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Ya know. I had been doing well. The wedding. The job. Josh's job. Having fun TTC. And all it took was one action by someone else to trigger an onslaught of memories, emotions and fears. I am in a desperate state today. I think I brushed my hair? I wasn't aware that I was hiding all kinds of emotions somewhere deep within me and now, that they're out in the open, I have no, absolutely no idea what to do. And I hate not knowing what to do. :( (Additional info: some memories/emotions/fears are adoption related while others (most) are specifically related to the time directly before I found out that I was pregnant - the two year span where my life made absolutely no sense and ... it was not good.) alskd.
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I cant write or journal either. Maybe I should send over the letter format- it's typically for fights with a spouse, but you could "write" it to the person in your past and when its all over burn it as an act of letting it go. Some parts of the letter wouldnt work, but in all it used to help me. I should try that again... PM me if you want it, though I may have already sent it at some point... cant remember...
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Jenna---when I start to write it does not make sense.... but.....as I write very often by the time 20 pages are filled...my hand in pain...I find sense...and I figure out what I feel--what I want to say--and I am better..... I do the Write/Burn thing too...sometimes as a sort of purging ritural.... Sometimes I write TO someone--Sometimes I write to ME--sometimes I write to God....It can help
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(Jenna)
Sometimes, I find in the craziest parts of life I can really keep it together...i hit my stride and do awesome! BUT after life returns to normal....things calm down.....my body and mind just seems to go kuput! (is that a word?)
Hopefully you will work yourself through this....take care
Leigh
JennaAre you feeling any better??? Am worried about you.As an "older" bmother in a new reunion,(child is 40 years old !!) I know all about things "popping up" and "slapping you in the face" !!It is a horrible feeling, one I am not sure how to deal with most times either. Please let us know you are o.k.janie
Jenna I'll accept "decent" for now. It's a whole lot better than where you have been for the past few days. Please try to hang in. I know it's so easy for us to say, but remember - we've been there too, and are still having many days like you. If we can help in any way, please let us know !!janie
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((((Jenna)))) hope things are going better for you right now. Some things I do when I can't sleep that may help you are read a book, I have a mini zen Garden which is great, it came with a soothing nature sound cd, and if it's anxiety that's driving you to insomnia I'd definitely reccomend the Zen Garden. I don't know how you feel about medication, but I used to take Cerequil (SP?) and it would literally knock me out for about 8 hours, but I'd definitely try other things before the sleeping aids. If you know how to play any instruments, play until you get tired. I've been known to play piano until dawn sometimes!!LOL. anyways, hope this helps.
Thanks hon. I've been feeling on the up and up (though not GREAT) for the past week. I've been a bit swamped at work again so not having time to think about stuff "helps," though I think it only masks the hurt and pain. I don't take much medication because of my kidney. It's a great time, really. <-sarcasm.