allow your mother and your sister to forge their own relationship. And you must do this while also being nurturing and supportive of their reunion.
Your sister is a blessing. She could be there for you long after your mother has passed on. If you chase her off now by not being 100% supportive you may come to regret it later. Like when your mother is old and in need of elder care.
Don't become an obstacle to your sister and mother re-uniting. If you do, you will hurt your sister deeper than you can ever appreciate or imagine. Just let your mom and sister do their thing ... and bake them cookies while they are doing it.
Your sister may be a stranger now but she is your family. You need to open your heart and let her in. Don't stand in her way, whatever you do. It will only make a lot of people unhappy and may backfire on you in the long run.
You need to build your own relationship and friendship with your newly found sister. Once you are friends with your sister, everything else will fall into place. It may take several years, but you will get there.
Group therapy really helped me through a lot of my birth family reunion issues. You might give it a try, it can't hurt.
Look at it from a child's perspective ... more people to love you ... and more present for your Birthday!
I wish you much luck!!:cheer: