New Forum For Fostered Adults

Since I do remember my past and not for many good reasons I do think if someone would have adopted me at age 2 I would have been better off. I remember a past foster mom. She was racist and mean to my roommate. I would have rather had a stable loving family to be raised by then be moved. Once when I was 14 I went to school like any other day and then I was picked up early and told I had to move again. I had plans for the weekend and felt so out of control and totally helpless. My life was being torn apart and there was nothing I could do about it. I was only a teen and had no say in where I lived or who raised me. When my kids are older I want to take in teens who are in similar situations as I was. What is hard to be sure of is if the teen is actually how they seem on the first impression. I was a nice kid but I knew some girls who acted sweet and kind and then when the possible adoptive parents were gone they would lie, cheat, steal and beat others. I still think all kids deserve the best. The ones that have been through the most need the most! :)

Have you ever done a speech in front of a group of social workers? Your life story could change the lives of others for the good. This world puts so much importance on children in foster care staying with family even when it is not a good situation. Children need to have rights just like adults do. They deserve to be loved, protected, and taken care of by adults. Family is important but not more important than the child. I know you will be one of the best Foster Parents because you have been there. You will be able to reach children that noone else can get close to. Please share your story in order to help others.

My husband and I have been foster parents since 2000. We have also taken in "Cool Home" teens. We took in teens but decided to wait until our bio boys, ages 4 and 7 years were older. I have talked to many teens about being in "The System". I let them know they are not alone and that it is hard but you can make it and become a great adult. I have a wonderful husband and two wonderful boys and am in the process of adopting a beautiful toddler girl. My past was tough and I eventually made it through. :)

[font=Comic Sans MS]Hello everyone. My name is Holly and i think that this addition to the boards is awesome. I was placed in foster care as a teenager (16yrs old). I was raped a yr prior to entering care and had an abortion (i weighed all the odds and this was best for me and my baby). I went to an aweful private foster home. Once they found out that i was pregnant they told my worker and tried to force me to have an abortion. And they failed. Since that didn't work they told me i had to get a job and pay rent. If i didn't work then i had to clean the house. Well one day while cleaning i forgot to empty the lint trap in the dryer... my foster father came in and started screaming at me.... "you didn't clean this F***'n room at all. Why can't you follow directions. When you clean the laundry room you have to move out the washer and dryer and clean them too". When i told my case worker and the guidence office at school... they didn't beleive me and when they called them to discuss that "i was unhappy" well i got punished even worse... no going outside, no going anywhere in the house except to my room (that i shared) and to the bath room. Theylocked the basement door so that i wouldn't be able to get to the rest of the house. I wasn't allowed to use the phone or anything... it was horriable... [/font][font=Comic Sans MS]As of this date they are no longer foster parents.[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]Thank heaven for small favors. There where charges brought forth and where thrown out. They said that it was all in my head. (which i'm as sane as sane can be).[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]I would have loved to be adopted, but i was told that i was unadoptable because my Bio mom wouldn't relinquish her rights. She told my case worker that i wasn't anyone elses responsibility. But yet she wouldn't let me be adopted (i had a family that wanted me and everything)[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]Thank ya'll for listening.[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]Holly[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]ps... i think Teenagers are missunderstood when it comes to carring for them. all they want is someone to listen to them and their "corky" problems. And someone to ask how there day was (just like you do to your hubby or wife). They want there own "special" space in this world. For some they feel that is asking too much.[/font]

[font=Comic Sans MS]I would have loved to be adopted, but i was told that i was unadoptable because my Bio mom wouldn't relinquish her rights. She told my case worker that i wasn't anyone elses responsibility. But yet she wouldn't let me be adopted (i had a family that wanted me and everything)[/font][/QUOTE] I am so sorry for your loss of an opportunity to be adopted! Do you feel that children should have a chance to express their feelings to a judge privately and have rights to participate in the decisions that are made pertaining to the rest of their life? Children deserve to have rights, just like adults, if not more.

Holly, I totally understand. That was a major problem I remember...People did not listen to me. They just moved me everytime something happened. I did not want to be passed around yet I was too young to be listened to and taken seriously! We are now out of foster care and living our lives. We have worked through, moved on and grown. The things I saw while in foster care just blow my mind! My roommate was shot outside our facility, there were teen boys hiding in one home's garage (illegally there), a girl tried to kill herself with dirty dish water and a syringe, kids sniffing whiteout in a closet, things being stolen, girls being raped by other girls and guys who visited, one of the worst "so called" schools and very poor health care. We were treated like trash, unwanted teens! Even if we were looked at for adoption the places we stayed did not want to let us be adopted...They would no longer get money for us. The people I came across and lived with were very interested with the money part of foster care!Shelly

This is to announce this is a new "womens group" for those who sought out there natural families and were rejected. The group is for adoptees and bmoms who are seeking reunion, those from foster care system all who have been rejected. Also included are the in-family adoptees who are not allowed the mother/ daugher relationship that nature intended. It is all REJECTION. The name of the group is "REJECTION...no way to treat a lady" anyone interested please post me privately. I understand that including foster care with adoptees is not the norm. We are about healing and not worried about the norm. hugs-carol

I aged out of foster care after ten years in the system. It was not too bad growing up in foster care. The hardest part was actually AFTER I left care, not during. The transitioning process is pretty scary.

The state is obligated to do "reasonable efforts" for kids to be reunited. it is not the judge's choice or the workers' choice, just how it is.

Hi, well i can join this group.i was in care from age 9 to 18 in 9 different homes.i am now 46,have raised 4 bio children,and am married for the second time.my hubby and i are waiting to adopt through our state.the system has changed alot but still needs changes.nanab

You are right. There have been a lot of changes. For exampe, they did not have Aftercare when I aged out. Aftercare is basically money and resources for kids ho have left care but are under age 21. They can use the money for anything that promotes self-sufficiency, more or less. The connections are the really priceless part, if kids use them wisely. I'm not sure if all states have this yet or not.

One thing all of the states do have is ETV (Education and Training Voucher) Programs. That is money for education and training beyond high school. The beauty of it is that it does not even have to be traditional college. It can be community college, beauty school, truck driving school, etc. It's a beautiful thing.

[font=Tahoma]Hi Everyone,We've recently fostered a 2-year beautiful baby boy named Julian for 10 months...then the day before the adoptive parents arrived here in the Philippines, our social worker called to inform us that we would have to turn Julian over to his adoptive family after 3 days. The separation process was so abrupt , the actual turn over happened in a span of 2 hours-- we(foster family) and the adoptive family met at the orphanage and after an hour of talking, the adoptive sister started playing with Julian (Julian being a vry sociable child was cool w/ it)...but while this was happening, knowing that was the last time I'd ever see him playing, laughing...I just broke down crying in front of everyone (so did my mom), the social worker then hurriedly rushed us out of the room & into another room so the child wouldn't see us crying. After about half an hour, the child started running around looking for us saying "Mama, mama, where? Mama where?" and started trying to open the door where we were locked in... the social workers then told us that because the child was looking for us, we COULD NO LONGER say goodbye to him anymore because it'll be tough for him to leave us. So I felt completely helpless --I realy wanted to at least say Goodbye & not being able to do so just tore my heart into pieces. The adoptive family was then ushered out to leave the orphanage first with us still hidden in the room but we were allowed to peer through the window...and all the more I broke down. I saw the child run to our car (which was parked outside) looking for us then the adoptive father just carried him away...although the child didn't cry, he had a very stioc, glassy-eyed look, confused look...that was the last time I saw him...I wanted to run out to say Goodbye - to hold him just one last time but I couldn't and that just killed me...I was devastated...the pain was excruciating...I felt this was extremely traumatic for BOTH parties- the foster family & for the child. I was under the impression that the separation would be gradual...our family and the adoptive family gets together little by little familiarizes themselves with the child and when the child gets to a point where he's extremely comfy, that's when the turn over takes place. Am I wrong? According to the social workers of CRIBS PHILIPPINES and their FILIPINO child psychologist, this is the best procedure. Is this really how it's supposed to be or are these so-called "social workers" and "child psychologists" just plain incompetent? Can someone please please help shed some light on this? I know my whole family is devasted over the loss of Julian...I don't want Julian to feel as if we've abandoned him....I really just want him to be happy:([/font]

I just wanted to send you some big hugs!!!!!!!!!!! God bless you!

I really didn't enjoy foster care. I was treated like trash. My foster parents always had the worst things to say about everything. They tore down my dreams, talked down my family, criticized anything I did or said, thought everything I ever did or said was open to argue about, and complained about anyone or anything. Whenever I tried to bring up something positive or something I liked it was brushed off with some indifference. I never had anyone to confide in. I was moved to so many schools and so isolated as a child that I was terrible at making friends. I was horror stricken with strangers, and avoided conversation with anyone I could, only talking to people when necessary. My foster parents never trusted me with a key to the house and I remember often being left out in the rain or snow when I came back from school. Every little thing just reminds me of how little I was regarded. I never got a ride to a friend's house. I wasn't even allowed to sleep over anywhere. I feel so deprived of the typical child & teen experience. Having friends, having fun, playing sports, going to see movies, going to the mall. No not for me. I was stuck in my room from monday to sunday. For the entire year.

The best foster care experience is aging out. It doesn't matter what your foster parents are like. If they are good, they'll help support you, if they are rotten, you're better off without them. I loved being independent. The best thing that ever happened to me, and I was never as happy as the day I left foster care. I love that I can celebrate that occasion on my birthday too! I just feel kinda depressed that I didn't get the same treatment as other kids growing up. I feel like I'm at such a huge disadvantage as everyone else. Kids several years younger than me have their driver's licence. I can't, you know why? I can't afford it, let alone a car. Plus I've been enabled not to, because I get monthly bus passes. Do you know how hard it is to get from point A, B, and C on a daily basis by method of bus? I'd be better off biking if it weren't for awful weather. Another thing is roommates. You know that most apartments are in the $600 range. I get $800 a month. That leaves $200 leftover for food/phone bills/ internet bills...ect. There is no way I could ever pull that off. You know what I had to do when I aged out of care while still in highschool? Live with strangers twice my age. Guess what? They tend to hit on you. Yeah, doesn't matter if you're a virgin, they'll still try to get in your pants without a second thought. And guess what. I had no choice but to just put up with it, because I had no friends who could afford to live on their own and be my roommate. So I had to live with strangers. And I don't even care. That's in my past. I'll still claim it is the best experience. Moving past foster care was the most satisfying thing for me. I could buy things of my own, for once. I had my own place. My own room. I had no curfew. I had no one to bully me. But I'm still haunted by the side effects. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get an adequate job. I fear poverty is inevitable. I oppose pregnancy so strongly I will abort any potential baby I might have, as it would be such a burden and setback to my future. I don't want the cycle to continue. I don't know if I will ever have kids, because I don't know if I will ever be a success.