Back in LINE!!!

I forgot where I read it, but the other day I was reading part of Panama's constitution, the section regarding children and families. Parents are not punished or ostracized for not being able to raise their children and the orphanage will freely take them in. And the parents will often visit the children and maintain a relationship altho they're not rearing the child. There are apparently many many more kids in orphanages because of parental poverty, yet the parents aren't encouraged to give these kids up. The orphanage is simply taking over meeting the kids basic needs. I think we tend to think any kid in an orphanage should be adoptable, but Panama doesn't seem to think that way. I think that's pretty neat for a country to have that kind of system, on one hand. It helps me understand why there are so many children that seem adoptable, but aren't, and helps put into perspective why Panama works the way it does (and why it can take so long). But as adoptive parents, I think it is heartbreaking getting your hopes up on a child who ultimately is not adoptable. And it seems we don't find out if the child is adoptable until they've already been referred to us. It's sad that in many cases, we can't get our hearts set on a child presented to us. Watching disrupted referrals as I have, I am going to try as hard as possible not to feel much of anything til we actually travel. And I think it really really stinks to think I have to put up such emotional defenses. I'm really sorry you're going through this. It makes very little sense, which makes the hurt run that much deeper. Hugs! Robin

So sorry about your heartbreaking news, Y. Had the attorney told you that the child had already had her abandonment hearing (termination of parental rights) and that the mother's rights had been removed? If so, something sounds odd. If not, this is just the nature of Panamanian adoption, as Robin mentioned. Remember that the abandonment investigation by a social worker (one of only 2)who works for the DNA will take a minimum of 3 months. That is supposed to allow enough time to investigate the birth family (including extended family members who may wish to parent the child). After that is completed (ours took about 4 months of investigation, then another 2 to "write" the report), and if the parents' rights are terminated, the child becomes "adoptable." But until you receive an official referral from the DNA, the child is simply on an "available" list (and available for ANYONE to adopt, beginning with Panamanians, then foreigners (Spaniards, French, Germans, Americans, etc.). I've heard that it's not even a "done deal" if the DNA officially gives you the referral, but it's much closer....That's why we've held off calling our two a "referral," even though we're pretty sure they'll be ours---eventually. Their abandonment hearing is at the end of April, then another 3-4 weeks before our guardianship hearing. At THAT point, we'll be able to say they're ours (keeping our fingers crossed). :) I'm sure this doesn't make you feel any better, but maybe it will help others reading this thread to get a better understanding of adoption in Panama. Sometimes the social worker and adoptive family's Panamanian lawyer MIGHT be able to talk to the birthparent and find out if she (or he) is truly interested in the welfare of the child, or if there might be something else going on (dislikes the thought of child going to the U.S., pressures from extended family due to honor or because they hope to get "something" in return for irrevocably releasing child for adoption, etc.). There are usually a number of factors that your attorney has to consider. Try not to be angry with him/her, and trust his/her judgment. Afterall, this is how adoption has worked in Panama for a number of years. Try to keep your chin up and know that we are all grieving with you. But your time WILL come! There is a child waiting for you! Rebecca :)

Congrats Rebecca, it sounds like you are making progress! :cool: Julie

Thanks, Julie. But we're trying not to get too anxious until after the TPR hearing. This has been a LONG road, and we've learned not to get too excited, because everything can change (negatively OR positively) in an instant! ;) Way too much could happen between now and then. We've grown attached to "our" two, but if it isn't meant to be, we'll have to grieve and move on. (I'm sure that's easier said than done.) :(