Networking in Minnesota?

M-I'd almost given up on the Minnesota boards. I guess I'm just on the web too much!So why can't you get a 3rd child? I'm assuming if you're with Hope you're looking for an infant - I'm in special needs adoption - but are you domestic or international?? That's just crazy about not allowing families to get in the waiting pool - many bparents prefer families who already have children, let alone have already successfully adopted children. What a crock!What type of child are you looking for? Infant? Toddler? Domestic? Open? Closed? International? Caucasian? Biracial? Hispanic? AA?The adoption support group I run here in NE MN has adoptive families that run the gamut I listed above. Would be happy to ask them what worked & what didn't. But if you're going to Hope, I'm assuming you're in the Cities - in fact, aren't they in Stillwater? I used to live there, and remember going to an informational meeting in Stillwater for Hope. But I didn't use them as they didn't do many special needs adoptions. Up here most families use LSS or North Homes - but there are others. PM me if you'd like and I'll find out what I can for you. I, too, am looking for son #3 or sons #3 and 4. There is some discrimination out there by SWs, even in special needs, thinking that 2 kids is plenty. But if you read these boards, you'll see there are lots of families with 3 or 4 or 5 or more kids in them. I think it's just finding the right agency and SW that agrees with that idea. As for networking - as I said, I run an adoption support group in my hometown, and also belong to the one for my agency, as well as a regional one in Duluth and a special group from the Cities called Harambee - which is for Cauc. families with AA kids. I've met a person or two on this board, but as you can see, it's not well-populated. PM me if I can help you more! Would love to. Sandy

Hi! We're close to Minneapolis and are using LSS, have been for a year and four months now, still waiting for a match. As for networking, we've included letters in our Christmas cards explaining our hopes to adopt and asked if they'd spread the word. This past Christmas, we added a business card that has a web address to view our profile, our toll free number and our e-mail address so that expectant mom's can contact us. We also leave business cards everywhere we go!! :) From the website, we've had two expectant mom's contact us, actually three. The first one was in April, we exchanged a few e-mails and then she lost her computer so she asked if we could write, after we wrote to her, she never contacted us again. The second and third expectant mom's contacted us last week, one received our info from a friend we have in common and she contacted us through the site. So now we're just waiting to hear back from both. We also each have t-shirts and buttons that say Hope To Adopt on them, that helps with networking too. Good luck, hope I've given you some ideas. Deb

Deb,So what did you put on the bottom that got you the big red nasty notice???Appreciate the thought on idea-sharing, but I'm in special needs adoption. Can't afford domestic!!! My options are to scour the web for waiting children photolistings and hoping my worker is checking the MN state lists before they go public for possible kids. It's definitely the program of no control whatsoever. Glad to hear you've had 2 p-bmoms contact you! Hope one of them is the ONE!!!!Sandy

Been busy getting ready for vacation...sorry for the late replies! Sandy, Hope all goes well with your attempt to adopt again. It's great that you have an adoption support group going. I wish our agency did that. Our agency in SE Minn (CC) is Ok with us adopting again but since the domestic newborn waiting list is backlogged, they are not open to parents trying for #3. Deb, Hopefully one of the leads from your web page will work out! The wait can be maddening. You have a lot of guts wearing the T-shirt....can't be shy with that on! Hopefully your openess will lead to a placement. Does LLS have a support group for the waiting families? Good luck to everyone. Does anyone else from Minn want to chime in? :)

M, We didn't do the "domestic infant" route, so I'm not sure what advice I could give you other than what has been listed already. Both of our children are AA. We adopted both at birth. We are most likely going to start the process soon to look for a sibling group of 2 or 3 to adopt. They will be AA as well. Our DS is mentally impaired, so doing special needs is no problem for us because we've had hands-on training! :) We didn't know about any of his disabilities until he was 3 yrs. old. M, good luck with your next adoption! Sandy, I think we need to talk! :D I believe we have a lot in common and probably much to share!

mn mom - You go, girl! I'd LOVE to have someone to talk to here in my own neck of the woods. :D :D :D Are you with LSS? North Homes? County? where are you looking for your next set of kids? Domestic or special needs/waiting child???If you didn't go domestic, how did you get your kids at birth? :confused: County? Are you foster parents as well??Sorry I have so many ?s. Am currently really annoyed and fried with the special needs adoption system. Am getting NOWHERE!!! It's a toss-up between me getting rejected because I'm a single parent; am Caucasian (and primarily apply for AA or biracial AA children); I live in NE Minn - or in my darker days - I'm being blackballed.(sigh) I just don't know. I do know this is ridiculous to still be looking for 1-1/2 years and not be any closer!!!! (Let alone REALLY frustrating)Would love any tips! But love general B.S. as well!!!!:p Look forward to your post! Sandy

I had listed the web address for our profile on my signature, since I've been a member for almost 2 years now, I didn't realize it was a big NO NO, I didn't mean to offend anyone. :eek: Thanks for the well wishes too! :D Hang in there everyone, Deb

I am also a hopeful mom-to-be in NE MN. Our homestudy is supposed to be certified next week. For those of you out there who have already adopted, did your social workers provide you with a complete history of your child before adoption? I have heard some horror stories of parents having to threaten disruption before they are given a decent history on their child. And also of issues being covered up or not addressed until it was too late, such as FASD and RAD. I guess I just want to be as prepared as possible and ask the right questions when we are given a referral, so we can make sure that we are prepared to address our kids special needs. I know this is off the original thread's subject and I apologize, but it seemed like it was the only active one in the MN area. I am just hoping to get in touch with others out there who have had positive experiences. ______________ Homestudy complete July 2005...the wait begins

Younger children, even with sibs, are hard to find. Are you able to look outstate? If so, I can rattle off a few websites where you can go look for little ones. Heck, I think there's even a group from Hennepin County with little ones. What sex/ages/issues are you looking for/able to accept? PM me if you want to keep it private. Happy to help. As for complete history of your child........that's a tricky issue. Here's something to think about. Kids are in foster care due to parents' inability to parent them. Records are usually slim to none, let alone sometimes nonexistent because birth family didn't bring them to dr's in the first place. With my boys, I don't know much. And their birth fathers are unknown, so that's a whole other boondoggle right there. But even the bmoms didn't know much, they were young and had drug issues and weren't much help at filling out the health questionaires. The county will give you the info they have, but that's usually not much. Bfamily could have moved around a lot, and it's not like the county can (or will) keep track of that - so they could have medical records from different hospitals and clinics in 6 different states - or 6 different counties in the same state. It's just difficult. Your best bet is to have testing done as much as possible before hand, let alone before you finalize, so you can get additional subsidy (or walk away if it's too much for you to handle) to help you out in the future. Also, ask to speak to as many people in their lives as possible - former foster parents, babysitters, relatives, daycare providers, Head Start or preschool teachers, etc. Ask them their opinions on what the kids issues are. Support groups are great. They can also let you know which SWs/CWs (social workers or case workers) in your area, neighboring counties, etc. are good and honest to deal with and who's not. They'll also help you think of questions to ask. This forum also has sections, in foster care and special needs, about a variety of kids' issues where you can ask specific questions, including what questions to ask! Hope that helps. If you're close to Ely, let me know, we can always use more people in our Support Group! PM me anytime with questions or comments or venting due to waiting frustration. Sandy

Hi, It is good to see that there are a few people posting on the MN site. I check it once in awhile but not real often. My DH and I are working with an adoption agency in Fergus Falls. We are looking at adopting a sibling group out of foster care. We are in our early 40's and have no bio children. I saw a sibling group of 4 boys posted on a state photolist. Ages 2-8. The write up sound good about them but sometimes I wonder about the write up. Can the children really be that good? We have not sent in our home study for them yet because our social worker is finishing up our update, (we have been trying to adopt for a year and changed agencies). So has anyone else been our situation where they have gone from no children to multiple children? What has been your experience? What would we be getting ourselves into? Yes, people say "Your life will really change!" We know that, we just want to be slightly prepared. Kathy

Sandy, Thanks, I forgot I posted here until I checked it just now so sorry it took so long to respond... We are working with North Homes and our social worker asked us to give them a year before we started pursuing children out of state. I look all over the US all the time but I thought I would give her the benefit of the doubt. What was the group from Hennepin County with younger children that you mentioned? We are hoping to adopt siblings (hopefully 2 but maybe 3), boys or girls under the age of 5 (we are flexible on the ages, however). We are open to mild to moderate emotional and behavioral issues except for FASD and I am beginning to think RAD of any form. Race is also not an issue for us (although we are aware of the effects it could have on our children). We attended our first support group through the agency in the beginning of the month. I have to be honest, I didn't glean a whole lot from it. It seemed that many (although not all) of the parents there had adopted their kids as babies and the other waiting parents like us didn't say too much. My husband asked a few questions but only 1 or 2 people really talked a lot. Maybe I expected too much and maybe next time will be different. We are from Wrenshall, which is just south of Cloquet. Also, just so I can complain to somebody, and I know this is typical, our homestudy was completed the first week of July...we haven't heard from our social worker since. I have emailed her to follow up...no response. I would have PM'd you but it had been so long since the post. I would love to hear more about your adoption experiences! TS

I just got an email from our social worker. She said " [font=Arial]Will get back to you soon with some possible kids." How exciting is that! I feel guilty now for complaining LOL.[/font]