Positive Stories?

i have a friend who was adopted and has never really felt the need to meet bfamily but was very excited when she was pregnant with her daughter cuz she couldn't wait to finally have someone that looked like her. her daughter does not have one physical trait that looks like her. she said it took all those years to realize, it really doesn't matter if you have someone in your fam that looks like you or not. good luck to you.

I felt the exact same way you did about being adopted- no need to meet birthfamily, except to thank them for giving me a great life....but then motherhood happened to me. After having two of my own kids and watching them grow, I was very fulfilled to see some of my traits - physical and otherwise- come out in them. (And they do look alot more like hubby than they do me) It was only 6 months or so ago (I'm 29 yrs) that I decided to quit blocking it out of my mind and pretending I was fine with not knowing and I wrote for my non-id info. While waiting, I found this website. I have learned so much about myself, about my preconceived notions, about the whole thing. One of the most wonderful things to have happened to me was to meet and hear about birthmothers. It has truly put a "face" and a "heart" on my own birthmom, wherever she is. Even now I am not quite sure what to expect down the road, what kind of "relationship" I want, or if I will even have the chance to have ANY contact. But I feel also that it is my birthright to at least have information. As for your other question, definitely YES I would adopt. I think that adoptees have a unique perspective to share with an adopted child and my husband and I have discussed quite seriously starting the adoption process. Good luck to you, enjoy the forums here!

Hi I am an adoptee who always, always wanted to know who I am, where my looks and mannerisms came from, health history and the list goes on and on. When I had my children I was so delighted to finally have real live biological relatives! But then I had even more questions. Life and laws got in the way so many times to keep me from searching. But 4 years ago I took the "plunge" and found my bfamily. It has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. You may never decide to search or you may search and find and not want a relationship with your bfamily. You may find and really surprise yourself with emotions that you don't know you have. Your bfamily may be so wonderful that you really would like to get to know them. I think too sometimes we adoptees "bury" our feelings thinking that we are being disloyal to our afamilies. I had the 2 most wonderful adoptive parents in the world and I know they would have loved my bfamily too.

AdopteeJen, to answer your questions, I was always like Snuffie: However, I spent most of my life in denial, because I have a wonderful afamily, and they like to think of me so much as their own that they can't/won't talk to me at all about my "roots," let alone acknowledge any of my feelings. Snuffie makes a great statement: The turmoil got repressed, for me, at a young age. I became a well-adjusted person in every aspect of life -- outwardly no one has ever seen my confusion or pain. I got married, was the most content I ever was in my life, then had my first child. . . . that's when I wanted to find my bmom and tell her I was ok and thank her. I hadn't started searching yet a couple years later and then she found me. . . . post-contact is a whole 'nother conversation (not bad, just different topic altogether). Let me sum it up in saying that I have had to work thru a lot of issues as a result of denial . . . and I do think those of us that so loved and are so loyal to our families are more prone to be in denial. So if I can ask a question, what prompted you to join the forum? I'm just curious . . . as I know why I joined. Finally, I would adopt and it would be an open adoption, my child would always know from where they came, their feelings would be validated, the topic would not be taboo, having 2 families would be a reason to celebrate, not a cause of shame. . . . but I doubt we will be adopting as my husband and I only need to be in the same room to conceive :) Welcome to the forum, adopteejen. I continue to learn from everyone's perspective as I hope you do, too.

AdopteeJen - I am a reunited adoptee (a little over 4 years) and an amom to our 16 year old son. Growing up all my questions were answered by my adoptive family to the best of their ability. The questions I had were pretty general because I feared the unknown (as most adoptee's do). When I married and we adopted, I knew that I could give my child the same unconditional love, understanding and answers (even more so) like myself growing up. For me, finding my roots was never really an issue. I decided to find them a little after my 37th birthday. It was a personal decision that only I could make. I wasn't ready until then. And even then, I was unsure if that's what I wanted. Now, I have both families in my life. My adoptive family has embraced my birthfamily and vice versa and I couldn't ask for more. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen all the time and I consider myself very blessed. Being an adoptee and raising an adopted child is actually pretty normal for me because I've been there and done that. My son is a great kid, but does not have the desire to meet his roots yet. But when he does, I'll be there for him with open arms to welcome his bfamily into his life. Duchie :cool:

Because you had good parents and you could find an harmony between them and u.A success !

I also have never wanted to find my birthparents. Of course you always wonder, but my thought was that they did the most unselfish thing someone could do. They gave me and my twin brother up for adoption. I always figured it was very hard for them and if they want to find me they could but I wouldn't put them through the pain. We were in a foster home for only 2.5 months and then were adopted by my parents. 2 years after our adoption my mom gave birth to my little sister and boy was I jealous when they brought her home (there's pictures!) My parents told my brother and I that we were adopted when we were very young. I can't ever remember not knowing. I just knew that we were special because my parents picked us out! I know sometimes my brother wanted to look up our birth parents (usually when he didn't get what he wanted or something like that) but he never did. He is happily married now with 2 biological beautiful girls! My sister has a boy and a girl, and I am happily married with 3 biological girls and we are starting the process of researching and gathering information so we can adopt a little boy! I have always wanted to give a child a chance like my parents gave me when my brother and I was adopted.