What Do I Call Them?

Originally Posted By JenShe is legally and emotionally his sister therefore he has every right to call her that and she needs to understand that issues. However I would ensure that you are honest with him ... that he understands to the best of his ability the circumstances surrounding his adoption ... You might ask him if he would like to call her Aunty or some other special title because of the special role she had in giving him life. But if he is comfortable with her just being his big sister then that is his right -- for your daughter this is unfortuntely a consequence of not being a parent to a child .. the title Mommy is earned not given.

Originally Posted By Maddy JoDoes anyone miss the days of closed adoptions?

Originally Posted By pamelaI had a closed adoption. My aparents lied to us both about being adopted. We found out from strangers, then after we heard about it, they denied it. At age 17, adad finally admited the truth to us and Amom admited the truth only this year ( I am now 35). My amom still tried to deny it, but with my bmom finding me -- it was pretty hard to keep up that lie. My advise to the gramdma is to try to explain your daughter's special role in his life. Or else it will backfire -- always answer the questions honestly and be age specific.

Originally Posted By AndyWell you are his mom and dad now, but I think it is important for you to explain the situation. It will take time, he will have to get older to totally understand. I just think he needs to be told.

Originally Posted By waited foreverI'm so glad to see this thread. We have adopted our 5 year old grand daughter, her mom abandoned her to us. She has been unable to parent this child since it was born, and we have raised her mostly since she was an infant. Our daughter wants to remain active in this childs life, and is adamant about us not being called mommy and daddy. Yet our child wants to call us this. It has become a heart wrenching situation for all concernend. As far as hubby and I are concerned we are her parents, and we want to be called mom and dad. If she uses these titles in front of the bmom, then she is made to feel guilty about all of this. We are lost as to what to do. We feel that since it is our time, love and labor that is going into raising this child, it should be our right to those titles. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Originally Posted By NicksterMommyI will tell you the same thing I told my friend who went through this w/a step-parent situation -- Let the child decide. In my friend's case, her step-daughter called both her AND her mother "Mommy." The mother was quite upset about this. However, the child's parents are the ones who put the child in the position to have two "moms." (The child was 2-years-old when she got a step-mother.) If the child embraces step-mother as a mom, then let her call her Mommy if that is what SHE wants. Maybe you and your husband could talk to your daughter w/o the child present and discuss it. Tell her that the CHILD is the one who chose those labels, and you are going to respect what the CHILD wants to call you. I know it is heart-wrenching. Your daughter needs to think about what is best for the child. If the child feels more comfortable calling you mom and dad, then let her.

Originally Posted By Delenaithink you are wonderful for trying to be sensitive to them, but no, they don't get to be another Mom and Dad. the are Bob and Susie, or whatever their names are. they aren't parents, so they don't get titles like that. i am a birthmother of a two year old and i expect to be called by my name, not some mythical title that confuses the child just to stroke my emotions. you be strong and do what you feel is right for your son. your dau and sil should be adult enough to respect your decisions.

any adopted person will tell you that it takes more than conception to make a mommy or a daddy. Your daughter has a problem with this situation? I have a problem with her not raising the child she gave birth to. She expects you to raise this child, but with her being the benficiary of the tilte of mommy. I realize that she is your daughter, but screw her. You adopted the child. You are the parents. You will be the ones wiping the running nose, putting the band-aid on the scuffed knee, running when he/she wakes from a nightmare. You are the parents. End of story. Every birth mother knows that once she gives up the child, she has lost the right to the name mommy and will have to live with "mother" should the child ever choose to go that route. Good luck to you, this is not an easy situation but stand up for yourself and your child!

I understand you adopted your grandson, but he is still your grandson. Its really weird for that to happen int he first place if you ask me. Why couldn't you just take legal custody or better yet, helped your daughter and son in law keep their son? Making your grandson his mother's brother is WAY un-natural and strange...your daughter concieved him, carried him...not much else it seems, but now this little boy calls her his sister? That isn't silly to you? I am not one for 'in-family' adoptions at all. I believe if someone 'in-family' is going to step up, than it should be to help the parents keep their child or to take custody temporarily while the parents get their stuff together...His mother will never be his 'big sister' it's very disfunctional, why did you adopt your grandson? I gather that mom & dad aren't great parents at all, but whynot help them become good parents? Help them instead of parenting their child, make them parent their child. You are ths mother's mother...why don't you just want to be a grandma? I don't know, no offense, but the situation is just odd...how will the baby feel about this? Hmmmm. Just MY Opinion, Emily