Punishment for not reading??

Wow! Thanks for all the insight! I agree that we don't know the whole situation, and I don't really have access to any more details. I know I have two bio daughters 17 and 15 - one loved to read, the other hated it. With the one who hated it, we used to read a chapter every night together before going to bed - Little House on the Prairie series, etc. And soon she learned to "like" reading (not love, mind you!). At 15, she finally does actually read just for enjoyment sometimes - although not as much as her sister.I guess I would just have dealt with the reading issue differently. I don't really see any problem with the yard work or being outside all day - that's normal around my house anyway!MomInAL

I've thought quite abit about this post. Glad to see everyone is still cordial despite the very different approaches to discipline. I like the idea of positive rewards. But I also find negative rewards for negative behavior has it's place too (losing priviledges et al). As far as the particular punishment goes I think it is logical. In life we can have office jobs or outdoor jobs. Nothing wrong with either. He can read or do yard work. Or if he chooses not to work, he ends up homeless. That's sounds like life to me. And would you believe I can say that, but in class when I took the what kind of parent are you, I actually scored permissive?

jgalt.....that is too funny, because I'm not really that permissive. I think my responses were gut level out of my own experience (as most of us do), and I really think that when kids just don't like to read there is often other issues such as ADD, dyslexia, or visual processing problems. I completely agree that there should be consequences for the defiance (if that's what it was) in not doing his 1/2 hour of yard work, but not for not reading. I guess that's where I get hung up. For my kids a bigger punishment would be staying in all day....they're moping around right now because it's storming, and they can't be out shooting hoops or playing with the neighbors.

I have to agree with you. I think it is healthy as long as she was supervising him. In our pride classes one woman said she had trouble with a foster son who would not like to ride the bus to school, so he would get kicked off. That meant he would not go to school for the day. She was not sure if he just wanted to stay home or did not like the bus. The driver assured her that there was nothing going on in the bus. So she thought he just wanted to stay home. So while he was at home she had a structured day as if he was at school. He had times to work on his school work and she gave him snacks, lunch and bathroom breaks, but no recess. She said if he went to school he would at least get recess:-) Then he decided he wanted to go back to school and see his friends and have recess. Another time he was told that he could not ride the bus anymore because he was messing with younger students. So she drove him the first few times that he was kicked off the bus. After so many she talked with his case worker and told her what she wanted to do for approval. The case worker said go for it as long as he is supervised. She told him that she was no longer going to drive him. He could not pay anyone to take him. He was 12. She told him he was going to walk. He said you cannot do that because I am a foster child and you have to supervise me all the time:-) She said ok, but you are going to walk. I am going to trail you in my car all the way. He started walking. Then he would look in her window and ask if she was going to drive him now. She said no! He kept walking. Then when they reached a busy intersection she pulled over and walked up to him. She grabbed his hand and held it to cross the street. He was so upset that he never acted up on the bus again:-) Sometimes you have to do stuff like that with your own kids. Foster kids are no different.

My 9 year old son has ADHD and HATES to read. After he was diagnosed and the schools refuses to modify anything for him we took him out of school and now homeschool him. But he still has to read 30 minutes a day to which we set a timer and when it goes off he is done, provided he has read more than a page or two. When he was in school he struggles constantly with reading the first semester we homeschooled him, we did little else other than read. He is a good reader, he doesn't like to read but if we hadn't forced the issue, he would still be reading on a kindergarten level because all kidding aside, he would rather watch paint dry on a wall than pick up a book. I can handle him not liking to read, I will not tolerate not knowing how to read. If he doesn't read for a half hour, he is then told he has to read so many pages and if he has to sit there all day to get it done that is his choice, but he will not be playing inside or outside until the reading is done. Like I tell my son, if he doesn't know how to read, he will not even be able to get a job flipping burgers, let alone join the Navy to fly jets, as is his recent "what I am going to do when I grow up".

I also think it needs to be remembered that it was the child's CHOICE to be out there all day. All that he had to do was decide to read or do yard work for HALF AN HOUR and he could have his freedom. As a mother of 4 boys (one of whom is 10) I can ABSOLUTELY see this as being a proper response to defiance. What the attempt is, is to make "conforming" (ie reading) a whole lot more fun than rebellion. I will cut and paste this from another thread ... lol this is what I had to deal with last night! Tonight Son #1 had a baseball game. So sons #2 and #3 were off running around with all the other younger siblings. Baseball diamond is right next to a playground and small waterpark. So the "big kids" (those over 7) get to go play while the little kids (those under 7) hang around with all the parents watching ball. My boys were over there having a GRAND time playing in the water park and chasing the girls with water "bags" (those doggy pooper grabber bags they have at parks now) and throwing them at them -- and having the same done to them. Suddenly I hear the voice of son #2 wafting over the baseball park "HAHAHHAHAHAHAH THAT HAD PEE IN IT". Ahhhh what????????????? Guess what my brilliant children had been doing??? Using the public washroom toilets (GROSS!!!) -- peeing in them and then filling up the bags from the TOILETS TO THROW AT THE GIRLS. Guess which two children are grounded for the next two weeks? Guess which two children are cleaning a bathroom every day for the next two weeks? Guess which two children are not allowed to go ANYWHERE unsupervised EVER AGAIN???? Guess whose mother is HUMILIATED!!! Jen Mother of Boys Earning my sainthood

The child was given a choice-to read or to do yard work. That gives the child the control. Child refuses either choice so the parent makes the choice. In this case, either the child stays outside until he chooses to do the yard work or the parent could have chosen leaving the child in his room until he reads. Again, the child can choose to end either in 30 minutes. Overly defiant kids want to see if they can make a parent cave in. If the parent caves, the child then views the parent as weak and unsafe. The child was given choices. No one made him stay outside all day except himself. He at anytime could have spent 30 minutes doing yard work. At 10, yard work is an acceptable chore not what I'd consider hard labor.

Jen -I am sorry but I laughed out loud. How old are they. FYI - my youngest bio son could have easy did this. He was always doing something! He is a GOOD teenager with no more issues (knock on wood). His brother that was as good as gold as a child was an TERRIBLE teenager. Maybe you have easy teenager years ahead! :)

The two in question are 9 and almost 8. My 9 year old is a SCAMP, my 8 year old is USUALLY as good as gold. Apparently they are both easily influenced by each other. Oh well ... I am going to have clean toilets ;)

please help!! our oldest foster daughter is special needs and we take every effort to help her with her disablities, but here is what we are facing, we have noticed that she is a ball of energy until she has to do something she doesn't want to do? examples we went to lowes to buy the rest of the play yard for the children and after being in the store for about 20 mins. she suddenly is acting strange and pacing around and needing to go home an take a nap i said we just got here and you were just fine and to make a long story short i asked if her mother ever pushed her in a stroller (for children who have braces on their legs) and she said yes so i put her in the buggy and when we walked up her sister said what are you doing? i said she said that mom does this all the time and the youngest on said no she does not she makes you walk! now this has happened with many things a like when we went to the zoo she decided she was tired and wanted to go home and went into this whole i can't take it anymore crying and screaming fit and i thought oh this poor child and guess what we left and all the other children were crying and begging to stay and as soon as we got into the car she asked if we could go to taco bell. perfectly fine nothing wrong never did take a nap. then she has a bad tooth and mom has let it go to the point that the back is broke off and i know it hurts bad we have been to 2 dentist since i got her (2wks ago) and they will not touch her b/c she screams "i just can't take it anymore" they ask me to take her some where else and i tell them that she tells me all the time that she is a drama queen and we get ready to leave and she shakes all their hands and thanks them for acting with her!! then today she takes very strong meds at noon and needs a nap or else she is exhausted by 3:30 sleeps for hours and up all night so now she needs to have a noon nap of an hour well today she wanted to ride the 4 wheeler and so every 5 min came to her door and asked if it was time yet so after and hour and a half i said yes but you can not ride the 4 wheeler so she went outside and then came back in and said i am going to take my nap now i said why now and she said bc there is nothing to do outside. at first i said no you go back outside and she did but then she stood on the porch and cried and i said okay go take a nap but you can not ride the 4 wheeler until monday now then i ask her if she agreed and she said yes so she took a nap and then went outside and told the children that it was her turn to ride they came and got me and i talked with her about it and now she is mad and suddenly she is so ill she needs to lay down. what should i do about a child like this she is 11 and her sister 9 and every time they get into trouble or something don't go their way the say they want to go home and want their mom. new to foster please help

Routine, routine, routine! They are big enough to sit down and go over the rules in your house. Pick a schedule and stick to it. Dentist is hard - Try to find a children dentist. Call before and see if they will be able to handle her. My fs C will not mention Mom until he is getting time out or being forced to take a nap. The he wants his Mom.

Our daughter is such a smart girl and going into the third grade. She reads fine and is an amazing speller without even trying, but she HATES reading. It's too boring, she says. We buy her workbooks and she loves to sit and do math for hours. She is excited about learning multiplication and plays with flash cards on her own by choice every day. She got mad at me the other day, because we were going to a parade and I wouldn't let her bring her math text book and flash cards. But, ask her to read something and she will pick some pre-school, Dr. Seuss, Sesame Street or kindergarten "learn to read" book. It really gets on our nerves. When I was her age, I was the opposite. I hated math and even after getting a college degree, I have to think long and hard about my multiplication tables sometimes. But, I was excited about reading. At our daughter's age, I was looking for the longest most difficult chapter books I could find to see how fast I could read them. My mom read a book a day and I tried to do the same with my Ramona the Pest, Anne of Green Gables etc. books. T. doesn't want anything to do with a book that has more than one or two sentences on a page, because whahhh whahhh whahhh it takes too long to read all that. But, I am afraid to make a big deal about this. I do not want to make reading seem like a punishment when she is succeeding so well in school and enjoys learning other subjects. Instead, it is a reward... T's bedtime is 8pm and she hates it. So, if she's having a good night, she can read age-appropriate books of her choice in her bed until 8:30. That makes reading a reward, because even though she hates reading, she hates going to bed even more.

We have 5 teen age foster boys. We use work details as punishment for breaking rules. It seems to work well with them because they don't like to work. I would not use this for not reading, but I would use it if they get mouthy with me about not wanting to read. They are all clear on the rules and expectations and they know the consequences of breaking the rules. Our work details consist of weeding the flower gardens, cleaning out the hot tub, Washing the windows, cleaning out the refrigerator or cabinets, Cleaning the garage. That sort of thing. This seems to work better than grounding or any other punishments we have tried. A couple of my boys are not good readers but the seem to be happier with reading if they can read out loud to me. I have them read their history text book assignments out load to me. It helps their reading and I am learning in the process, so I can help with assignments. I Hated History when I was in school!

In my child development classes (I was considering doing in home daycare about 5 years ago) it was said that children should not be given time outs that are more minutes than their age. Example, a two year old should get no more than a two minute time out, four year old get four minute time out (and yes, even before they're a year old they can have time outs (typically 30 seconds)). So if this kid HATES reading so much it is like a punishment or even similar to a time out for this little guy. I really think that 30 minutes can be quite excessive for a child to do something they absolutely hate, though I dont believe it is bordering on child abuse at all. Somehow I managed to get lucky and I can hand my daughter a book and she wont stop till the book is over... oh the joy of two hours of quiet!

Every time someone said 'hard labor' I kept picturing a kid trying to bust open rocks. What kind of hard labor is there in a yard, that a 10yo can do? Anyway, I believe it's not hard labor to do yard work. It is definitely not abuse. There was an ADHD boy of a similar age that I tried to mentor. He read while I was in the room, so I could help him with the hard words. He eventually managed to reach his age level in reading, but moved away (psychologically) and I wasn't able to influence him. It's hard for someone who doesn't live with a kid to influence them enough to make a difference. At least, it was for me in that case. His younger brother and sister are coming up nicely. David