Request For Birthmother Feedback -- Please!

1. How long has it been since the baby was adopted?15 years. So your post hits me kind of hard in the sense that my DD isn't even old enough to handle reunion right now, I can't imagine her being fifteen and pregnant! Your sis is lucky to have your support! 2. Was the adoption at birth or was the baby older when it was adopted?at birth 3. Have you had more children since placing the baby up for adoption?No, but I do plan on having more after I marry 4. If so, do you feel that the decision to have more children has uprooted any suppressed emotions? I fully expect there to be a lot of supressed emotions when I do get pregnant and give birth. Especially being a parent. 5. Have you participated in counseling? If so, do you feel that it has made a significant positive impact?I did not have counseling. I probably should have, although I did not realize how it affected me until I was older. Back then I thought it would just get easier. 6. In hindsight do you still feel that you have made the best decision for the baby? For yourself?My DD has had a great life with a great family. She has everything I wanted for her. For me I like my life right now, and I know it would not be this way had I not made that choice. I'm not saying it would have been better, just different 7. Have you had a (mostly) positive or negative experience with the adoption process?Mostly positive :) 8. What has been your involvement with the baby (open/closed)? And what has your experience (if any) been with the adoptive family?I started out with an open adoption, but I backed away before DD was old enough to really establish a relationship with her. Her a-family is AMAZING, I am grateful that the door was always left open to me, and right now I have a semi open adoption. They have always been gracious to me. 9. Did you choose the adoptive family? If so, how would you describe the process?I did a private domestic adoption, I was matched through mutual friends, so I'm not sure about agency experiences, but I know the minute I spoke with them, we clicked instantly and I knew they were the right family. 10. Do you feel that you were fully informed when you made your decision? If not, is there anything that you know now that you wish you would have known then?No, I really was never told of my options, and here is where it is bad not to have agency/third party involvement. I made the decision to place on my own, didn't tell my parents, and wasn't speaking to the birthfather at the time I made the decision, so he had no say either. Sometimes I wish that I could have explored parenting a little further. I did not consider parenting, I was terrified I'd "screw her up" with my teenage youth, that she would not have a father in her life, and that I could not rely on anyone for support. I know now that it would have been hard, but I would have been OK, B-dad would have stepped up, if only because of the fact that he loves her, and my parents probably would have helped. I do wish I had realized this before. Oh, and it doesn't get easier as the years go on. I wish someone would have told me that. 11. Do you have any advice for birthmothers considering adoption as their primary option?Do your homework. Research your options. Hold out for the family that makes you comfortable, that truly "matches" you. Don't give in to coersion from anyone! 12. Do you have any advice as to how the birthmothers family could help her cope with the transition?Let her take the lead. If she wants to talk, listen. If she doesn't, give her space. It's hard to say, but one thing is true, she will never forget, so don't pretend it never happened. 13. Do you ever regret or feel guilty about your decision? If so, how do you cope?I, like others have said, regret being put in a position where the best option was to lose my first born. But I don't regret or feel guilty for my choice. I did the best I could at the time, and I stand by it.Good luck to you and your family. Hope this helped!

1. How long has it been since the baby was adopted? He went to live with afamily 11/88 - adoption finalized 8/892. Was the adoption at birth or was the baby older when it was adopted? he was 5 weeks old3. Have you had more children since placing the baby up for adoption? yes - I have 3 I am parenting - you could not tear them away from me.4. If so, do you feel that the decision to have more children has uprooted any suppressed emotions? Sometimes. When my next child was born - everyone wanted to tell me what it would be like "for my first". The one that hit the hardest was the last. She was born a week before he turned 17. Thank God I had her to keep my totally sleepless and busy the last year before he turned 18.5. Have you participated in counseling? If so, do you feel that it has made a significant positive impact? My parents forced me to go to a psychologist to get me to do what they wanted, which was place. Now I refuse to talk to anyone unless they are a member of the triad.6. In hindsight do you still feel that you have made the best decision for the baby? For yourself? It was my parents' decision - not mine - I was 17. I contested the adoption once I turned 18. It didn't matter.7. Have you had a (mostly) positive or negative experience with the adoption process? I think adoption stinks unless it is truly your decision. I would never go that route again. I would never entertain the idea. I have a lot of respect for amoms that do it right, but I feel there are not a lot of them. I wonder if people want to help a homeless child so much, why are their so many older children on sites like this one waiting to be adopted. Why does everyone get crazy and do ridiculous things just for a baby. They grow up too. It is unfair to the older children growing up in the system that are dying to be loved. 8. What has been your involvement with the baby (open/closed)? And what has your experience (if any) been with the adoptive family? Amazingly, I have had really nothing to do with the adoptive family, and I am related to them. Their entire family (and most of the 7 siblings) have completely cut my family off. I have met my son, but only because he turned 18. His parents are still afraid of having him know me. He told me he does not think his mom could handle it. 9. Did you choose the adoptive family? If so, how would you describe the process? see above - My grandma told her infertile nephew I was pregnant. He called my parents and they all decided it would be wonderful for them to adopt my son. I called them twice after he was born and told them I was keeping my baby. My dad made me call them on Sunday, November 20, 1988 to come and get him. Their attorney advised them against it, but they still came. He has been with them ever since.10. Do you feel that you were fully informed when you made your decision? If not, is there anything that you know now that you wish you would have known then? I wish I would have known the time limits. I had 20 days after the papers were signed to revoke. That happened to be 2 days after my 18th birthday and 2 days before Christmas. I waited until after Christmas but the time had expired. So no dice. Even though my parents forced my signature, I had no required by WV law Legal counsel, and I was told by their attorney that form would expire on my 18th birthday and I should sign the other form he sent once I turned 18. I also wish I would have pursued legal action against my parents. 11. Do you have any advice for birthmothers considering adoption as their primary option?I would be a bad person to provide advice on this topic.12. Do you have any advice as to how the birthmothers family could help her cope with the transition? I would tell them to stay the heck out of it. You do not have the same bond with the child the mother does. It is HER decision.13. Do you ever regret or feel guilty about your decision? If so, how do you cope? I come here a lot. I obsess about my son. I feel like I have been robbed of a child. But the biggest challenge is that my children have been robbed of a sibling. They will NEVER have the relationship with the dynamic of growing up together. My son has to endure the feelings that someone "gave him up". He has said that to me a dozen times. When my parents were in a quest to save their reputations and have him be raised by 2 parents, they never thought about him being "given up" by his mother. I will never forgive them for that. There is a definite rift in our relationship and I don't know if it will ever go away. Maybe if my son and I are able to establish a real relationship, I will be able to put the hurt aside, but it has not happened yet, and I don't see it happening anytime soon. Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. She will not be 15 forever, and she will not be the 1st 15 year old to give birth. Best of luck in whatever HER decision.

1. How long has it been since the baby was adopted? 43 years 2. Was the adoption at birth or was the baby older when it was adopted? at birth 3. Have you had more children since placing the baby up for adoption? I couldn't live without my son and married before he was one year old. Had a second child before he was 2. My son is 43 my raised daughter is 41. 4. If so, do you feel that the decision to have more children has uprooted any suppressed emotions? I was lost without my first child. Giving him up was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I was never the same after. I was never that carefree 15 I was before I got pregnant. I was a mother without her child. 5. Have you participated in counseling? If so, do you feel that it has made a significant positive impact? Yes 33 years later. pain is still there, even after 10 years of reunion. 6. In hindsight do you still feel that you have made the best decision for the baby? For yourself? No.. he would have been better off with me. Yes I would have needed help. But each day I got older, each moment I matured. 7. Have you had a (mostly) positive or negative experience with the adoption process? it is okay 8. What has been your involvement with the baby (open/closed)? And what has your experience (if any) been with the adoptive family? none closed 9. Did you choose the adoptive family? If so, how would you describe the process? No they didn't do that in the 1960s 10. Do you feel that you were fully informed when you made your decision? If not, is there anything that you know now that you wish you would have known then? No I was lied to by everyone, the worse was my mother. 11. Do you have any advice for birthmothers considering adoption as their primary option? Keep your child if at all possible. 12. Do you have any advice as to how the birthmother’s family could help her cope with the transition? There is no way anyone can take away the pain of losing a child. You learn to push it away. But it is always there. You learn to deal with it. 13. Do you ever regret or feel guilty about your decision? If so, how do you cope? Oh yes, I wish I had fought harder, I wish I hadn't been so scared of my mother. I was able, always able, he was born 16 days after my sixteenth birthday. If there is any possible way you can help your sister to keep her child, I hope you will find a way to make it work. To help her parent, to help her finish school, to help her keep her soul in tack. Giving away a child is like giving away part of your heart and soul. Adoption is wonderful, but it is not always the best answer for the young teen mom to be and her child. She is not a birth mother, she is an expectant mother. Becareful that you see into her heart, and the love she may have for her child. don't just look at how young she is at this moment. She will never be that young again. I could not be what I was not. I was no longer a carefree teenager. I would never be that again. I was a mother, with no child to hold. Good luck in whatever decision you make. But please make sure she has no doubt at all before she signs any papers at all. Allow her to have doubts and be able to share them. Be willing to let her keep her child if she wants too. So often people around the young mom-to-be forget it is her body, her baby, as they talk about adoptive parents with no children who want a baby. Each time this is said she will begin to feel like she doesn't really count in all this. It starts to sound like everything outside of you is more important then you. As if the only real being is the baby, and you don't exist. Everyone becomes so wrapped up in giving the baby up, and life will continue as before when it is gone. But life is never the same again. I heard this so many times. We so often we hear people say, God would want you to do this or that. God would want you to make this childless coulple a family, but, God gave her this baby, so he must have meant for her to have the baby. Or else god wouldn't have let her get pregnant. LOL yes I know.. I have lived this a long time, and some things still hurt. A supportive family, willing to help me keep my child would have been the most wonderful thing on earth. Hearing my grandmother say 10 years too late, that she should have "grab you and your baby and just left that hospital" just made it hurt more.

One point that I forgot to make when I posted last is that even though your intentions are good don't rush your little sister into making a decision. The effects of this decision will last her lifetime, the baby's lifetime- even her grandchildren will be effected. It will likely be the most pivitol decision of her life. Let her take her time. Let her feel free to change her mind as she explores the posibilities. (Personally if your parents are willing to help- I think Little Sister will be happier keeping the baby) -Patty

1. How long has it been since the baby was adopted? I gave birth July 1988.2. Was the adoption at birth or was the baby older when it was adopted?Two days after the birth I signed the papers. DD went to the Agency's "Foster Mother" for 6 weeks. When she was 6 weeks old she was placed into the arms of her new parents.3. Have you had more children since placing the baby up for adoption? I had one child 10 years, 8 months and 2 days later. Guilt prevented me from having any earlier and it prevented me from having any more.4. If so, do you feel that the decision to have more children has uprooted any suppressed emotions? The uprooting of suppressed emotions didn't happen until DD turned 18. Raising my younger DD has caused more guilt for me and has also caused me to be more protective of her because for some reason it's stuck in my head "she is the only daughter I will ever know". (Hopefully that will not be the case.)5. Have you participated in counseling? If so, do you feel that it has made a significant positive impact? The Agency went through provided one on one counseling pre and post. I've tried to seek counseling elsewhere but they always told me I had to forget about it and move on. So, I have a pretty strong support system with my girlfriends and here.6. In hindsight do you still feel that you have made the best decision for the baby? For yourself? If I knew then what I know now...I would have kept DD. Turns out I had more strength back then and I just didn't give myself credit for it.7. Have you had a (mostly) positive or negative experience with the adoption process?Mine was positive. 8. What has been your involvement with the baby (open/closed)? And what has your experience (if any) been with the adoptive family?My adoption was closed. Open was a fairly new concept and I wasn't comfortable with the Agencies that provided Open Adoption at the time. I also chose closed to protect DD. 9. Did you choose the adoptive family? If so, how would you describe the process?No, but I was told the next parents in line were absolutely perfect for my daughter. The adoptive mother and I could pass as sisters and the adoptive father has the same build and blue eyes as the birth father.10. Do you feel that you were fully informed when you made your decision? If not, is there anything that you know now that you wish you would have known then?Yes, I was even told by the Agency I was allowed to see and hold DD while I was in the hospital because I was her mother until I signed my rights away. They encouraged me to name her so I could call her something besides "baby" and she had a name until placement day. They even told me the "Foster Mom" will take snapshots for me if I wanted. 11. Do you have any advice for birthmothers considering adoption as their primary option?Research your options! Know your rights! Only you can make the decision! Talk to as many women as possible who have been in this position. You can't "just forget about", "moving on" doesn't seem possible, that empty spot in your heart can't be filled. 12. Do you have any advice as to how the birthmothers family could help her cope with the transition?Love her, Listen to her, wipe her tears, help her research. Whatever decision she makes please don't hold it against her. 13. Do you ever regret or feel guilty about your decision? If so, how do you cope?I still feel guilty. I don't know if coping with it is possible. I try my best to have faith, I try to be patient. DD has always been in my thoughts. She'll be 19 next month and she still is not ready for me, it tears me up, but somehow I manage to still have hope.

I don't know if anything I have said will help your sister, you, or the rest of your family. Just know that there are people that care and understand what all of you are feeling.

[FONT=Times New Roman]1. How long has it been since the baby was adopted?[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman]20 Years

2. Was the adoption at birth or was the baby older when it was adopted?

Birth.

3. Have you had more children since placing the baby up for adoption?

No.

4. If so, do you feel that the decision to have more children has uprooted any suppressed emotions?

I couldnt have more children because I would always feel incomplete. I may now that we are in reunion҅ but I just couldnt because I always felt like my first born was lost and I had to complete that before I could move on being a Mom.

5. Have you participated in counseling? If so, do you feel that it has made a significant positive impact?

No. I did have pregnancy counseling to go over my options҅ looking back, it did seem pretty one sided. I wish I would have talked to First Moms that had relinquished years ago҅ the agency provided young gals who just recently relinquished and looking back there is no way they could provide good council as they were too young still dealing with their relinquishment.

6. In hindsight do you still feel that you have made the best decision for the baby? For yourself?

NoŅ and yes. At the time of course I didŅ but I was alone and young and no support. I didnt know that there were resources I could use and I didnҒt know that the situation I was in was only temporary that things would change. I wish I would have know that I was the best person to raise my child and that I was capable!!!!!

7. Have you had a (mostly) positive or negative experience with the adoption process?

The pregnancy counselor was nice. The emotional was originally negative, then horrible and unbearable before, during and immediately after our reunion. Now I am extremely happy.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman]8. What has been your involvement with the baby (open/closed)? And what has your experience (if any) been with the adoptive family?

Semi-openŅ letters and pictures once a year from the adoptive family and I sent letters and gifts 2 times a year for her birthday and Christmas. The adoptive family loves my daughter and raised her the best way they knew how she had nice things. They are good people. They arenŒt me.

9. Did you choose the adoptive family? If so, how would you describe the process?

Yes. I was given a book of Dear BirthparentӔ letters that were open to open adoption and told to read the letters and choose from them. Looking back what a ridiculous way to choose the parents of your child.

10. Do you feel that you were fully informed when you made your decision? If not, is there anything that you know now that you wish you would have known then?

I was not fully informed. I thought I was at the timeŅ of course I did. I wouldnt have done it if I didnҒt think I was making the right choice. In hindsight I was absolutely not fully informed and resent the process and how easy it is to influence and guide such a vulnerable young person to a desired outcome.

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[FONT=Times New Roman]11. Do you have any advice for birthmothers considering adoption as their primary option?[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman]Dont consider adoption as your primary option҅ consider parenting. You are capable, your circumstances are temporary and while the road is more difficult for you to complete school, earn a trade or degreeŅ it is still quite possible. Women have and continue to do it everyday. You can parent and you can do whatever you want to do!

12. Do you have any advice as to how the birthmothers family could help her cope with the transition?

Ahhh҅ if only I had support at the time. Support, Support, Support!!!

13. Do you ever regret or feel guilty about your decision? If so, how do you cope?

I do regret it I wish I would have made a different decision. I did live with the guilt until it almost killed me. Over the years, I couldnŒt run far or fast enough. It didnt matter how much money I made, how successful I became, how many accomplishments or degrees I earned҅ non of it mattered because I still knew deep down I knew that I didnŒt raise my baby girl. Now, I have forgiven myself most days I have learned to love myself and I am so excited everyday to have the most amazing daughter, to be in her life and nowŅ and only now that we are in reunion for 3 years do I finally feel complete and whole.[/FONT]

This is so true, no one tells you that you aren't just giving up your baby, but your grandchildren and great grandchildren too.. you are giving up your future decendants.. giving up the brother or sister of children you will raise. It really is something that if it can be avoided it should be.

1. How long has it been since the baby was adopted? 22 years 2. Was the adoption at birth or was the baby older when it was adopted? Birth. 3. Have you had more children since placing the baby up for adoption? Yes, but the first was 18 years afterwards!I didn't really realise it at the time, but I needed to feel REALLY secure before I could think of having another child. 4. If so, do you feel that the decision to have more children has uprooted any suppressed emotions? At first, no. Now that I'm in reunion with my birthson, it makes him more real in a way and I think a lot more (if this is possible, I thought about it a lot before!) about how he might have been like as my girls hit different ages/milestones. 5. Have you participated in counseling? If so, do you feel that it has made a significant positive impact? I wasn't allowed to seek counseling immediately afterwards which was not a good thing. I sought out counselling a few years later, not sure it helped, not sure anything helps! 6. In hindsight do you still feel that you have made the best decision for the baby? For yourself? I was fairly determined that adoption was the best choice for my son. He's been happy in his life, has a fabulous mom and stepmom and dad and has turned out to be one of the most together people I know, so I guess it was the best decision for him. For me, I wish I'd known about open adoption as a choice. I wish my parents had offered more support instead of a 'I guess we can adopt if you want' 7. Have you had a (mostly) positive or negative experience with the adoption process? That's a hard one. It's so mixed up. There are both positive and negative aspects. 8. What has been your involvement with the baby (open/closed)? And what has your experience (if any) been with the adoptive family? I wasn't given a choice, it was closed. I wish I'd had known about the option of semi-open/open. Since reunion, astepmom and adad are extremely positive. amom is a little scared of the idea of me. 9. Did you choose the adoptive family? If so, how would you describe the process? I had no choice as to the family but I was told a little about them. I wished I'd known that amom wasn't going to be at home with him at least at first. Adad stayed home a few months, but I hate he was put in daycare so early. 10. Do you feel that you were fully informed when you made your decision? If not, is there anything that you know now that you wish you would have known then? There is so much I wish I'd known! Options. Help. How much pain this would cause. I knew it would never go away even though everyone told me to forget, but I wish I'd had more emotional support. I felt so alone. 11. Do you have any advice for birthmothers considering adoption as their primary option? I guess I agree with what everyone else seems to be saying, see if you can figure out how to parent the child yourself. 12. Do you have any advice as to how the birthmothers family could help her cope with the transition? Make sure she feels that she's loved by her family no matter which option she chooses. Appreciate that she's vulnerable and emotional and give her a lot of hugs. Help her by giving her the freedom to choose. Don't let her feel like a bad person just because she's pregnant. 13. Do you ever regret or feel guilty about your decision? If so, how do you cope? I have wept a lot of tears. It helps to talk! and that's something I wasn't allowed to do for a very long time. I never really regretted my decision until I met my bson. Since then I've had a lot of feelings of wishing I'd been able to keep him. Of course, I wouldn't be where and who I am now and I'm happy with that and he wouldn't be who he is now and we're both happy with that...

1) I lost my son 28 years ago 2) He was placed a few weeks after birth. 3) Yes, I had 2 more boys and 2 girls 4) Yes, at first I was afraid that they wouldn't let me take my son home from the hosptial. I often worried that maybe I was not fit to be a mother because I had given up my first child. Even though I have been a good mom and am now even a grandma, I still struggle with that feeling. 5) In 1978 when I gave my baby us for adoption, the only couselling we received was from adoption workers who had ulterior motives. I advise you get real unbiased couselling for her from a true professional that knows about adoption issues and loss and can realistically share with her what she may feel if she relinquishes her child, or if she keeps her child. 6) He says I made the right decision but I don't think so because he acted pretty hateful to me when I found him so I wonder how he was raised. For me it was a bad decision, I have suffered a great deal with nightmares and post adoption syndrome (similar to post abortion syndrome) 7) In my closed adoption, almost all negative, except the fact that I was glad I had given him life and didn't consider abortion. However, I am also an adoptive aunt and I dearly love my adoptive neices and nephews. 8) I begged for more openness but back then they didn't allow it, or at least that is what I was told then. I wrote a letter at the time a gave him up for him and one for the adoptive parents which they refused to read as they felt it might induce guilt in them. (: 9) They had to put him in a home of the same faith as me as I requested this and I was told some non identifying info which made them sound like the perfect family. Only God knows whether it was really a better home for him than I could have provided. 10) I still wish I had more emotional support. This is a lifetime of pain for all invloved especially in closed adoptions. 11) I would never give up a child for adotion again. I would try to find help from my family first. 12) The birthmom's family needs to do their best to not influence her decision at all. This is a choice she and the baby will have to live with forever and it will have a big impact on her life either way. Just love her and support her and make sure she isn't railroaded into something she doesn't want. An offer to babysit one night per week would also be nice. :) 13) Yes, I deeply regret my decision. I have only learned to cope by turning to God in prayer. I went thru many years of less productive behavior before I turned my pain over to God. Finally, also maybe someone can talk to her about how she got pg in the first place. I say this because I got pg thru an abusive relationship and that also adds another dimension to things. Don't assume because it was a boyfriend or even a fianace that she was a willing participant in the physical relationship. The only good thing that came out of all this for me was that I developed a much deeper empathy for those who are going thru pain. I later got my degree in Social Work and for some years worked in an unwed mothers home, I have also been invloved in prolife work. God can turn all our pain into something good for Him if we let Him. God Bless..........

This is something that is never mentioned in adoption literature or by adoption counselors (in my limited experience). As the mother of a daughter who was considering adoption, I realized that if I did not provide the support that my daughter needed to parent I might be losing my only grandchild. My husband and I have 2 children. Our older son is married and he and his wife are not sure that they want children. Also, I have heard that many women who relinquish have problems getting pregnant after losing their child so my grandson could have been my daughter's only child had she relinquished. This little guy who is, as I type, in my kitchen playing with his mummum might be our one and only grandbaby!! I shudder to think that we could have lost him forever. Happy G'Ma

Thank you for being the kind of mom who recongnized that issue. The kind of mom who was willing to help. thanks

Thank YOU! My daughter has done the hard stuff. I am there to provide advice, financial stability (MUCH less than I anticipated), and to collect the hugs and kisses. To steer us back on track for the OP - other posts pointed out that it is the emom's decision to step up to the plate to be a mother. I agree! As long as she is supported to make her decision after she meets her baby. Happy G'Ma

1. How long has it been since the baby was adopted? 20.5 yrs 2. Was the adoption at birth or was the baby older when it was adopted? at 4 days old 3. Have you had more children since placing the baby up for adoption? yes i have 17yodd, 14yods, 2yods 4. If so, do you feel that the decision to have more children has uprooted any suppressed emotions? it actually made me feel better b/c i placed a girl then had a girl of my own. it helped me...it reminded me of my pregnancy...but it soothed my pain too. 5. Have you participated in counseling? If so, do you feel that it has made a significant positive impact? while pregnant i did, but the councilor was stupid. no one truly understood how i felt or why i was doing this. they always wanted to put words in my mouth. or tell me i was handling things well. i sometimes "acted" like i was ok...when in fact i was crying inside. 6. In hindsight do you still feel that you have made the best decision for the baby? For yourself? yes on both cases. i wanted her to have 2 parents who loved her. she would have had me who loved her. but her bf wanted nothing to do w/ the pregnancy. and my 1st dh i met while pregnant...he would have hurt her enventually emotionally b/c he did it to his own children that we had. my dh now is not real excited that i have found info on her and would like to find her. but he will be supportive of whatever happens, just withdrawn. 7. Have you had a (mostly) positive or negative experience with the adoption process? its hard to answer. alot of days have been hard b/c i miss her and think of her ALL the time. but i know it was best for her b/c of things that transpired after her placement. and as time has gone on...i KNOW i made the RIGHT descision for both of us. 8. What has been your involvement with the baby (open/closed)? And what has your experience (if any) been with the adoptive family? closed. i sent letters for her parents and her. i recieved a letter from her parents. at 6 months, they sent me pictures of her for each month...they did this on their own w/out my request. 9. Did you choose the adoptive family? If so, how would you describe the process? i went thru an atty who was a very sweet christian man. i asked for her to be placed w/ a minister's family b/c i felt garenteed she'd be raised in a christian environment. plus i was a preacher's dd. not that i liked being one..but i wanted her to be safe. i felt that this was the way. now i know where she is, and her family is very involved in their church. she's going to a christian college studying communications and pre-law. i see that she has been surrounded w/ all i could have ever asked for. 10. Do you feel that you were fully informed when you made your decision? If not, is there anything that you know now that you wish you would have known then? my parents and my boyfriend,who ended up being my 1st dh, told me if i wanted to keep her, they'd support me. i lived w/ a family during pregnancy who adopted 3 children. so i felt fully informed and aware that this was MY discision. 11. Do you have any advice for birthmothers considering adoption as their primary option? make sure its ok in in heart and you are doing b/c YOU want to b/c you know its best. its never easy...it never goes away. dont stuff anything inside...talk about it. be in a big support group or supportive family where you can always talk about it. b/c you will need to. my parents had a hard time talking about it sometimes. i think they felt guilty, like they should have been more supportive for me and her. yeah, maybe they should have, but it all worked out how it was suppose to. i knew in my heart...she wasnt to be mine. God had a plan b/c He knew i'd get pregnant. and He created it to be the ONE time i was TOTALLY selfless. i did something for someone who was serving Him. that makes me feel better about the whole situation. but thats just me. i work in the ob/gyn field...have for 19yrs. yes...ironic huh? but i have counciled many girls...and i always say...dont do it for anyone else. make sure in your heart this is what you want. 12. Do you have any advice as to how the birthmothers family could help her cope with the transition? well i said this earlier...let her talk about it. she needs somewhere safe where she knows she wont feel strange for talking about it. that you share in her feelings...cry w/ her..laugh and remember w/ her. thats what really helped me. not someone who felt uncomfortable when i needed to talk about it. and NEVER tell her to forget it...b/c that can NEVER happen. your life just changes dramtically to EVER forget it. 13. Do you ever regret or feel guilty about your decision? If so, how do you cope? each day brings on a new coping method. w/ each child it seemed to make it easier...just never go away. i'm 41yo, and i still want one more child..and for it to be a girl. my last child i had a boy..and i was convinced he was a girl. i love him very much, and i am glad he's a boy now that my 17yodd is going thru the tough part of teenage yrs. my 14yo son is SO much less dramatic..LOL!! of course the next 2 yrs will be the test. now i know where my bd is...only 30 mins away...i am too frightened to contact her. i keep thinking i need to get my life more in order. this has been more stressful and brought on more repressed memories than anything in my life. my 2 older kids dont get along w/ their dad, my ex...i worry that looks bad. i'm not real involved in my church...i dont want her to think i'm a hypocrit. i ramble and talk too much too..as you can tell...will that drive her away. LOL!! just tell your sister...you will be there for whatever she needs. OH! and make sure she spends time w/ the baby when its born. i beleive that is SO important. i had 3 days w/ my bd..days i can never forget. it helped me w/ my discision. if there's anything i can help w/ just let me know!!! many prayers and hugs to you all!!!

1. How long has it been since the baby was adopted? Two months 2. Was the adoption at birth or was the baby older when it was adopted? Birth 3. Have you had more children since placing the baby up for adoption? No, but I had previous children 4. If so, do you feel that the decision to have more children has uprooted any suppressed emotions? I don't plan to have any children in the future, but if I did get pregnant, I would probably choose adoption again 5. Have you participated in counseling? If so, do you feel that it has made a significant positive impact? I didn't have professional counseling, but I had a wonderful agency and a great support system 6. In hindsight do you still feel that you have made the best decision for the baby? For yourself? I definitely feel that we made the best decision for both of us 7. Have you had a (mostly) positive or negative experience with the adoption process? My experience was definitely positive 8. What has been your involvement with the baby (open/closed)? And what has your experience (if any) been with the adoptive family? I have a semi-open adoption, I guess. (This was my choice) I email with my son's parents whenever I choose and we exchange pictures whenever I want (there are no timeline restrictions) but I will have no direct contact with the baby 9. Did you choose the adoptive family? If so, how would you describe the process? I waited until a month before my due date (I felt that choosing later was better) and I did choose my son's family. We read their profile and then had a phone conference with our agency. We met two weeks before my son was born and spent almost every day together and my son's a-mom was with me when I delivered. They gave me my space at the hospital, no pressure and we've emailed a couple of times since and have sent a few pictures to each other already 10. Do you feel that you were fully informed when you made your decision? If not, is there anything that you know now that you wish you would have known then? I researched a LOT about adoption before I contacted our agency, so I believe I was very informed on all of my decisions and I wasn't afraid to ask any questions 11. Do you have any advice for birthmothers considering adoption as their primary option? Adoption is an awesome thing, but you HAVE to make sure that you are 100% comfortable with ALL of your decisions because it's a decision that will affect you for the rest of your life. Just make sure to ask ANY questions you may have and ONLY get into a situation that fits what YOU want...don't let anyone pressure you 12. Do you have any advice as to how the birthmothers family could help her cope with the transition? Be there to support her, don't criticize 13. Do you ever regret or feel guilty about your decision? If so, how do you cope? I don't regret my decision, but I do have days that I'm sad and I'll pull out all of my pictures of my son and cry it out, but I think it's normal and above all, I know he will have a great life