Advertisements
Viewing Single Post
Of the seven children we have adopted, three have been 'older child adoptions through the state system'. When each was placed, one child was seven, one child was six and one child had just turned three years old. We had the first one for four years before he was admitted into a residential facility and will forever be in an institutional setting due to his dangerous and unpredictable behaviors. The second one was here for seven years, before shocking us all and having to be placed out of our home. He now is also in residential because his behaviors are far too harmful and dangerous to be within a traditional home. The final 'older child' continues to live with us, and has attachment issues that we feel will always be present. This was the youngest child of all when being placed with us. Obviously then, our experiences with older adopted children have NOT been good ones. However, in defense of older child adoption, I know there HAVE to be some good and successful ones.... But, having taught behavioral disordered children, and through our own heartwrenching years and horrific events, we have gleened a lot of knowledge and experiences. Because of our experiences, I have complied my own list of questions I think are important for any couple to ask if considering the placement of an older child. I have been told that these quesitons have been very helpful. I hope they help you in some way: THE LIST Questions for parents considering the placement of a special needs child. 1. # of placements child has had; how long they lasted, why they disrupted. (Usually folks are uneasy to disclose the 'why'....but I'd really try to find out!) 2. Permission (and I've done this w/o permission too) to contact past foster parents. (This info can prove to be INVALUABLE...and most foster parents will gladly provide info as to the 'why') 3. "Why" didn't past foster parents adopt this child? 4. At what age was the child 'removed from the home'..what type of pre-natal care (especially drug use, etc), what's the situation with any sibs (adoption, prenatal drug use, residential care, etc.?) 5. What kind of medication is the child on NOW....and what types has the child been on previously? (Also, what types of diagnoses has this child been given in the past, by what type of professional (psychiatrist,psychologist, or your 'mental health counselor' who suspects something?) 6. What prompted termination? Did either parent voluntarily surrender and 'why'? Try to get the psychologicals on the birthparents. (In some places, this is a 'no-no'...but we've been given these before w/o asking. Many psychological traits have a genetic pre-disposition.) 7. Where are the biologicals now? Are there relatives in the area near you, and any chance they'll be a problem? 8. What kinds of hospitalization (especially ER) has this child had? tests, etc. If so, you'd like the paperwork! 9. What's this child been told about adoption? Does this child lament for his/her biologicals? 10. What type of relationship did this child have with birthparents? ie, was this child forced into being the 'parent' because parents were unable to be just that? Did this child have to take care of younger, older sibs? 11. How does this child perceive him/herself? Is she self-centered? Does she share well? (And I don't care how old the child is....this may still be a problem.) 12. Has or has this child EVER had a diagnoses of RAD (reactive attachment disorder)...or ANY type of attachment disorder? How has 'the system' helped this child deal with this? (Holdings, play therapy, etc.) 13. How long has this child been in therapy, and what types have been used? 14. Does this child act out sexually? If not now, EVER? And IF ever, how and how long since the last time? And...one of the most IMPORTANT questions we think you should ask YOURSELF: "If this child were to get NO better after being in our home, could we handle his/her behaviors 'just as they are, NOW'......as if there would be NO improvement, etc. I think this is important, as classes continually say that 'this child just needs some love and attention and permanancy, and you'll see how much improvement this child will make!!!" This DOESN'T ALWAYS happen, and is a point to consider when taking on special needs children.
Like
Share