disruption of internationally adopted child

I was curious as to what finally happened to this child and how the family is doing now. Care to post an update?

Rykyki- Part of the increase in the number of disruptions is simply the increase in the number of adoptions. It is unrealistic to think that no disruptions will occur, when Americans adopt over 20,000 children a year from overseas, and when probably an equal or greater number are adopted domestically. But there are certainly things that can be done to reduce the likelihood of a disruption. Here are a few related to international adoption: 1. Placement agency needs to be sure it works only with the most reputable, well-trained in-country contractors/facilitators to identify babies and match them with families. It should not pay these overseas people on a per-baby basis, as that encourages the overseas people to misrepresent the health status of the children in order to get more placed. And it should make sure that the contractor or facilitator knows the "hot button" issues for American families -- things like fetal alcohol syndrome, attachment disorder, etc. -- and can identify a child who may be at risk, even if the orphanage doesn't include such a diagnosis in its records. 2. Placement agency should convey to the adoptive families every scrap of information it can obtain on a referred child. Depending on the rules of the foreign country, in terms of how much it can work with the orphanages, it should try to obtain the best and most reliable information on the child's health, development, birthparents, reason for the child's placement for adoption, etc. No information should be held back because it could "scare" the adoptive family. Placement agency should also belong to advocacy organizations like JCICS, which can help to educate foreign governments about the types of information that should be made available on each adoptable child. There is a distinct advantage in having agencies work together on such issues. 3. Placement agency should consider not working at all in countries where families are not allowed to see referrals before travel. Too many families are required to travel "blind" and then "pick" a child while overseas. This leads to situations in which a family who was prepared for an infant gets told that only older children are available, and accepts the older child -- with all the issues of older child adoption -- rather than go home without a child. It also leads to situations where the family sees an absolutely gorgeous, sociable child and does not recognize that the physical features and outgoing nature are hallmarks of FAS. Families should be able to see a referral while at home, review it with expert physicians, check out their community's resources for dealing with possible problems, etc. 4. Homestudy agency must NOT cave in to families who want "cheaper and quicker" homestudies, by moving towards what I have heard social workers call "drive-by homestudies." A homestudy should be a thorough process of parent preparation; while parents shouldn't be gouged financially, the fees should reflect the fact that the social worker needs to put in several hours of document review, counseling sessions, home inspections, and writeups. Telephone chats shouldn't count as an interview. At least three face-to-face counseling sessions, on separate days, should be required. Preadoption classes should probably be required for any international adoption by a person who has no other internationally adopted children. Families should be give LOTS of information about issues such as transracial parenting, developmental issues, attachment issues, and so on. Families should be helped to find ethical placement agencies with good track records in their countries of choice. Social workers need to educate themselves about the various agencies that are out there, and their programs, so that they can give appropriate recommendations and advice. 5. Homestudy agencies should also not be afraid to reject a family. I know that social workers are taught to recognize that many different types of family can be suitable for a child, and not to be judgmental about a family that is not like the social worker's own. I know that social workers are also taught to focus on making adoptions successful, rather than turning down families. These things can be very positive in many ways, but they can also make the social worker afraid to say, "No, that family is NOT well prepared to parent." And when you combine that with the legitimate fear that the agency will be sued if it rejects a family, you can see why some inappropriate families get accepted. I have seen people accepted despite such severe psychiatric issues that they committed suicide soon after they adopted. I have seen people accepted despite alcoholism that was not well controlled. I have seen people accepted with so many personal issues -- overly tight finances, physical health problems, etc. -- that a child with minor problems was enough to tip them over the edge into disruption. And I think we have all read of families that were approved when there HAD to have been indications that they were likely to become abusers. I truly believe that if a social worker uses his/her best clinical judgment in assessing a family, comes to the conclusion that the family cannot meet the needs of an internationally adopted child, documents the facts and observations that led to that conclusion, and so on, the agency should be willing to take the risk of a lawsuit. Yes, it may mean that a child will wait longer for a set of parents, but that may be better than having a disruption. 6. Homestudy AND placement agencies should do a lot more to help and support families after their adoptions. Mandatory post-placement visits are just the tip of the iceberg. Families need information on the various paperwork that needs to be done after adoption -- Social Security, readoption, citizenship, etc. Families need access to information about good sources of diagnosis and treatment for problems ranging from developmental delays to sleep issues to attachment disorders -- preferably sources near to where they live and oriented to adoptive families. Families also need support groups of other adoptive families facing similar challenges. When a family is in crisis, the homestudy or placement agency shouldn't just "wash its hands" of the family. It should make every effort to prevent disruption, first off, by getting the parent linked up with appropriate counseling services. I'd also like to see more agencies develop a respite care program -- short term foster care for a child while the parents in crisis take some time to rest/decompress, get counseling, and explore options. I really believe that such programs would reduce actual disruptions. It would also be helpful if agencies -- possibly working through one of the large advocacy organizations -- could develop a grant program to be used in cases where a child winds up needing long-term residential care because he/she has such severe issues (history of sexual/physical abuse, reactive attachment disorder) that he/she is a threat to himself/herself and others. Some parents wind up disrupting adoptions because they discover the enormous cost of residential treatment, not covered by insurance, and learn that the only way they can get their child into such a program is to disrupt the adoption and put the child into the state foster care system. Wouldn't it be great if a group of agencies, working together, could persuade a major foundation to provide grants so that families wouldn't have to disrupt in order to get their severely disturbed children help? Is this "pie in the sky"? Maybe. But I would hope that, long term, something could be done. And if a family really reaches a point where disruption is inevitable, I'd like to see the homestudy and placement agency play a much more significant role in helping to rehome the child. Most agencies have waiting lists of families who want healthy infants. What they also need is a list of families who are willing to adopt the children of disruption, many (though not all) of whom will be older and will have emotional and behavioral challenges. Agencies may well want to recruit and train potential replacement families, even before a need arises. They should, at the very least, come up with some strategies for recruiting replacement families who can deal with the "less than perfect" child. I hope you understand that I'm not "dumping on" agencies. You asked for my recommendations for agencies. I believe, however, that disruption is not "caused" just by bad agency practices. Families sometimes go into adoption with unrealistic beliefs, and sometimes don't listen well, no matter how many social worker visits the homestudy requires or how long a preadoption class they take. Some manage to "con" their agencies into thinking they are good candidates. Some simply do not do their homework; even the best homestudy is no substitute for a prospective parent's self-education. Foreign facilitators sometimes play a role in creating the circumstances that lead to disruption, by misrepresenting children to agencies and prospective parents. Agencies need to work with the U.S. State Department and other entities to persuade foreign governments to police their adoption systems, so that people who steal babies, coerce birthparents, solicit bribes, and so on are put out of action, and so that a transparent system is created. Foreign countries, of course, need to work on the social ills that cause children to be placed in care, and to develop orphanages and foster care programs that treat children in humane ways. When a child who may have been abused or neglected in his/her birth family comes into care in a setting where emotional, physical, and sexual abuse is common, he/she is likely to develop severe emotional problems that will make it hard for an adoptive family to raise him/her. Again, agencies can work with our government, with adoption advocacy organizations, and with child welfare charities to help foreign orphanages become better at what they do. Agencies should not just be in the "adoption" business; they must be in the child welfare business. Our own government could do a little more in terms of helping adoptive families. As I mentioned above, there's something wrong when a family must disrupt an adoption in order to get a child into residential care for severe emotional/behavioral problems caused by abuse, neglect, etc. in his/her birth family or orphanage. I'd also like to see family leave policies strengthened, so that adoptive parents can do more than take unpaid leave when they first come home with their child. Families who adopt need time to build their child's attachment and create the schedules and structures that make for smooth sailing, and they shouldn't be forced to rush back to work prematurely, or else sacrifice wages. A fatigued parent worried about lost income could well become so stressed, especially if confronted with a very challenging child, that disruption becomes a possibility. I support the U.S. ratification of the Hague Convention on international adoption, at least in principle. I believe that both the Convention itself, and the Intercountry Adoption Act of 2000, which is designed to guide the implementation of the Convention in the U.S., CAN do a lot to prevent the sorts of problems that can lead to disruption. Of course, a lot depends on how well the Convention is actually implemented. In the worst case, implementation could increase the paperwork, timing, and cost of international adoption, without significantly improving conditions for children, birthparents, and adoptive families. But I really believe that agencies and families have made their expectations clear to the State Department, which will become the Central Authority under the Hague, and that the State Department has tried to be responsive. I also believe that agencies and families will continue to provide input, as the Hague is implemented and fine-tuned. Although there may be some early glitches, I am hopeful that it will help, at least to some degree, to create better prepared parents, better performing agencies, and so on. Sharon

Family FriendWe did send him to the other family. It was really hard but it was best for everyone including him. He's been gone a little over 2 months. They aren't sure their going to adopt him yet, but he's doing really great there and the family he's with is wonderful. It was the best decision we could've made. Our daughter has returned to her happy self and it's so wonderful to see.To everyone else that offered support:THANK YOU!

cynthia- I am glad to hear things are improving for everyone. Diane

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]That is great news for all involved...[/FONT]

I wish I saw your post back when you first made it. I know of an agency that specializes in placing children from disrupted international adoptions (at no charge to either family). Adoptive families do need a homestudy & lawyer to do the ICPC. If anyone stumbles on this post in the future and wants the name of the agency, please let me know in a PM.

Could you tell me the name of the agency that specializes in placing children from disrupted international adoptions.

Thank you

click on her name and click send a private message to ensure she knows you are in need of her help as this is a old thread she may not see that you need help

I have taken the liberty of pm-ing you about an agency that deals with 're-adoption' of 'disrupted' adoptions that were conducted as international adoptions. (What a sentence, huh?) Anyway.......I believe what Kat-L posted is the same agency. Sincerely, Linny

Can you send information to me too? Thanks

I sent you a PM

Wow, after struggling for 6 years, I see your note. We would like to dissolve an adoption, do you have the name of someone that can help us?

Oh my! don't be angry with yourself because you were not educated! I have a masters degree in Learning Behaviors and specialize in educating behavior disordered teens and I was not prepared for what happened to us! No amount of education in the world can take the place of what you experience personally...and isn't it funny how everyone tells you not to take all of the events "personally"? Don't beat yourself up. I have to wonder if the "wrong" placement of the child is what makes many of the kids "go off the deep end" so to speak. If this is the case....then those responsible for placing the children in our homes are the ones that need the education. hang in there, diane

Linny, is this the dissolution forum you spoke of in our pm? di

Yes it is. As you can see, none of us are alone on this subject. We've all come to this bridge that's seldom talked about; but often happens in the adoption world. And...it happens to good parents who tried to do their best---and did, with all of their heart; but it just wasn't enough. Sincerely, Linny