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I am not having a good day, hope you all don't mind a little pity party. It has been a year since we started all of this and I am afraid that we are waiting and may never be matched. I wonder if all those "feelings" I was having before were not what I thought. Maybe it was just my biological clock ticking very loudly rather than the spirit. We have two wonderful biological children, but we have never felt that our family was complete. Due to medical complications with my pregnancies, I cannot have any more children. I am going to be 39 in a few months, so indeed, it could just be my mommy clock runny down. I was just so sure that adoption was right for us and this was the right time. But apparently, I was wrong. My husband and I have decided to set a date when we go ahead and pull our profile and decide that we are parents to the two children we have and no more. This whole process has put me into a major depression and my DH just cannot stand to watch me like this, thus the reason for the date. Anyway, this is longer than I had anticipated, I just wanted to say all of my feelings out loud (or in this case write all of my feelings down). Thanks for listening...V
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we all get tired of the wait, depressed, discouraged. quit looking for you child when you think you should, but give it time. try not to dwell on the wait - ha ha, i know. but make sure you are active and doing other things, not watching the computer all the time. i had to put a timer by my computer and limit my time it. i also had to limit the amount of times i would check my computer, like breakfast, lunch, dinner. then i would forxe myself to get off and do a project or something. you will have ups and downs until you are actually holding that baby and tprs are signed and you are home! good luck!
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Hi vwxyz,
We just started our paperwork to do straight adoption through LDSFS, but I can totally relate to the frustration of waiting. We're going on 4 years waiting for a finalized adoption (after two failed "foster/adoptions") and still no kiddos in our home.
if you're willing to consider adopting a baby/child that is a little older (18 months and up), I would strongly reccomend visiting the various state agency websites, which post "waiting children." These agencies will accept your LDSFS homestudy and you could be matched very quickly. Furthermore, the adoption will not cost you anything (LDSFS only charges for private adoption) and you may even receive a subsidy from the respective state that the child comes from. Some states (such as NJ) even offer a free college education for adopted children who meet certain criteria. This is what we intend on doing with our LDSFS homestudy.
You can obtain links to waiting children from my website: [url=http://www.passmybill.org]passmybill.org[/url] (although, some of the links don't work I'm afraid). I would recommend checking out Oregon (that link does work) as they have several younger children who are free and clear for adoption.
I hope this helps!
Jennifer
Dear V:
It does feel so hard and hopeless at times. I wont offer you any advice as many times you don't want to hear it but rather just have someone say I'm sorry and I understand. I feel like I have been "waiting" for a baby my whole life. Ok so it has only been 7 years haha! ANyhow please don't give up V. Always keep a little hope in your back pocket and keep trucking along.
Thinking of you... If you ever need a shoulder to cry on I will cry with you!
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We started the process in June 2004, were approved in December 2004 and our son was born December 2005.
So...we waited a year (almost exactly). The wait is hard. You get depressed and discouraged very easily. The only advice I can give you is to network your heart out and keep yourself busy!!
Good luck!
Have you investigated international adoption? Depending on the country you apply to the process can be very quick. We are approved to adopt a little girl from China. I have seen other others from India, Russia, South America, etc. where the process is pretty quick (relatively). China has become more popular for whatever reason our wait is going to be about 20 months, but we know that we just have to wait and it will happen. It isn't a matter of waiting for someone to choose you like LDSFS. We specifically chose not to use LDSFS because of that reason. There was the chance that you would never be chosen and we weren't interested in that. There was also the chance that the birth mother would change her mind at the last minute and we weren't interested in that either.
Just another option.
Peter C. :banana:
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Yes, my husband and I did wait for 2 + years for our adoption. We now have a 6.5 month old baby boy. He is the light of our lives. We will finalize in a few weeks, followed by the temple. If someone would ask me to do it over again I would in a heart beat. Don't get discouraged just hang in there!
We just had our one year anniversary too, and I had a breakdown myself. After the tears, I thought of something... Something good will come of this. This is a difficult time for me as a mom, wife and woman, but I know the Lord has a plan. I hope you find the peace you seek. Don't give up.
I am so glad to here from other LDS people! What beautiful and heart breaking stories. We are from Arkansas and have been fostering for 2-1/2 years. Our first male placement was a 6week old baby boy (the light of our lives) and then we got a 9 month old baby girl (another light) The road was long and still is but we choose foster/adoption through our local DHS office. We have had 37 children come through our home. All scared and needing a warm, loving place to lay their heads. This July we will be the proud adoptive parents of the little boy and girl. Yes the temple gowns are already made and awaiting the big day.
Please don't give up. I know it is hard and you pray with hugh tears running down your face, the whole church fast and you fast, the temple prayer role, you name it. My patriartical blessing was my inspiration. We have been married 14 years, have two wonderful bio sons 12 and 10, but like you said we were not complete. I am 32 my husband 33. Due to medical problems we could not have anymore children and Just when we would think about giving up we would here a talk at conference or a talk at church (my husband is in the bishopric) and he would look at me and smile and I would wink back.
Long story short: We choose foster care, I have been the mom to many of heavenly fathers children, I traded in my super charged leather interrior Grand Prix for a mini-van, as of now we have 5 children, 12 yr old boy, 10 yr old boy (ours) 2 yr old boy, 2 yr old girl (so to be ours) and a 12 week old baby girl (would like to be ours) I have had to love some and let them leave but I knew I was doing what our Heavenly Father wanted me to do. But in the end I have never been so blessed.
My prayers to you all. Love Momma Dre.
I, too, felt prompted to add to my family after being told I can't have any more bio kids. I tried to ignore the feeling, until my husband mentioned he had been having that feeling too. We rushed to get our paperwork done, and our caseworker even said it usually doesn't go that quickly or smoothly, so naturally we assumed a match was on it's way. That's been almost a year ago. I know how you feel about wanting to give up, but every time I feel like I should forget about it, I get that feeling again like one of my kids is missing. So we have decided just to keep our homestudy active until they tell us we are too old! I try not to think about it. Best wishes, PM me if you want to talk.
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Hi -
I am new to this and know you posted this a few months ago. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I have a biological 7 year old daughter and have been trying to conceive for 5 1/2 years. We started the adoption process over 2 years ago. We have been approved and waiting for 21 months. (We have had 1 failed adoption though - birthmom changed her mind right after giving birth). But, hang in there. I believe the Lord is guiding and directing us all. I think we all learn more patience then we really want to. I am 31, have been married for 10 years, but "our plan" was to have our 4 kids and be done by now. Obviously not the Lord's plan. We kind of had to readjust our plan and find the Lord's plan for us. Good luck, hope it is all going well for you.
Have you considered adopting a waiting child? I have 6 children: 1 biological (3 years old), twins from Cambodia (7 years old), sibling group from Haiti (4 and 2 years old) and one domestic AA special needs daughter (2 years old). We have never had to be on a waiting list. If you are willing to adopt outside of LDSFS there are soooo many avenues. There are sooo many kids waiting for families.
Kelly