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in 1970 I was adopted by a 41 and 43 year old. I love them dearly, but grew up just hating that age gap. Everyone else had cool young parents and mine looked like grandparents(although vital and healthy) Generation gap was also a negative when it came to amom helping me with hair, clothes, etc. When it came to sex talk ......forgetaboutit!
I was only 23 when i buried my father , I am 35 with a 75 year old mother who is having serious health issues and i am in the position of having to care for her almost daily while raising three young children, etc...all the chaos in a young family. My peers won't have to deal with this issue, when they are called upon to deal with elderly parents, likely their children will be raised and gone, finances will be stable, more time and life experience to deal with this. Also.......My children are going to be screwed out of grandparents for the majority of their lives., this is just my opinion.oh. and i also had an extreme desire to be a young mother because of having older parents.(married at 17)
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Bug-n-Bears-Mommy
..."older" parents find themselves treasuring every day they have their children while those who become parents while they are very young count down the days...
JGarrick
That's sadly true. However, I don't think there's any point in trying to convince this person. Her posts reflect the attitude of someone who's seeking someone - anyone - to blame for her problems. If it wasn't her too old adoptive parents, it would have been someone else.
madeline25
Thanks ladies for all the input to this post. I have been so worried about our age and my husband even more so. These posts have helped very much with our decision to move forward.
Also, My husband and I were watching a wonderful movie called seconhand lions. The story is about a boy who is raised by two 70something uncles after the boy's mom drop him off with the uncles. The story shows how the age doesn't matter in influencing and inspiring this boy's life, but that these uncles "lived" while they were alive. There is a quote in the movie given by one of the uncles (Robert Duvall) I have below...well...because it moved us. And also showed that the value of wisdom an older parent or guardian can bestow on a child...
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lonni
...I feel ALL feelings are valid for that person...I don't think she should be shamed for her attempt to warn paps that their adoptee may also feel this.Maybe posting in adoptee support would have been wiser,but I don't think your comment was fair.
Well I guess there is no hope for me. I am 52 years old and am adopting a son. There was a 48 year difference with my baby sister and my parents and she always wanted younger parents, but what she doesnt realize is that she actually got the best of my parents, when they had more time and were able to give her more individual attention.
Nothing is perfect.
A parent is one that provides LOVE to their child. One who is their in good times and in bad, to encourage and protect. A parent takes care of their child and their ultimate responsibility is to help their child grow up to become a self sufficient adult. Our jobs basically are to teach a child to grow up. I do not think you can put an age limit on it. Parenting isn't about being "cool", "Hip", or being up to date with times. Parenting job is a touch job, we aren't supposed to be "friends" but rather parents who provide guidance to our child. Even if you are a younger parent, there is no gaurantee that they will live a long life. Sure, chances are much greater, but still, I think having a loving parent regardless of the age is the main thing! So what I am saying is that sure, a child could possibily feel this way, but that is superficial in my book. Parenting is MUCH more than that! Parents over 40 considering adoption, please do not let this post discourage you from parenting if parenting is what you feel called to do. :flowergift: Susan
I had to comment. My Mom was 40, 41, and 44 with her biological children she is 87 now. She said she always ask God to let her live to see her children grow up. She has 13 grandchildren 10 greatgrandchildren and she is waiting for her 4th generation grandchild November 2nd. We had comments is she your grandmom? Never bothered me or embarrassed me Love her with all my heart I will be 46 on November 2nd and my moms still around and kicking. Now I have a 3 year old and a 2 year old adopted in august. ROBIN
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Wow....what a timely thread to resurrect. My wife and I are just starting the process for adoption #2. My wife is 45 and I just turned 44. One of the discussions we had was whether we were too old to adopt again. I do feel that as an older parent that my life has much more stability than it did when I was in my 20's. I do, however, physically feel it at the end of a long day. Everyone does the math of "when she's 20, we'll be 64" etc. I do know one thing for sure, though, if we don't adopt another child, when we do die, our DD will be without much family. I feel that would be a greater tragedy. That's not the only reason we want another child but it is one small part of it.
Having been a paramedic for the last 20 years, there's one thing I can say for sure and that is "there's no guarantee on your birth certificate". Anyone can die at any time for any reason. I don't think age should be a factor in whether you can adopt or not. The sun may explode tomorrow and this will all be a mute point. Point being that "you just never know" :)
Wow, I just found this thread. :-) I didn't really read all of the posts but I get the gist. I do think that a person should have a loving, engaged parent who lives a long time. It does suck to be starting a family and tending to an elderly parent. I know.....I've had to do it...it made me mad. I was 38 when I adopted my first newborn and I will be 40 when I adopt my second. And I am a geriatric fuddy duddy....who has a nose ring, is a filmmaker and chills with Rock stars.....seriously! What a wet rag....I know...poor kids :-( You're only as old as you allow yourself to be.... Oh and PS...as soon as my youngest is old enough and adopted, the fam is heading out to Burning Man! Wee hoo....fuddy vacay...oh and Aria...next year is going to Mexico to touch wild baby whales...I know...snoresville! My mom who I dearly dearly love was 24 when she had me and is bipolar/manic depressive and has tried to commit suicide twice.
Ed and Muse . . . THANK YOU!!!! For cripes sake . . . I see many young, beautiful, well-dressed mommies who don't have a clue. I may not look as good as I used to, and I really don't "chill with rockstars" but it sounds wonderful. You really have to be strong to parent a newborn in your 40's (and older), but you have to be even stronger to deal with people and their generalizations. Thanks again for making me smile.
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