Unplanned pregnancy, can't deal with this!

I already have stretch marks. I got married and it was an experience I never want to repeat. I have a 1 and 2 year old from that. They exhaust me and I'm struggling with them since I am trying to start over. That is why I just can not handle another. If I felt I could, then I would. If birthmother housing should be a last option I will try to find something else. I am looking for a job currently and hope to get my own place. But now I'm obsessing over this pregnancy situation it's like I can't concentrate on anything else.

Anati, my heart goes out to you, especially in light of your divorce and the two children. My DH, Andreas, told me the other day when I was agonizing about our adoption...We weren't put here on this earth to have a good time. We were put here to learn and build character. You cannot build character through only positive experiences. Through the difficult times, how you rise to the occasion and what you learn from those difficulties is the true measure of character.It stopped me in my tracks (well, I was in the shower, crying, at the time, so it stopped me shampooing my hair, basically).He is so wise, and he is so right. All these things that are weighing heavily on you will be lessons learned but also, will help you become a stronger woman by making it through the experience.I say, let your parents know that you are again expecting, and it was not planned. See if they rise to the occasion to help you. I am sure they will. Then your housing problem won't seem so big anymore.Jenna gave you really succinct advice about your pregnancy. You have to acknowledge its existence, sweetie. I know you want to stick your head in the sand like an ostrich or put your head under your wingfeathers like a bird but every passing day, your baby is growing inside you.You have proven what a strong woman you are just by the two children you now have, and the marriage that you disentangled yourself from.I know you are struggling. We all have big struggles... you can make it through this!!!!Huge Hugs of support,

Thanks for all the advice. I wish I could stop thinking about all this for 5 minutes. During my last preg I swore up and down it would never happen again. Before I even found out I was preg I already had plans on getting a job, looking for part time classes and saving up for getting my own place asap. This was supposed to be a temporary situation. Where I live there is no such thing as rent assistance. There is welfare, medicaid, food stamps, and child care assistance which may or may not have a waiting list. There are also public housing units where rent is based on income and the waiting list varies. It's true, I just hope the whole thing will magically go away. I know it won't but can't stop from thinking if I ignore it maybe it will go away. I'm afraid my parents might die of a heart attack when they find out, well they will definitely be shocked anyway. The father and I are not speaking and I have no idea what his reaction will be. I know he won't be happy about the pregnancy but I can't imagine what he'd say about adoption. Im not due till June so that leaves enough time for decisions.

Hmm, rent assistance is offered through welfare. If it wasn't available before, it might be now. It's something you have to qualify for, like cash assistance and food stamps. Ask about it.Time is good. :) Give yourself that time. In the mean time, don't be so hard on yourself. You are human, like everyone else.

PS: Did some research for you. Kentucky DOES have rent assistance: [url=http://www.kyhousing.org/nav.asp?id=244]Rental Assistance Opportunities[/url]Go apply. :)

First off... ((HUG)).Secondly, I'm going to second (third?) the advice of talking to your parents. Like Jenna said, you deserve a support group. I remember thinking my parents would keel over or go supernova or something. They didn't when I finally did. (Well I did make sure to tell them to be sitting down first.) I really tied myself up in knots about telling them, and didn't actually tell them until after my birthdaughter was born. I know if I'd talked them earlier I could have saved my self some stress in what was an already stressful situation.My heart really goes out to you about your problems with the father. That's another reason that I encourage you to talk to your parents and work on finding a support group that makes you comfortable.I also encourage you to find some time to relax somehow, a warm bath maybe? I know that I got really hysterical right after I found out and I couldn't think ... but when I calmed down and focused somewhere else for a bit things didn't seem as bad. I know that may sound like some advice that's easier said than done.Time is good and you have some. Breathe.Best Wishes to you! And more Hugs!

Anati my heart goes out to you. Alot of us have been in your exact position and I can tell you it does get better, people will find out and deal with it, you can and will achieve your goals whether you decide to parent or not, and you will get through this. Please take the time to let the idea of your new baby settle in then decide where you want to go from there. I know the desperation you are feeling right now but it pales in comparison with the desperation you could feel if you make the wrong choice. You only know what is right for you and you still have time to decide. There is help for you whether you decide to parent or place, both are possible, doable, and yours and your decision only. Jenna gave you some great resources to address your current concerns with housing, money, etc. Get out there and get all the help you can get to get on your own and do what you need to do to get through this pregnancy and new chapter in your life. Please do not hesitate to ask questions, ask for help, or just come to vent. We've been there.

I agree talking with your parents MAY be a good idea, and they may be a lot more supportive than you ever realized they would be. Just so you know, I did not tell my family about my last pregnancy. I meant to......I kept meaning to.......kept meaning to, but the circumstances surrounding my pregnancy were not great and I just essentially didn't want to worry my parents (they worry about me a lot). Believe it or not.......I saw my family almost every single week, and they just never noticed (toward the end I think I started avoiding them). I really wish, with the circumstances that I am NOW faced with, that I had just told them. They have been my biggest supporters lately, and they know every single last sordid detail. So of course they would have been supportive if I had told them during the pregnancy (after an initial bout of shock, which was bound to happen WHENEVER they found out). I just want to tell you about a really good friend of mine that I met a few months ago. I will leave out most of her identifying info for her privacy (I did not meet her here, I know she doesn't even come here, but you never know). She was in EXACTLY the same position you are in. Single mother of two, with a third on the way. Trying to go to school, trying to work, trying to find a bigger place to live (they were living in a one-bdrm, and she HAD to move when her third was born). All of this, at the tender age of 21. She expressed sooooooo many of the same sentiments you do......it is SUCH a big struggle, it really is. She then moved into a set of PAP's home. She decided they weren't right for her so she moved into a maternity home, where she matched with a couple who was going to adopt her child. Then she had her baby, and despite all of her fears, being SO certain she could not do this "again", she just fell head-over-heels in love. She is doing it. I am so impressed by her, happy for her, happy for her baby. She is so young. There is nothing shameful about asking for help for a WHILE (I mean if you can find some sort of housing subsidy)-as far as I can see it, when you are back on your feet, you will be "giving back" with your taxes, and other people will have an opportunity to get the help you received temporarily, the way it was set up to be. I know a lot of people beg to differ and feel like "if you can't afford the housing and can't afford the child, you shouldn't be raising it" (that was not a sentiment expressed on THIS board, that I have seen so far).........but it is a sentiment I really disagree with. I think children should be with their mothers IF THEY CAN. I think you should also consider starting by telling the dad. He may also react differently than you might imagine. Also consider the possibility that if you DID decide to go through with adoption, his rights would need to be addressed too, and it is fair that he at least knows he (potentially) has offspring on the way. Like you said, you have had a miscarriage in the past, so it's not like you have to tell him right this second. Just remember that children are blameless......it is not their fault, and pregnancy and having a child is ABSOLUTELY NOT something to be ashamed of. I know these years of having 3 under 3 will be hard if you decided to keep your child-heck, I HONESTLY never thought I would make it out of the 2yr-old/brand new infant stage, and I only had two. That was a really, really difficult time for me, and I am not denying that it will not be easy for you for a couple of years. But the upside to that, is that when they are a little bit older (4,5,6and up), they will be three little peas in a pod and one another's best companions (they'll start learning some independence from each other, too, like pouring their own milk in their cereal ;) ). It really does start getting easier as they get older. Maybe one thing, I just really hope (if you decide you must go with adoption) you will allow yourself......when your little one is born, allow yourself to feel the feelings you feel, and all the love for him/her. Don't rush your baby away, spend some time with him/her, and really think about it. There is no reason that you have to hand your child off to someone else the very second he/she is born. This is just my 2c, and you can take it or leave it, it is not my place to tell other women what to do.Either way I am thinking about you, you are not in an easy situation. Feel free to PM me anytime if you need to talk.

I can not imagine what the father will say. That is not something I'm looking forward to. Adoption couldn't happen anyway if he didn't agree to it because he would have to sign his rights away. He will be upset for sure when he finds out but what he would say about adoption is anyones guess. He may not agree to it but I know he could not raise a child himself. That is just the big unknown now.

{{{{{Anati}}}}} Hang in there. I'm not saying everything is going to turn into a fairy-tale ending. But don't give up hope. I hope I'm not innundating you with too many "stories", but my friend who recently had her son, the dad was just this real jerk before she got pregnant. Everyone begged her to stay away from him. I was extremely skeptical when she told me they would be raising their child together, and worried. I can't believe it. The guy has done a full 360 in the last year. He got a steady job, he doesn't go out anymore, he just can't wait to get home to see his little guy and his brand new wife. People CAN change, a lot of guys just melt when it's their own little one in their arms. Either way, I don't mean to give you unwanted advice. I know this time is really difficult for you. Try to relax though......stress is so bad for the baby. Maybe make a list of all the positives in your life right now. Remember that God (or whatever higher power you believe in) loves you, that you won't be given any more than you can handle. "To whom much is given, much will be required". I do feel for you. But right now, while you're able, before you start having to answer other people's questions, just relax. Try to be at peace with yourself. Remember you are a strong woman with a lot to give whichever way this works out. And keep venting, we are here for you.

Just another vent. The more I think about it the more I think the father won't agree to adoption but then again he could suprise me. He can be unpredictable. But there is no way he can raise a child himself. So basically he can not consent to adoption, but refuse to raise it himself, therefore forcing me to raise it when I think it would be better off being raised by an adoptive couple. So can't do anything until I know for sure what his intentions are. On one hand since it's early on I'm not in a hurry to let him know on the other hand I want him to know now so I can know what my options are now.

Its true you cannot do anything until you find out what the birth father also agrees to. Letting him know earlier though can help your decision making...however like in our case the birth father wavered back and forth and is still doing that. I am not sure what state you are from but there are different laws as to when the birth father can sign off his rights...You would probably be better off knowing now what your options are and being prepared ahead of time as to what you need to do.

Honey tell him now but don't assume you know what his response will be. Right now you are kind of jumping to conclusions as to how he will react.Tell him and then let it sink in and see what his response will be after at least a week or so...You have so much time to work out what you and he are going to do.Good luck!

Anati, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this alone. As all the others have said there are many resources out there you just need to find them in your area. What about the father's family? How do you think they will react to this? Will they want to raise the baby or help him? I hope this finds you and your family well. Blessings,Scrapy

First of all, I would like to say hello. I understand the situation you now find yourself in and would like to help you in any way that I can. You can apply for Section 8 in your state and I did some checking and they are accepting applications right now for a limited time. The website is; [url=http://www.section8programs.com]Section 8 Application - Apply Section 8 Housing - Section 8 Consolidation Program Application[/url]. Go to that site and click on the Louiisville, Ky link and you can apply online. I hope this helps in some way. We're all here to help eachother, if only all we can do is just listen....God Bless and good luck.