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I've been away from these forums for a while. Many of you know my story. I am a 39 YO adoptee who searched in 2005 only to have my bmom deny contact and then to find my bdad passed away in March of this past year. I had contacted his sister (my baunt) and we spoke by phone a couple times, but she was skeptical, and then her sister seems to have talked her out of contact all together. It's been a rough road, but things got much rougher outside of the whole search thing. My husband is an addict who has been clean for 7 years, until this summer........ I just found out a couple of months ago that he was using again (it explains a lot). He finally admitted he needed help (which he has never, never believed for the 17 1/2 years we have been together.......so this is HUGE!!!!!!). He went into a 6 day detox program the Weds before Xmas, and from there went into a 21 day residential treatment program where he is now. He comes home next week. The holidays were REALLY REALLY rough for me and our 14 YO son! Without going into a big long story, things have been bad! Emotionally, financially, and otherwise....... Now to get to my point of all this. I guess my point is that I always new my parents (aparents - but I don't like that term) were wonderful people and I was SOOOOOOO blessed to have the family I have........but now I REALLY know!!!!!!!!!! They have been there for me every minute of every hour of everyday. My sister is helping me financially. I went through a 13 day battle with our health insurance company who paid for the detox but where denying the residential treatment. The expense was $275/day for 21 days........With only 1 income right now, things are tight enough......That's all resolved now, and after pursuing this issue for 13 days, I finally got them to approve it. Last week I was so upset about this.......My mom, who does NOT have money.......told me not to worry about things. She said that although they did NOT have money, they do have access to money, and whether she had to take out a home equity loan, or otherwise,,,,, she and my dad would take care of it....... Can you believe this!!!!!!!!!!! I feel SOOOOOOOOOOO blessed. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO lucky to have my family, and I'm sorry it took something like this for me to truly truly realize it!!!!!!!!! I've always known they were great, like I said...........but somehow now I know it even more. I hope that no one is offended, or takes this to mean I think people should just be greatful for what they have, and not feel a need to search. AFter my experiences with my search in 2005, I felt as though I still had a whole in my soul..........I don't feel that way anymore............not now............I feel FULL!!!!!!!!!! WAY FULL!!!!!!!!!! And SOOOOO greatful that my family choose me!! AGain, please don't anyone feel offended. I am just "Sharing with Others from Experience" as is the title of this section. Thanks for listening everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Karen
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First...................My heart to you and your family. Recovery is a long and painful process............
The hole. You know some days I still feel it. However, I also totally understand what you are saying about the family who was always there. And for me, while I in many ways always knew it, I knew it so much more after my search. My family did plenty to betray me and many lies, BUT, out of love.
Plain and simple, it was all out of love.
On really bad days, I do have to remind myself of that!
No offense taken by me.
Hugs Karen!
Wendy
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Karen wrote "Can you believe this!!!!!!!!!!! I feel SOOOOOOOOOOO blessed. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO lucky to have my family, and I'm sorry it took something like this for me to truly truly realize it!!!!!!!!! I've always known they were great, like I said...........but somehow now I know it even more." I came to a similar epiphany recently. Yes, I've vented on this board about my afamily because there are years and years of "feelings" that I am still working out. The relationship I've had with my afamily has not been perfect by far. But, I do recognize that THEY are my family, and while we have our difficulties, I do truly love them. My amom is extremely annoying at times :), but you know what, she's still my mom. My adad IS my dad and I love him and look up to him as daughters do - even though the Alzheimer's is beginning to change him from the man I've always known. My birthfamily...well, I have a very close relationship with one sister, and we truly do feel like sisters. At least as much as two can who weren't raised together. I have another sister who I am in contact with almost daily by email, but we don't quite have the connection yet. Other than that, my bfamily, to me, is a group of people, who I barely know, who I have never lived with and have no lifetime memories with, who just happen to be the people that gave me my looks, my heritage, my mannerisms, and personality (some of it anyway) :). In being in contact with them, I am truly not "searching for a mom" or "searching for a dad", I know that can never be. I am merely searching for "me".....:) Raina
Karen,
Loads of hugs coming your way, I had been wondering why you've been "quiet". I'm another one who hates the label "adoptive" :grr: (same as I don't like the term "birth" ;) ) as your parents are quite simply that as they are the ones who have been there for you. If anybody is offended by your post I will be disappointed as it is beautifully written and you are being honest.
It is good that your family have been supportive and a comfort for you. It can't have been easy for you having to deal with how your husband has been or dealing with his treatment. I haven't been through the same as you so can only wildly imagine though my prayers are with you.
((((Karen))))
:grouphug:
Pip :flower:
Wow, Karen, what an amazing journey you've endured. I am so happy for you for your confirmed love of your family. Some people never get to that point, and I'm happy that you've gotten there. I know what you mean, that sometimes, we just don't know how lucky we are. I realized this once years ago, when DH was diagnosed with Leukemia... and how lucky I was to have him to love, and to love me. I still feel that way, and I think once you find that feeling, you hang onto it. Sometimes you have these other things that come up, and you lose sight of it, but it's really never gone. We've learned to really lean on each other in our life together. And I'm so happy that you are able to lean on your family in the same way. I wish your husband all the luck in the world in his recovery. As you said, admission of a problem, is a huge deal. Often, that's the biggest step. I hope he's home soon, and that you will both be able to deal with the bumpy road to recovery gracefully, together, and with the love and support of family.
You guys are the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!My husband comes home on Wednesday. I've got such mixed feelings about that. I miss him like crazy. He was gone for 6 days to detox, home for less than 24 hours, and then into residential for 21 days (we only see him/talk to him once a week - Hour and 1/2 drive one way)But..........these past few weeks have been rough, but I haven't had to worry about him......in some ways, it might be tougher when he gets home than it is now........I have a counseling session set up for myself tomorrow. I told them I wanted to see someone before he came home.......... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
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