Question about biracial adoption

I would tell you that other than going through your state foster to adopt system, getting an older baby or toddler is not so common and your wait may be significant. I would also say that adopting a toddler that might be older than your own child now, may not be the best idea. Many will tell you (as well as many agencies) that adopting 'out of order' isn't always the best thing to do, as it often disrupts the 'position' your own child has in the family now. KWIM? And....from personal experience, if you are wanting a baby...adopting a child as young as possible, is the easiest in transitioning and 'molding' the child's character (but you probably already knew that). Of the seven children.....three were 'older child adoptions'. Of the three...the youngest 'older child' had just turned 3yrs old when he came. At 3yrs of age, we thought we could still 'mold' and form him with security and 'fight off' any issues that might remain. (He came into one foster home (his only home until us) at the age of less than 2weeks.) We were wrong. At three.....(as my college classes tried to tell me)....the child's personality is already there and going. Now, seven years later, we continue to deal with attachment issues and behaviors we've not had to deal with in the four baby adoptions. (And yes, we had attachment therapies and other therapies.) Just be very sure what you are getting into.....and do a lot of reading concerning the 'older child'. Even if that child is a toddler...... Best of luck to you..... Sincerely, Linny

hi there. congrats on the adoption of your son. you might want to check out Pact's website for info on transracial adoption, and other adoption issues: [url]http://pact.best.vwh.net/press/articles/[/url] I don't know if you've read the book by m. hopkins-best entitled "toddler adoption" but it deals with attachment issues. That might give you some info about what your son might go thru and what age might be best. I wish you luck! Lisa

Hello- just want to encourage you to follow your heart. We have adopted older children three times, (3-1/2 years and 7 years) and once at 20 mos. We have had very sucessfull adoptions. Our children bonded well with us and their 2 bio siblings. none of my children had attatchment issues. So it really depends on the individual child and the type of care they recieved before they were placed. I don't think it matters when a child joins your family,yes, you can't CHANGE PERSONALITY!but why would you want to? . I know that from having BIO kids as well. God gives us all unique personalities and traits that come as part of the package! good luck and God bless you for considering an older harder to place child.

Hi, everyone! Just in case you weren't aware, those of us who have been here awhile have read about Linny's experiences with RAD. If she hasn't written the book on family impact, she should. And I'm a big fan of following your heart. My only caution is do your research so you won't be blindsided by some very tough issues.

Thre are older adoptions that work really well, but I, like LInny, have had some bad things happen when bringing in children out of birth order. I am a pretty outspoken advocate for bringing in foster children younger then bio or adopted children. It's not a personality issue but a safety issue. Back to the original question, you would probably go through your state agency if you are interested in a toddler. We started that direction but after waiting for what we felt was too long, we shifted gears and went with domestic adoption. We were matched 7 weeks after signing and our daughter was born 7 weeks later. I do think adopting a toddler through the state system is admirable and you will likely go through classes to get an idea of what to expect. The state systems can take a long time though, one book I read when I firt started this process out said state was the longest route, I thought no way, not my small state, but yup, even my state. Good luck - Jo

Although I haven't adopted a toddler, my friend did from Bolivia. After years of struggling with Rad (reactive attachment disorder) they finally had to give her up to the state for the safety of their family. Not only did they have to deal with the loss of her,but the state had the gall to bring them up on charges of abandonement after the system failed to help them :eek: In fact the state kept blaming them even though the childs brother who was adopted at the same time as an infant was/is very attached. It was a long and painful road for them. Threats of death to the whole family, the death of pets, premiscuity(sp?), running away, stealing, self hurting are just part of what they dealt with. I have to echo the advice to read and read again everything you can about possible attachment issues.

I say read all you can about RAD and attachment parenting (what you should expect and how to parent and treat it), that way you go in with open eyes and you'll know what level of attachment difficulty you can accept with a toddler. That said, know that you COULD be matched with a child who has no significant attachment issues (something like 80% of kids in foster care will have attachment difficulties to some degree). Our three (whom were placed with us this summer) have attached quite nicely. We had a rough start with the middle one (who was used to being the baby in her foster home before joining up with her older and younger sisters in our home), and we can tell she still has a lot of hurt, anger, and sadness. (She cried and cried one day when I stepped outside to take the trash to the curb and was stopped for a few minutes by a neighbor who wanted to chat. When I came back in 3-4 minutes later, she was in tears and told me that she thought I had died! The girls were happily coloring and playing when I told them I was taking the garbage outside and would be right back in (the door was open, so they should have been able to see me, but she hadn't looked, she just panicked), so I was surprised at how quickly her calm turned to panic. The other two were still playing and didn't seem to notice my not being back. This long post is just to tell you that even though you might adopt a toddler, that child will still have memories, both positive and negative, and that you need to be prepared to work through the negative ones and assure and reassure your child. And be sure to have an attachment therapist lined up who's caseload is at least 50% foster or adopted children. (The one we had in mind is almost 4 hours away, but we were willing to drive there if our children had significant attachment issues. Thankfully they don't, but if they had, we would have driven there once a week if necessary!) Good luck and happy reading!

Hi Karenanne, I Responded To Your Post In A Private Message Since We Are No Longer Supposed To Put Up Public Posts Naming Specific Agencies. I Gave You The Name And Number Of The Agency That We Used. Best Of Luck To You.