Telling your child about birth siblings

Adrienne - First off Welcome to the forums. I am sure you will get lots of support here :) Secondly, my boys also have siblings that were both placed (one) parented (one) and unsure exactly where she is right now (one). The best thing you can do is be honest. From the sounds of things, you are going to have an open adoption. Will visits be included in that? I wont say that your child wont grieve not being parented with his/her birthparents and siblings or that your child wont question why they were placed and others weren't HOWEVER by being honest with the child from day one you will be way further ahead. Also, I imagine that there are some real, tangible reasons why this mom is considering adoption for her child. Those reasons would be apparent to a child without you even having to mention them if you are having on going visits. So yes, this might be hard for your child to process BUT honesty, openness and a willingness to talk with your child should allow you to face it head on. Jen

You know, honesty is the best thing. And truthfully, the situation you have expressed is not that uncommon. Consider this as well..........there are some adoptees on the forums who have expressed that once they realized what 'life would have been like if they would have been raised in their birthparents' home'.......they were ever-so-thankful to have been released for adoption. Yes, having birth sibs can/could complicate matters.......but truthfully, I think it would be no more awkward to 'tell' about this aspect of a child's life, than some of the possible factors relating to a child's birth (drug use, reasons for adoption, etc.) Everyone---adopted or not, has some history---good and more difficult to deal with. But the bottom line is always to be honest and forthright in answering questions that may arise along with those specifics of a child's adoption. As long as you're honest.......the child will trust you to bring him/her everything you know. That in itself will mean everything to any child...adopted or not. Most Sincerely, Linny

I have an adopted daughter who is 2 1/2. She was six days old when we picked her up from the hospital. We have always told her about her other siblings. We tell her that they are her sisters and brother. They live with their grandmother who lives very close to us. Her siblings visit our house and have spent the night a few times. I have their pictures up on my wall with my own children's photos. I did this after her sister then 3 1/2 asked "Where's me, Where's me?" Her biological grandmother is now one of my closest friends. I don't know how all this will turn out in the end but I will know that I tried to have the kids know each other. I have even wondered how my biological son will feel if the other kids don't consider him as their brother too. I had my biological son 3 days before my now adopted daughter was 8 months old. They are very close and resemble each other so much people usually think they are twins. I have been very blessed in that her bio grandma considers my bio son her grandson as well. When I thanked her for this she said how could anyone not love that little boy. She warms my heart often. The biological mother of the children has returned home recently so we will have to wait and see how everything plays out.

Adrienne, First, understand and help your child (if they are placed with you) understand that their placement had nothing to do with the child themselves. They place (if she does) because they could not parent any child born to them at that time. Second, you haven't said what openness there will be post-placement. I would really encourage ongoing contact of some sort so when the tough questions do come, those who made that decision are available to answer and those other children affected by the decision maintain ties. JMHO, best of luck. Regina