Advertisements
When I gave my son up in 1965, his father was in Viet Nam and I was told that he was dead. My parents gave me no other option except adoption, and I was shipped away in disgrace. This week, I found an obituary in our local newspaper for my son's birth father. Oh, God, how could this be true? I have found since then that it is indeed true and he died a lonely and bitter man. By the time he was able to look for me back in 1965, I was already gone and my parents would not talk to him. So both of us spent the past forty years without each other. Not a day has passed that I haven't thought about him and what an overwhelming, all-consuming love I had for him and him for me. I am currently married to a wonderful man and together we have five adult children. I need so much to locate my son. My husband supports me in this, but I'm not really sure where to start. The baby was born in Michigan on April 27, 1965 and it's always possible that he will not want to be found. My heart is broken into pieces once again, and I don't know how much longer I can take it. If anyone has a suggestion for me, PLEASE, PLEASE post it. I feel so hopeless and so desperate. I pray that everyone will forgive me.
Like
Share
I found out three years ago that some adoptees commonly had their birth dates changed by a few days or even a month.I was so mad.So,it is possible that we don't even know our real birthdays.
I hope he is your son.You are collecting wonderful things for him to remember his Father by.
There is also a search group in Michigan called Adoptees Search For Knowledge and it is nonprofit and run by Jeanette Abronowitz of Lansing.She is listed online I think.I hope I am allowed to post that. If not,please edit..
Advertisements
I've read this thread and want very much to know how things turn out for Ann. I see that she hasn't posted in a while but I am hoping she will come back and let us know about the young man who might be her son.
Sadly, there are "mismatches" in adoption seaches and it must be awful to get your hopes up and then not be sure. I would also suggest DNA testing if there is any doubt. It costs about $400-$500 and can be done even if you live across the country from each other. The samples are collected at a local participating lab and sent to the company that will conduct the test and send you the results.
My birthfather and I had DNA testing done a couple of years ago to verify paternity so I've been through the process.
My heart goes out to you, Ann. I truly hope that you find your son AND find peace over the heartbreaking circumstances with your former boyfriend. Hugs.....Sonata
I found a wonderful website called [url]www.touchedbyadoption.org[/url] where they offer FREE DNA testing for adult adoptees and birth parents. They are waiting for the new kits to arrive and Michael and I signed up for one about a week ago. We were told we should have ours in no more than three weeks, and it contains instructions for using the cheek swab and returning it to them. When their computer identifies a match, it is taken into their labs and re-checked by the technicians before notifying the people involved. Can you believe it? I can hardly wait. I watch the mail every day and Michael does too. Take a look at their website if you haven't already. It's very interesting, and about time that someone put voice to our sorrows and did something about it!
We had a distressing day when his family doctor told him that there was very little chance that I could be his mother because he has A negative blood and I have B positive. I cried most of that night. Then, early the next morning, I got an e-mail from him with the subject "HOLD EVERYTHING!" This resourceful young man found a website that is a blood type calculator and the results from entering both our blood types said that in order for the child to have the negative Rh factor, it is NOT NECESSARY that either parent have Rh negative. With that encouragement, the search resumed.
My brother printed one of Mike's pictures that he sent to me, and later that day his son saw it on the table, and said, "Hey, Dad, when did you have this made?" I'm inspired again.
I will keep you updated, and in the meantime, please add us to your prayers. Both of us hope so much that we are a match, but we also need God to give us the strength to accept it if we don't turn out to be.
Hugs and prayers to all of you. Your comments and support keep me going.
Love, Ann
Wow! Thanks for the update. I for one will be waiting to hear the news and hoping for the best.
I wish I had know how to get free DNA testing. I paid $$$ for mine! From basic Biology 101, my understanding is that you can have a child with a different type and Rh factor from yours. It just depends on recessive genes and the other parent's type. The doctor said "unlikely" which is a completely different concept than "impossible". Of course the DNA test will settle the question once and for all. I hope you are okay with the results no matter what the outcome. I was in the same position two years ago waiting to find out if the man who was supposedly my birthfather really was. Whew!!!!
Again, I'll be watching for the news. Best wishes.....Sonata
I haven't posted in quite a while, have been busy with the search and various family matters. Now for the good news: HE HAS BEEN FOUND!!! We have talked, sent pictures by e-mail, and I will be traveling to Michigan in two weeks to spend time with him as we get to know each other. I'm putting together an album for him so that he will know where he came from. I did go through the Confidential Intermediary, who was wonderful and was also very caring. She made the experience personal, and after she sent him the initial letter, his girlfriend found the "hundreds" of posts I've put on various search lists. He called me and I'm still on Cloud Nine. Now for the question I have for you... His birth father, as you know, died on September 9 last year and I've been in contact with his brothers trying to get some pictures of him at any age, any kind at all, to make copies of and add to my son's album. They seem friendly enough on the phone, but all deny that they have any family pictures at all. Now they say their sister must have them, but she will not return my messages or answer the phone when I call her. I don't understand the attitude. I've explained to them that we want nothing from their family except a sense of Don's father. He has that right. Does anyone have a suggestion for me? I have tons of things from my family for him, but he deserves knowledge of his father. He looks exactly like his birth father, but the brothers don't even want me to e-mail his picture to them. I can't decide if they're afraid of something or just plain heartless. Whatever comes of the situation with father's family, my life is now complete. For forty years, I've lived with a part of myself missing, and now my heart is overflowing with joy and love. May God grant all of you the experience that I've had! Ann
Advertisements
Martha Ann D.
Now for the question I have for you... His birth father, as you know, died on September 9 last year and I've been in contact with his brothers trying to get some pictures of him at any age, any kind at all, to make copies of and add to my son's album. They seem friendly enough on the phone, but all deny that they have any family pictures at all. Now they say their sister must have them, but she will not return my messages or answer the phone when I call her
Hello All~ Congratulations, Ann! How wonderful that you found your son! Please keep us updated on how things go for you. I agree with Jackie on the birthfather issue. This part of the story is not yours . Give your son what you have with love & let that side of the story happen as it will. When my son & I were reunited 2 years ago, I contacted the b'father & he refused contact. I was hurt & disappointed that he would refuse to hear of, or from, our son. I took it on personally, even tho it was not me who was refusing contact. It took me a long time to realize that this was none of my business. I should have given my son the name & phone # of his father & let him take it from there. Don't take on issues that are not yours & that you can't control. These relatives of your former partner have their own agendas & you don't know what is driving their decisions. Let it go & delight in your relationship with your b'son! I certainly am enjoying mine & now I figure that his b'father is the one who loses out! Best of luck!
Advertisements
Ann, I just wanted to pop in and give you good wishes for your future meeting and this new chapter in your life. This has been quite a journey I'm sure. I also agree with the other posters, concentrate on your reunion and your relationship. I know how much you want to connect everyone invloved, but your son is a grown man and can go down that path if he chooses to.
I am not an adoptee in reunion, I am not a birthmother seeking my child- I am a sister who lost her brother, a daughter who lost her mother. My first thought when I read about the birthfather's family's response, or lack of, when it comes to picture exchanges was to think of their grief. I tried to imagine myself in their shoes after my brother's death, or what if it were my mother someone wanted pictures and information about. Frankly, I wouldn't be able to go there emotionally, not even now nearly two years later after my brother's death. There is no way of telling what is happening for these folks, and I know there is history there for you, but the feelings may run so deep that they are doing the best they can to care for what's right in front of them and the thought of openning a new door into another history might be too painful to consider taking on. They may not be heartlesss, their hearts may simply hurt too much already and they may feel vulnerable to feeling more pain.
All the best, safe travels and I hope you have a wonderful time.
Oh my, I finished the posts on the first page and tears were just rolling down my face! I though there were no current updates, I thought the thread ended there (maybe I didn't let the page load all the way) - but then I went back and checked. I'm SO glad you found your son Ann - heck *I* needed the closure just from that first page! lol I'm so very happy for you. Please update when you can, it's so exciting. Too true Jackie, too true.
There are silences that can bring you to your knees..
Oh Ann please don't leave us hanging like this.I have just been reunited with my Bson June 21,05 after 38 years we just had are first f2f and it was such a rush. That time it was just me and him, talk about nerves. He is comming back in 3 weeks to meet the rest of the clan so this time I hope that I will be more relaxed. Those HUGS sure felt gooooood. My crystal ball just said that you are having a great reuninMaria
Advertisements
I want to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who cared about my search, and cried with me when I got discouraged. My son is the sweetest, handsomest, smartest young man I could ever hope to know. I told him how proud I am of him, and he said that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to him. He is so much more than I hoped for, and not judgemental. We talk on the phone usually three or four times a week, and my husband and I are leaving in two days (just two more days!!!) to spend a week with him. I have been three times, but this will be my husband's first time to meet him. I'm so excited about their meeting, too.
My gorgeous son will be coming south to spend at least a week with us in January.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. God truly does answer prayer.
What a wonderful group of people you are. If I can ever help any of you in your search, please let me know.
Ann
