married pregnant and still alone :(

My heart aches for you - at a time that you should be relaxing - and joyous that you are pregnant - instead your husband is behaving very badly and causing you pain. Many years ago, I faced a similar decision with an unplanned pregnancy. What I learned is that the loss of a husband pales in comparision to the loss of a child. I learned that lesson the hard way and relinquished a son to adoption - a decision that I will regret till the day I die. If you are in your late 20's - no matter what your husband may think - it is not too soon. Maybe it is for your husband - but, otherwise, you are at a good age to become a mother. Babies do not always automatically appear exactly when we plan them but, they are miraculous joys - and I think we need to cherish and love them if we are lucky enough to have the chance. I know some women who either aborted or chose adoption - and then when they were ready for babies - they instead suffered from secondary infertility. So, I truly believe if you are fortunate enough to be pregnant, you should consider that this may or may not be your only opportunity to become a mother. I am here if you want to email me privately and talk about your situation. I am a mother of three - two that I raised - who who was relinquished to a closed adoption many years ago - but has been back in my life for 4 years. I agree with the suggestions of others that you give your husband some time - but, do try to get him into counseling and be very cautious around him. In the meantime, perhaps to prepare a plan B is also a good idea - in case he does not change his mind. Just do not allow him to bully you into any decision that you might regret later. Stand tough - listen to your heart - and if you need a dose of courage - you know where to find it!

RM What a sad and lonely position you are in. Do you have your family around you - are you able to ask them for some emotional support? This is your baby (you and your husband's) but also your parents grandchild and your sisters/brothers niece/nephew - their support would be invaluable to you at this time....... Abortion is a solution for pregnancies that are detrimental to the mother, childs, and THEN families physical or emotional health. As you have posted, you are financially able to parent, you have a wish to parent, and this "problem" that your husband sees is already a living growing baby in the making. Can he honestly support aborting his precious son or daughter- the start of his own nuclear family? How does he feel about adoption? That is the other alternative and worthy of consideration. To me, it isn't as extreme or as brutal as what he is suggesting; not taking a life that has just begun. Only my thoughts......I'm not a staunch Pro Life Advocate. There is always a time when abortion is the answer, but not necessarily in your case. I can feel your desperation and hope that between the two of you, you can come to a harmonious decision. As a birthmom I can appreciate how hard it is for you but ultimately, as the mother, the decision is not your husbands - it is yours alone. I know that you love this man, but to me, he needs to stopof this controlling manner. MARRIAGE IS A PARTNERSHIP and the foundation of the family.....even if parenthood arrives at inappropriate times both parties feelings need to be heard. Noone knows what is around the corner. This could be the only child you conceive? There are no certainties....but in life we have choices and consequences. The choices we make usually determine the paths our life takes. And so many times wrong decisions come back to haunt us. Be very sure of your decisions and make them good ones. You will be in my thoughts. Ann

Ann, It is very brutal, and, in this case, it appears uneccissary and extreme. Placing a child for adoption should be the choice of last resort. This man is reluctant to parent. He doesn't feel ready. Many new parents feel that way. They does not mean adoption should be an option. This is a married couple with a good income and a fairly steady marriage. Suggesting adoption is really inappropriate.

We talked yesterday. My distress and despair at the very thought of losing our child disturbed my dh so much that he is now trying to adjust to this development. He is really trying very hard. Thanks all for encouraging me to talk with him. I guess after his initial shock and reactions i was too afraid to even to start the topic again. So I was also at fault. Yesterday he did so himself, and vent out lot of his frustration. But ultimately when he saw my distress, he started to atleast try and adjust.I know its sudden for him and not a very welcome change (even though it is sudden for me too.) . Please pray for us as we work our way through this tough part of our life.

Oh good, what bothered me most was that he seemed impervious to your distress. A man who loves his wife wouldn't want to see her so upset. I'm glad he's trying to come around. You'll see, once he gets used to the idea he'll start being happy.

Praqyers coming your way darlin'' we'll storm heaven for ya:)

rm2005 If my post offended I am very sorry. Believe that the opinion offered was from a birthmother from an age gone by who knows only too well the complex emotions involved in a surprise pregnancy. For me I had a choice between adoption and abortion - I considered both options and opted for adoption. I have a living breathing, wonderful 33yr old son in my life now who thanked me for my choice - You, or anyone else researching unwanted pregnancy needs to consider your options and look at all alternatives. I was very heartened to read that your husband is reconsidering his stance. You wrote.... ..and I certainly will - I hope you can both find both compassion for each other and understanding. Brenda I agree that suggesting adoption is brutal but disagree with you that When you are faced with a husband favoring termination, it is certainly an option that I, and many others did choose - life for our child and IMHO rm needs (or needed) to look at all alternatives to make the best decision possible. Respectfully Ann

Hi Rm,I am so happy, that your husband is becoming more receptive to this news. I am sure it's not the reaction you may have fantasized about (if you ever did, some people don't, I'm a fantasizer!) But he is coming around, and he sounds like so many good men that I know... With the initial reaction and then the acceptance that "well, maybe this ISN'T the end of the world!" Even when we decided to adopt, after years of trying IVF, my husband had a lot of reluctance at first, for financial reasons also. But we talked and talked (much like you and your husband are) and decided that we didn't know when the "right" time would be and decided that if this is what we feel so strongly about, then it must be the right time, otherwise, it just won't happen... So I'm glad for you that he is coming around and maybe realizing that sometimes the best things in life are surprises! Congratulations, Rm. I have been thinking of you and praying for you and will continue to do so.

This is just a thought - but, have you and your husband been around many babies and small children? I wonder if you haven't if it might be helpful - maybe to look at babies in a nursery or ??? Your feelings would not be the same as for your own child, but..... Our prayers and good thoughts will be coming your way. I hope that your situation continues to improve - we'll be rooting for you!

RM I am very heartened to read that your husband is "coming around". I hope you are feeling a whole lot better about this new life, and you can both move past this really difficult time. This baby will bring you close - it is the start of a whole new generation - and a couple will now become a family. Ann

I had my Doctor's appointment today at 9 1/2 weeks and since she thought I was further along, she also suggested ultrasound. My DH came with me for both Nurse's as well as doctor's appt. He's coming around slowly. We saw our baby for the first time :-))) baby was moving hands and feet and making so many movements (even though baby is so small. ) DH said "Wow!" :-)

YES! Rm, that's great news! Congratulations, and I'm so happy for you, dh, and your baby. Blessings to your FAMILY! :-)

yeah!!!!!!! It's a little harder to believe it's just a "lump of tissue" when you see it in reality on a screen. Hope his heart melts!

:clap: rm2005 Amazing and fantastic - it seems you are well on the way to motherhood. Congratulations. Wishing you and your family a blissful pregnancy. Ann

I am so happy for you and DH. Parenthood is a big adjustment. To help you and DH adjust to the big wonderful change in your lives, I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to someone who can help you to develop the skills to balance the demands of being parents and nurturing your relationship. The emotions of being parents can make us go whacko. A good counselor can help us to keep perspective. Adoption is an option but sounds like a backup plan for you. My guess is that as soon as DH holds your babe in his arms, he would drop kick anyone who suggests adoption. Good luck and keep us posted. Happy G'Ma