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We are now almost one month into parenting our new 6yr old son T. He is a handful, but nowhere near the bipolar, oppositional defiant kid he came billed as!!! He is on much less medication and can actually make it through the day with less than 2 two hour naps. No wonder he hasn't made much academic progress. He is definitely testing the "I'm in charge" boundary at times. He also is quick to threaten to leave if we are too mean. He is funny and loves to eat. He is very affectionate, but is still able to verbalize missing his foster family and old school. Hard for me to fathom what an upheaval the transition can be for kids.
WE had a wonderful ceremony put on by CYFD at our home last night. It involved our family(parents, two existing children and new child), his foster parents, his previously adopted bio sibs and their families and lots of our supportive friends. The CYFD caseworker read a beautiful document about the three candles of his life. First the gift of life from his birth parents, second the candle for all those who helped him along the journey (foster families, caseworkers, GAL, school, etc. The third candle we all (our family) lit together to signify his entrance into our forever family. It was very moving and I suggest something like this to anyone adopting. He felt very loved and supported and celebrated-which hasn't happened much in his life. We are so blessed to have him and our wonderful suport system. Well, I have rambled enough.
Karen
PS> Sorry if this is duplicate-I posted on blended families too
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I love the candle idea, thanks for sharing.
Ruith
Mom to Princess Savanna thru adoption 07/27/00
Waiting for #2 since 08/06/03
One failed match
Currently Match - it's a boy due 01/06/05
Sure-I will copy the paper she gave to us and post it tomorrow. thanks for the interest.
Karen
it sounds like a great ceremony for him, esp. since he's six and able to take away the importance and emotion of the moment. I like that so many people were able to get together to support him. glad he's doing so well in your care:-). Every kid needs to be celebrated in such a way-no presents, just family, friends and love.
congrats!
LisaCA
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Here is the statement during the candlelight ceremony
"T, The three candles you see here represent the milestones of your life.
The first candle is the candle of life. This candle represents your birth parents who brought you into this world and gave you life. It represents the many gifts you received from them: your beautiful smile, the color of your hair and eyes, and your talents.
The second candle is the candle of caring and hard work. This candle represents all of the people who have cared for you and watched over you, helping you learn, grow and feel loved. This candle represents all the people who have helped and supported you; making sure you were safe, healthy and happy-- your foster family, your therapists, your guardian ad litem, your teachers and your social workers.
The last candle is the candle of love and hope. It represents your new adoptive family-the forever family you will make with Susan and Karen. As your parents, Susan and Karen will be there for you today, tomorrow,...and always. T, you now have a forever family. This evening we celebrate the beginning of something very special. As you and your new family light this last candle, remember it is the first thing you will do together as a family.
The road ahead of you will be filled with great adventures, and firsts. From now on you will always have each other. Life, caring, hard work, love and hope have brought us all here today as we celebrate Susan, Karen, Angelo, Tessa, and T becoming a new family.
There will be ups and downs, joyful times, and difficult times, tears and laughter. Mistakes will be made, accomplishments will be celebrated, and everyone will love, live and grow. These are the things that make a family a family.
The five of you will always be connected in your hearts and souls. Today you are a forever family. Congratulations. "
By the last paragraph, T had his birth sister looking at the fish in our fishtank. It was touching and emotional and such a typical six year old moment!!!!
Hope you find this reading inspiring. We sure did. Thanks again for all of your positive thoughts.
KAREN
Thank you so much for sharing this. I am the foster parent facilitator for PRIDE classes (foster/adopt training) and this is great for anyone adopting older children.