Why Should I Chose Open?

Originally Posted By ElisaAlthough some people feel perfectly comfortable with open adoption, and have found it to be rewarding for both sides, I think your questions are very important ones that too often counselors try to ignore. I think it's excessive to ask that on top of everything else, adoptive parents should include the child's bio-parents into their lives, without really knowing anything about them. My husband and I have decided to do an international adoption because of this. It's a little more expensive, but I think it will be well worth it in the long-run. Good luck in your decision, and don't let anyone pressure you into a situation that you're not completely comfortable with.

Originally Posted By to ElisaThank you! We are leaning to closed. After all, we have to be comfortable with the decison. We are going to raise this baby for the next 18 + years! Our agency knows that we wany closed or nothing else. Bets of luck on your adoption plan. What country are you to, if you don't mind me asking? Thanks!....Lizzy

Originally Posted By adoptee who has adoptedOpen and closed is a personal decision first by the birth parents, then by the adoptive. Granted that the adoptive parents can do what ever they feel is in best interest of child after finalization. I am an adoptee and can tell you I have the best parents ever. This did not stop the "wondering" esp during the teen years. I did search and do not have any relationship with the b mom...her decision and I respect that. Found my bros and have great relationships there. I am also an mother by adoption. Had closed and now open adoptions for my children 15, 5, 3. Opened by oldest when she was 13. She loves her b mom. We do have vacations together. She does visit,.....states apart. I am and will always be...MOM. It is not confusing. It is comforting and my dtr has Down Syndrome. She understands clearly the triangle and will tell you in a heart beat. It is right for us...but not for all......on both sides. Make the choice you are comfortable with......but know this may change. It did for me!

Originally Posted By Cheryl, MSI think the main problem with an open adoption is the fear the adoptive parents have that the bio parents will try to take the child back. I have adopted three children. Two I don't have that fear about because of their history. The other I fear every day that they will just pop up. I adopted him ten years ago. It was a legal adoption, everything above board, but, I still have that fear.

Originally Posted By No fear nowOur first daughter's adoption was semi-open. Once I ran into bmom (she never saw me) in the LEAST expected place. I panicked, grabbed DD, ran to the car and drove away and felt like I was kidnapping my own child!!! An Awful and scary feeling!!! We have since opened that adoption fully but have not had any more "chance" meetings.Second daughter's adoption started out fully open. Bmom and I don't live close enough to run into each other, but I've run into b-uncle several times at Wal-Mart. I LIKE that because I can "show" off my daughter. It's like running into my other close family/friends.So...I understand the fear. I had it too at one time. The openness had eliminated the fear in our case. Running into them in public is no problem and we know they won't "pop up" either, because they see the children often.

Originally Posted By ChrisI have read that most adoptees in open adoptions don't want to live with their bparents but still like to see them.They want to live with the Aparents because those are their real parents.

Originally Posted By to ChrisYou could not have said it any better! The aparents are the parents! Thank you!

Originally Posted By ChrisYes & I learned that term from the first day that I walked into my adoption agency.By the way I am a birth mother, the Aparents are the REAL parents. I gave up my right as PARENT when I sighned that paper but not the right to LOVE my bchild.I am in a semi-open triad with visitaion on neutral ground.

Originally Posted By Ocean BreezesThank you Chris, for knowing where yur place is!

Originally Posted By ChrisI still feel that my bchild needs to who he looks like & his biological legacy.He also needs to know that I love him.

Originally Posted By Tyler'sBmom8-31-2000(Shannon)Problems that you've heard bmoms can have mostly come from the days of closed adoptions when the bmom is left wondering how the child she gave birth to is doing. We birthparents are not evil, horrible, creatures waiting to 'steal back' the child we gave birth to. We're human. We have names, faces, voices, and real emotions. We take on a lifetime of suffering so our child can benefit. We fear that someday our child will hate us for doing what we felt was right for them at the time. We fear that our child may not be safe. And we fear that adoptive parents will instill fear and hatred of us into the child we relinquished. So this is very much a two sided deal. We don't forget and we don't stop loving no matter how much someone else wishes we would. Good luck in your journey through life.Hugs,Shannon