Question for bmoms- who did you tell?

My mom and dad were told along with my sisters and brother. Eventually my mom told my aunt. And of course the bdad and his family knew as did our friends. Over the years, I have told close friends and significant others. I have just recently told my raised children. And I can truly say now that I don't care who knows. But that comes with maturity.

Every one in my life knows my story and situation... the first to know of course was the birthfather and my parents then my mom told every one of her friends I told all of my friends and all the family was told so in short the whole world knew about it !! I am fine with that cause I have pictures of him all over and I am very proud to have him as a son!

i doubt it will help much, but i have told just about everybody i know, but everybody is different and some may be very secreative....only my immedaite family knew until i gave birth.....and then i wanted the wohle world to know!

Hi All, Thank you so much for your replies. After reading them it makes me think even more that someone out there had to know about me. Guess I will need to keep searching but it seems that my bmom's immediate family did a wonderful job of keeping me a secret. But you have given me some ideas. God bless all of you. Hugs Snuffie

Interesting thread. Query: Bmoms, who would you tell now? Secrecy effectively put my reunion to an end. -J.

Hey Snuffie, I'm posting so I can keep seeing the answers. You know our stories are alike in so many ways! So far no one knew about me either, at least those who are alive. So, let's you and me just keep on hoping together for someone to know who both of wour birth fathers are. Geez! If we could just find names!! Hugs hun, Wendy

Hi Snuffy, This has been one of the more intersting aspects of runifying with my bsiblings ~ who knew what. My half sister seven years younger than I was told by my bmom before she died. She even knew my name. My half brother who is 7 years older knew nothing. He was with his dad at the time of my birth and adoption and there was a custody battle going on. Both my bmom's parents knew, her dad was trying to get his drunk self together to help her keep me while her drunk mama convinced her to give me up or so it appears at this time. There's a second cousion who vagely remembers that she had a baby and gave it up while that cousion's sister knew nothing of my existance. I've been on the quest for daddy dearest myself and am running into the same brick walls. No one it appears knew who he was! My Grandmother has a couple of younger brothers who are still alive and I've got their numbers but have been putting off calling them. It's weird cuz I was just thinking about calling them this morning. I spoke to the attorney who did the adoption and apparently was her lover and he can remember everything about the adoption except who my father was. I've spoken to him twice and I strongly suspect he's it. I'm still waiting for California to get their act together and get my petition before the judge hopeing that will give some more info. Whoever's listed on my OBC is NOT my father according to the non-id info. I've not been able to come up with a name on any of my mother's friends other that this criminal attorney who was at her beck and call for her entire life. Don't know if that helps you or not but it's been really strange who knew and who didn't. Best wishes

When I was pregnant, only my parents and a couple very close friends knew. The two weeks before she was born and the next couple months, I told everyone that saw me in my day to day life. When she was about three years old, I started telling my grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc. Now, she is 10 and everyone knows.

Hi Everyone, This is really interesting and frustrating all wrapped into one! Wendy your story is a lot like mine! Wouldn't you think that a town "gossip" or a nosey relative would know something? I just can't believe that no one knew. But I finally found my bmom's best all of her life from toddler to death friend and she didn't know about me! Newlyorphaned it does sound like the attorney is your bdad. Have you seen him? Do you look like him? It's interesting that the man on your OBC is not your bdad. In my case I think the man named on my adoption papers is not my bdad. There is no one named on my OBC. I pray that all of us find the answers we are looking for SOON. Snuffie

Hi Snuffy and everyone, I have not seen the man since he's in Deleware and I am in Oklahoma. I've talked to him twice and he told me "I'm dark, real dark" Guess what I'm dark too and my mother wasn't. I doubt that I will ever get to see him. I've done an image search but come up with nothing. Suposedly he's Leboneese? Hope you come up with something on your father. Sure wish I had some idea's for you. Hang in there miracles happen.

Everyone knows in my case, but my bson is only 15 mos old so it wasn't back in the days when people often felt they had to hide these things. Also an open adoption so there is no hiding....pics of my bson are all over my apartment. I have no shame, hence no need to hide. I personally could not have "hid" if I wanted to.....single mom and had to keep taking care of my elder child so couldn't just take off somewhere. I was also very obviously pregnant at only 2 mos along, there was no way of hiding the pregnancy. I am glad I didn't feel the need to. Bdad on the other hand told noone at all. His own mother has no clue that he has a child that he has never seen. Shell

To Snuffie and anyone else who wonders: I had my son in '76. While in hs I was between Jr~Sr year. I know I spoke of it to the home-ec teacher, I cleaned house for her. the English teacher, I wrote a report on Reunions for my senior English Class. the Phy-ed teacher knew, I was taking Kung-Fu while pg. If you have her name, get a year book, and a teacher to identify some of the people in the book, and sometimes you see couples pictured, Prom, Homecoming ect. Or figure out some of the "popular" kids in the class, they usually always knew what was going on. If it's a small town, you might ask for the name of pastors back then. since my reunion, and I still live in the same town, at age 45, I have contacted that English teacher, and some of those who were involved, to let them know there is a happy ending to a story. I hope to do a newspaper article after bson comes to this area, and meets all the family. today he is recieving his first email contact w/bdad, who didn't know about this till Jan .05, I had to do a DNA test to be sure. AND it will be ok, lucky for bson the bdad still lived around here, and was willing to be tested. A little akward, :o but you have to humble yourself.... It is his right to know the truth. I am so blessed by the relationship we have. :) AND the aparents have played a BIG supportive role.... which makes all the difference. Amom and I get along so sweet.. I sometimes have to pinch myself. ;) I can see us taking a trip together someday. AND I have an open invitation, to call on them whenever I'm in town. (3 hrs away) We email weekly, and call. She believes it can't hurt anyone to have 2 moms caring for you. OK enough for now. I must get cleaning for my mom coming next week, the white glove test.. haha. :eek: Take care and God Bless your journey...sajofo

Wow Newlyorphaned. Sounds like you have found your bdad. Shell, I am so happy for your open adoption! And Sajofo! I am soo excited for your reunion! It sounds like things are really falling into place! Keep us posted! And thank you for the ideas! My bmom had me after high school when she was in the working world. I am "ancient" so don't think too many people are around that she worked with. Her very best friend didn't know about me! I am an extremely well kept secret!

Don't know how I managed to miss this question but if I had my time again I would have disregarded how my parents felt and talked about my son to my closest friends. Philippa :)

As to who knows/who would I tell - well my two girls that I placed are 2 yrs old and 7 mos old. My parents know, pretty much my whole immediate family knows - none of my extended family really knows except one cousin. Like my whole neighborhood area knows and a few of those that know in my neighborhood area that are closer friends to me know more than the others. A few friends know. The only reason why I am selective in who I choose to share with about my two daughters is because they are sacred and special to me. I don't share something as sacred and special as my two daughters and the experiences/relationships I have with them in my semi open adoption with just anyone, but that's just my personal feelings about it. I intend to be very open with my future husband and family once I meet the guy and get married and have kids they will all know about my two girls. I don't want to keep my girls and their existence or my relationships with them and their afamilies a secret from my future husband or my children that I will have and raise someday. Whoever I marry will have to accept the reality of my having two daughters that I placed for adoption and the reality that I plan on having a relationship with each of my girls when they're older if my girls so choose to have a relationship with me. Also that I would like to have my children that I will raise be able to know about and have a relationship with my 2 girls in the future if my children I raise and my 2 girls that I've placed want to have a relationship with each other. Anyway, those are just some of my thoughts and personal opinion on that topic. Anne :)