My wife is about to enter reunion

I think the thing evolves on its own.. There are things I can not tell my bson.. things I have blocked out.. Things that still upset me.. I tried to tell him but it will not come.. He backs off and I back off.. There are things he will not tell me. Places I do not go in his life.. Right now we are at a stand off.. we are over five years into this reunion and we are at a stand off.. He wants.. I believe.. me to call St Vincent De Pauls in Miami and find out the name of the man I named as his father.. I do not want to do this.. I have too much on my plate these days in my real time life.. There are times when I am on a short fuse and I know it.. I have gone into some heavy changes in my life.. I think he is willing to wait.. but then he has no choice.. I can not be the perfect person in this reunion. I messed up far too much in the past.. I was traumatized far too many times.. I remember the first time we spoke on the phone and he asked me if I held him when he was born.. I had to say.. no.. I did not even see you when you were born.. A conversation killer of mammoth proportions.. All this is tough.. and I believe that we all need to be solid in self in order to navigate these waters.. I am and he is.. That is why I wrote to your husband that you did not need your family messing with your head at this very important time.. An even keel.. an ability to stand back and take a breath and see what is really going down.. is important.. My bson had email and I wrote many an email when we first connected and he never replied.. or hardly ever.. His way.. And its interesting.. I read here..another reunited (male) adoptee writing about how he feels an email is more intimate than a phone call.. Maybe that is how my bson feels.. But we had to adjust.. Or we had to find a balance.. or.. we had to accept that there was not going to be a lot of communication.. because I personally can not handle the phone. My husband and my son and daughter really helped me.. My grown up third born son told me things I needed to know about men like him.. Jackie

Hi Jackie. I'm entering into this like virtually every other person who has gone before me - clueless! Winging it... but that's okay. My personality does well under pressure, I won't break. I have all the time in the world from here on out, no need to rush things... I want to take time to try and get to know him...the different facets of him...the different degrees he functions at...the things I can take for granted where my other two are concerned... I know them like the back of my hand...If he has any 'issues', he's keeping them to himself at the moment... I told him in my letter that I was brutally honest, and I could handle the same in return... He was not searching...he openly admitted that. He said he didn't know when - or if - he would've searched. He hadn't given it much thought prior to my contact. But in our last conversation, he said something that struck a chord with me...He told me that since our first phone call, the one where he learned the awful truth of his conception (he didn't say it like that), he had a new appreciation for me and what I went through...he felt like there was a reason we were both spared...and that he's thankful my instincts told me that if I 'fessed up', he would've been aborted... Said it made him want to know me more after that revelation... gave him a new perspective to look from.I hope he's open and forthcoming with conversation with me... I know he's read his letter and looked at the pictures by now... how I wish I knew how/if that affected him...if it was good or bad or indifferent... I am patiently waiting for him to return the courtesy! You all, of course, will be among the FIRST to know when I receive a picture of my handsome son!Ciao, Tammi

This is the hard part, Tammi, waiting for that response. It will come, I know it will. He's probably busy right now preparing his own package to send to you and processing, processing all that you sent. By your own admission, you sent him a filled envelope. This is major for him, believe me, even if he might never say so. My son hasn't ever expressed how he felt at any stage in the development of our relationship but his actions have spoken for him. It will be awesome for you once you finally gaze at your first born son's picture, but for him, it has to be many more times than one simple awesome. Think of it this way: He is 25 years old and he has never seen the face of another related to him by birth. You, on the other hand have always lived with birth relatives around you....for better or worse! It has to be very momentous for him. I'm waiting right along with all the rest here for you to receive your pictures. They WILL come, just can't say when. I had to wait TWO MONTHS from the time I mailed mine away to get some back. Here's hoping Jason is speedier than that! :cool: :) Audrey.

Hi Everybody. I want to thank you all for your continued support of my wife. She really values all of you. We have regular conversations - over coffee, usually - and she keeps me updated on most of you. I like hearing of your successes...the sadness is overwhelming at times. I guess that's why you all refer to this as a roller coaster ride! For those of us peeking in, we can see where the name came from! Very fitting. Been pretty quiet around here lately. My wife mailed off her package to her son last weekend. Now she waits to see if he will send her something back. She is so anxious to see his picture. I can feel her tension sometimes. It pulses through the house. She's a wringer of hands...and a pacer of floors...and a CLEANER!!! Oh my gosh! This woman cleans like there's no tomorrow when she's upset or has her mind elsewhere. I can always tell when something's REALLY bothering her : our house will be spotless by the days end. She scrubs things she's already cleaned if she runs out of something to do. Anything to occupy her mind. I know she comes here alot. She gets alot of comfort from this forum. "Kindred Spirits" is what she's found here. That and acceptance. I love how all of you GET IT! No matter where you are in the adoption world, each one of you has the insight that only comes from being in the adoption circle. Other people don't understand, but all of you do. I have learned so much from coming here, reading your stories and corresponding with you. You are a great group of people! Thanks for extending your wisdom and friendship to us. We are ready to get going on this adventure! Check in again when I can, StepDad

StepDad, Tammi's not alone there are plenty of compulsive cleaners amongst us. Me... I either clean, write or get obsessed with these forums...got so bad at one point that I to force myself not to come the pc for days. I wasn't sleeping or eating which wasn't healthy either. We are all "here" for her reaching out through cyber space. Pip :wings:

Dear StepDad.What do you mean, COMPULSIVE????????????? Don't you LIKE being able to eat off the kitchen floor??? Don't you LIKE someone who follows you around with a dustbuster??? What's wrong with you???? Hahaha! Hi, honey!!! Hehe...Okay...maybe a touch of compulsion, but I CAN STOP ANY TIME!!! I SWEAR!!! Hey Pip!!! I'm "HERE" for you, too!!! I like all your new graphics! I have a cat named Boo-boo, as well! (Okay, that wasn't MY choice for the name, but the daughter won out!) I'm glad to see your posting some more! Love ya! Hugs, Tammi

From another thread.. Tammi wrote.. "My F2F is this coming SATURDAY...one week from today! I am so nervous... and excited... and scared poopless... and wondering if I'll be a dissappointment or a crazy new addition... whew! wore myself out there for a minute!" You are going to meet him at last.. wow.. I wanted to write how wonderful here.. Jackie :loveyou:

Totally awesome Tammi, Just be yourself and, don't forget to breath. Biggggg HuggggsMary-Ann

Tammi, Excellent! Enjoy yourself, I was so nervous I was sick to my stomach when my son called the hotel room and said he was downstairs. Be yourself, relax and like Mary-Ann says - breathe!

I remember being sick.. my stomach in a knot.. We had to drive and drive to his place and then find a ferry.. hubby called them on the cell phone.. What a time.. it was.. Jackie

I remember the rain......it was a three hour drive to meet with him. And it rained BUCKETS ! It never let up. That was three years ago....and to this day, when it rains hard, I think of that day. Much else about the day is a blur....but I do know I was the most scared of any time in my life....so Tammi, and any others waiting for this precious moment, know you are not alone, and others DO know how you are feeling right now .:grouphug: You may think you will not survive it, but you will.....you will. Just BREATHE....and know we are here.

Hey janiej... Rain sucks.. Jackie

Yeah...it does. But for me, there WAS a "rainbow" at the end.

Soooo happy for you. You'll have to keep us posted!

I am going to keep a lookout for Tammi.. We could add another hundred posts to this thread and really shock her.. Tammi where are you? Jackie