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So I have seen a lot of threads where FP's are upset about kinship not taking placements til after the case has gone on for awhile. The common theme seemed to be anger and/or disbelief that the kin would know all about the children but not step up when they first were taken into care. Until recently I agreed with the sentiments expressed. That all changed when a good friend of mine contacted me to tell me that her cousins had been taken into care. Even worse the case had made front page news and her and her father kept getting asked the most awful and awkward questions by those who put their last names and the last name of the offending parents together. Then on top of that everyone in her family was expecting her (a single mom in her not quite in her mid 20's) to handle the situation. The children were taken into care early on a Saturday morning. It was not the parents first time having their children removed and in fact my friend and her family had actually taken care of them during the last removal when there were fewer children involved. So my friends father was contacted late Saturday night by the offending father. My friends father is currently separated from his wife and his youngest is in high school. He has a full-time job and does work on the side. He wasn't in any position to take the children on a moments notice and he told the father that. When my friend found out the following day what had happened she immediately contacted me and asked me what to do besides calling CPS as she already had. I told her to keep calling and since I had read the news story I told her we would take the ones younger then Little M even though we were on hold. She kept saying she wanted to keep the children with family or as close as possible. Since we live close by I e-mailed and called our licensing worker and told her we were wanting to make an exception to our hold on placements for the children involved in this case. I also asked her what my friend could do to get someone to call her back. At this point it has been three days since the children were first taken into care the youngest was due to be released from the hospital that day. It was another two days and my friend telling the supervisor she would come down to the office in person if that was what it would take before she could get anyone to even talk to her. My friend had family members calling left and right telling her to "make sure so and so didn't get the children because they aren't stable either" and "I'll take the youngest!" Yet it took 5 days before she was able to get anywhere with the CW and even that was to get paperwork to fill out before they would tell her anything about the children or consider any kinship placements or letting my friend and her family do visits with the children. As of right now all of the children are still with unrelated fp's. My friend and her long term significant other had just got an accepted offer on bigger house when all this happened. Until they move (they just closed last week) there was no way they would have been approved for the older children. There weren't enough bedrooms in their apartment at the time. The other family members who were so thrilled to be able to take the younger children in were at the last minute suddenly veto'd by the biological parents. This was after they had purchased everything and made arrangements. My friends father who after talking it over decided to try and take the older children now can't because of the CW's desire not to change the children's school district and the multiple therapy appointments now in affect. My friend and her family fully expect TPR to occur as there are multiple serious criminal charges pending. My friend is fully aware of how hard it may be for the older children to be adopted and really hopes she can still some how manage to get placement of them. She has told me "I know that they don't have much of a chance of being adopted if I don't take them in. I can't stand the thought of them going through that. I want to have them live with me. I don't want them to grow up in the system." Yet now, the CW won't give her or her family the time of day. She can't even manage to get a visit with the children to tell them it's okay. She knows they are probably wondering why her family didn't take them in again. If TPR occurs so the parents can't veto placement, and the older children are finally allowed to move school districts, enough people in my friends family have stepped up willing to take placement of the children. So all this to say, some times kin don't have a choice but to come late to the ball game. That doesn't mean they don't care. Or that they don't respect the bond that has formed between the FP's and the children. It just might be that they didn't have a way to make it possible until then. I'm not saying all kin are this way. I am sure there are people out there who know about removal but choose not to get involved until years down the road when TPR is in the works and they suddenly don't want to lose "family." I just wanted to remind all of us that sometimes we need to give kin more benefit of the doubt.
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I always wondered until recently when we got a baby girl, and we were told that mom vetoed placement with a relative. I had no idea bios could even do that. It makes no sense. Why give them that power? They cannot veto non-relative foster care, so why let them veto relative placement? We know that even if this case goes to TPR that the relative will likely want this baby, and it may take years to get through the case, she will bonded to us, but it is not the fault of the relative that she could not take this child now. It is a terrible position to put the child in, and it stinks that the relatives miss out on those sweet baby years.
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Mommyof3ks
I always wondered until recently when we got a baby girl, and we were told that mom vetoed placement with a relative. I had no idea bios could even do that. It makes no sense. Why give them that power? They cannot veto non-relative foster care, so why let them veto relative placement? We know that even if this case goes to TPR that the relative will likely want this baby, and it may take years to get through the case, she will bonded to us, but it is not the fault of the relative that she could not take this child now. It is a terrible position to put the child in, and it stinks that the relatives miss out on those sweet baby years.
MY current placement is supposed to go to grandma eventually. When he was taken by the parents they requested he not go to grandma as she parks him in front of the tv. Now they want him with her as he goes to daycare and they don't want that either. This child has SEVERE developmental delays and is going to a special daycare that takes nothing but children with delays or other issues. He was going to the daycare my son goes to but the staff asked that I move him somewhere else as they are not trained nor have the staff to give him one on one care.
Where I am, no family is considered unless the BP ask for them specifically. Even a grandparent can't just call in and say, "Give me a homestudy." The parents have to be on board with it. Then when the parent's rights are terminated, it's to late. Does it seem like a catch 22? Yes. But I have a theory on the reasoning. Most of the country does not recognize grandparents rights. No matter how heartbreaking the story or if they are the only tie to that biological side of the family. While a child is in FC, the BP rights trump almost everything. If they do not want their child to go to a relative, that is still their right. If during the year, or two, or more it takes to get to TPR with a child the relatives want placement, it is in their best interest to make enough peace with the parents for them to ask. It is in their best interest to put any hesitation aside and do whatever is necessary to secure custody of the children. If not, the bond to the FP must be considered when the parents no longer have rights. Hence the use of bonding assessments. I'm hoping some of that theory made sense. It wasn't about morality, just legality. I know not all cases go on forever. Not all cases have BP in the picture to have an opinion. ICPC takes forever and the system moves at a snail's pace. So if a relative wants placement, they should do whatever they have to do ASAP. (Part of me wants to throw in a "Welcome to our world" :evilgrin: ) I know not all areas work like mine. Heck, I've heard some have so little regard for FP that they actively search for relatives (yes, search them out) to adopt the child instead at TPR. That bond should not be negated, nor the children's and FP feelings underestimated. I hope this family is able to work out their issues in a timely manner. I hope that if they are getting placement, visits are set up, and the FF know they are involved. It's heartbreaking when all are kept in the dark.
Mommyof3ks
I always wondered until recently when we got a baby girl, and we were told that mom vetoed placement with a relative. I had no idea bios could even do that. It makes no sense. Why give them that power? They cannot veto non-relative foster care, so why let them veto relative placement? We know that even if this case goes to TPR that the relative will likely want this baby, and it may take years to get through the case, she will bonded to us, but it is not the fault of the relative that she could not take this child now. It is a terrible position to put the child in, and it stinks that the relatives miss out on those sweet baby years.
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I would guess there are all sorts of reasons why kin wouldn't come forward a bit faster. Obviously, being veto'd by bios would be one. This happened in our 3rd case. It wasn't until the father disappeared that placement with the aunt could be considered. Of course, by then, the mother had finished her caseplan and there was only one more month before the kids would be returned anyway so moving them made little sense.Sometimes, they just can't help how long it takes and I do understand that though I still disagree with what happened. With Monkey, kin stepped forward and took her but couldn't keep her due to a tragic illness. So fictive kin stepped forward but they were in another state. That in and of itself slows things down considerably. Then add that kin wasn't proactive in the least and the caseworker made a pretty big blunder that cost the situation MONTHS. At first, we were all for the placement. In time, as the months and months went on, it no longer was in Monkey's best interest, but we were the only ones concerned with that. (Just for clarification's sake, this was the ONLY time we have been against the goal. We don't make a habit out of forwarding our own dream.)And it totally makes sense to me that family *wouldn't* step forward at first sometimes. Kinship care is HARD! Dealing with the family may be really tough. The family hopes that tough love will make the parents do right. Extended family doesn't know (I haven't known the majority of the situation with my nieces children). The family isn't prepared to do something short term (but if it looks like it will go long term will gladly move or whatever it will take). The family has heard of or seen other cases where CPS does next to nothing once kids are moved to kin. All sorts of possibilities. The thing is that in all of these situations, it may or may not be best to move the children in the end. It really depends. But protocol being what it is, money, statistics, "family," etc all rank higher than the best interest of the children. In some cases, not only are the children not HELPED by moving later in a case, it may actually HURT them. I think that when things drag out, on purpose or otherwise, that people need to consider it very carefully. Obviously, age of child may make a difference also. A year to a three year old is significantly different than a year to a 14year old. Also, prior relationship may make a difference. A child going to a family member he knows at all, especially well, is different than going to a stranger. And other things to consider may be things like special needs. RAD is different than CP is different than mild MR is different than Downs is different than Cancer is different than Bipolar is different than _______. Not every parent should parent every situation (I know *I* shouldn't!). Family has to consider their knowledge, experience, resources, etc.Anyway, hopefully things work out for your family :)
I would guess there are all sorts of reasons why kin wouldn't come forward a bit faster. Obviously, being veto'd by bios would be one. This happened in our 3rd case. It wasn't until the father disappeared that placement with the aunt could be considered. Of course, by then, the mother had finished her caseplan and there was only one more month before the kids would be returned anyway so moving them made little sense. Sometimes, they just can't help how long it takes and I do understand that though I still disagree with what happened. With Monkey, kin stepped forward and took her but couldn't keep her due to a tragic illness. So fictive kin stepped forward but they were in another state. That in and of itself slows things down considerably. Then add that kin wasn't proactive in the least and the caseworker made a pretty big blunder that cost the situation MONTHS. At first, we were all for the placement. In time, as the months and months went on, it no longer was in Monkey's best interest, but we were the only ones concerned with that. (Just for clarification's sake, this was the ONLY time we have been against the goal. We don't make a habit out of forwarding our own dream.) And it totally makes sense to me that family *wouldn't* step forward at first sometimes. Kinship care is HARD! Dealing with the family may be really tough. The family hopes that tough love will make the parents do right. Extended family doesn't know (I haven't known the majority of the situation with my nieces children). The family isn't prepared to do something short term (but if it looks like it will go long term will gladly move or whatever it will take). The family has heard of or seen other cases where CPS does next to nothing once kids are moved to kin. All sorts of possibilities. The thing is that in all of these situations, it may or may not be best to move the children in the end. It really depends. But protocol being what it is, money, statistics, "family," etc all rank higher than the best interest of the children. In some cases, not only are the children not HELPED by moving later in a case, it may actually HURT them. I think that when things drag out, on purpose or otherwise, that people need to consider it very carefully. Obviously, age of child may make a difference also. A year to a three year old is significantly different than a year to a 14year old. Also, prior relationship may make a difference. A child going to a family member he knows at all, especially well, is different than going to a stranger. And other things to consider may be things like special needs. RAD is different than CP is different than mild MR is different than Downs is different than Cancer is different than Bipolar is different than _______. Not every parent should parent every situation (I know *I* shouldn't!). Family has to consider their knowledge, experience, resources, etc. Anyway, hopefully things work out for your family :)
Just want to clarify the case I was talking about in no way involves any relatives of mine. It is the family of a dear friend of mine. I simply wanted to put the situation out there because I know it caused me to think differently about kinship placements happening later in the game. Before I always felt a bit of a bad taste in my mouth at those who knew their relatives were in care but didn't step up. Now thanks to this situation I feel differently. I am thankful that my friend and I have talked about how fp's are treated in the system and she has seen it with our cases. She has a great respect for the people who are caring for her cousins right now, whomever they might be. She is choosing to believe they are being well cared for her in the absence of her family taking placement vs believing the stereotypical "all foster care is bad." If they aren't able to take placement within a reasonable amount of time they will allow the foster parents to adopt the children if they so desire. More so the younger ones who may not remember her and her family as much. Her main concern as this process wears on is that the older ones not be left in the system feeling as though their family turned their backs on them.
Searching4Motherhood
If they aren't able to take placement within a reasonable amount of time they will allow the foster parents to adopt the children if they so desire. More so the younger ones who may not remember her and her family as much. Her main concern as this process wears on is that the older ones not be left in the system feeling as though their family turned their backs on them.
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TemporaryMom
It is kind of funny, in the 3 years I have been on this board, I have yet to hear of a long-term case where kin stepped forward at the end for older children. I am sure it has happened, but it usually always involves younger children, which is why some of us FPs get so aggravated, because of the trauma it does to them to go through removal just for the sake of keeping them with kin, fictive or otherwise. The hardest thing is when you have kin who can't take the child because of geography. Darn, I forget her screenname, but we have someone here who is trying to get her 14yo niece. The problem is, they can't move children out of state when the goal is still RU because then the parents don't get their right to visits. So, the kids have to linger until TPR happens and they can go to kin. In this case, the niece knows her aunt and has a relationship. I will tell you this, if Kin steps forward for my BE at the end, I will be livid, and I will likely fight it. They have all known about him in care since day one so there is no excuse. I am hoping that won't be a case because his great aunt and his brother's grandma both want him with me.
TemporaryMom
It is kind of funny, in the 3 years I have been on this board, I have yet to hear of a long-term case where kin stepped forward at the end for older children. I am sure it has happened, but it usually always involves younger children, which is why some of us FPs get so aggravated, because of the trauma it does to them to go through removal just for the sake of keeping them with kin, fictive or otherwise.
Bios can not veto relative placements here. Unless there is strong evidence they are abusive or have other issues, bios concerns will be looked at and determined if they hold any truth. If they simply don't like them or estranged from them, too bad. If they want the kids, they will get them. I have seen them try to smooth it over with bios in two different cases so they're not completely insensitive. Also here, they search for any and all relatives HARD in the first 3 months especially in cases where RU looks iffy. Still, with my first foster, a kin family called about her right away and nothing was connected up for months. I didn't find out they existed and wanted her until the decision to move her had already been made over 3 months after they had initially called. Due to the circumstances of this family, it was obvious they would pass everything and it ticks me off for all of us that this wasn't figured out sooner. They should have gotten her right away. :rolleyes:
Confused46
if Niece were a baby, I would never had known she was even removed from the home.
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Confused46
Did I hear my name called? :popcorn: Niece is 15 already and we are still in legal limbo. :arrow: Oh, BTW, her bios did not give any kin names, despite the fact that there are a lot of relatives (all out of state, unfortunately) who would be able to take her in addition to me. If Niece hadn't insisted that her foster mother call me, I would not have known she was in care at all. Her case worker certainly never called me. Bios are also fighting placement with me because I am "against" them.
NDN
Happens here a lot. The statute requires that DHS search for family, but doesn't specify out of state. Therefore, DHS's stance is that they have no requirement to look for out of state family. They will not search &, unless the bios notify the court & the judge orders them to, they most likely won't contact them even if told about them. Often their "search" is just asking bios about possible placements. If told there aren't any, there may or may not be any further attempt.