Bparent Rights

I've been thinking a lot about this thread,and the trials you are going through. It is SOOO unfortunate IMO that there are cases where a birthmother cannot change her mind a day after the child is born, but then you have this end of the spectrum where the b-parents have shown zero interest in doing right by the child and they are allowed to retain their rights. It is truly heartbreaking. I know it's not exactly the same, but I have a friend who is involved in a custody hearing with the husband she left a year and a half ago. She has 2 kids, but only took her daughter with her from the home, leaving the son with the husband she was leaving due to the fact that he was using drugs. She claims a litany of "reasons" why (he wouldn't leave with me, I thought I could get him back, he hates me anyway, etc) PS a year and a half later, it's still not resolved. the son lives with the paternal grandparents and the father, the daughter lives with the maternal side. My friend shows very little interest in her sons life. Doesn't even call for his birthday. Just when an agreement is decided upon for visitation, she fights it again for selfish and vindictive reasons. This time, she found out he had a girlfriend, so she went back to her lawyer and said she refuses to send the daughter due to the fact that he "just left rehab". In turn , the husband doesnt send the son. She claims she wants custody of both children. The end result amongst other things is that these children barely see eachother. And as long as she has the ability, she will drag this on. It makes me so mad! It's sad and it's ridiculous that the court system allows this to contuinue. Postponements and rescheduled appointments, who is looking out for ANY of these children? The court system that is supposed to be protecting them is failing them miserably, IMO. There needs to be some kind of line drawn, a statute of limitations that says enough is enough in cases like all of yours. I'm sorry and I hope that someone will finally see that and grant these chiidren the stable and loving homes they deserve!!!!

Birthparents have rights: The right to care for and raise their child if they choose. If they choose not to take the baby home from the hospital and raise him, then they have a responsibility to sign the TPR so an adoption can take place. No judge should allow a child to remain in adoption limbo. For the adoptive parents who have been raising the child for years because a birth parent keeps filing motions, the birthparents should be paying child support. After all, it's still their child. As soon as a birthparent contests the adoption, a court order for support should go into place. If they are going to continue to fight then they should have to support the child they are fighting for.

Two times we have had mother's want to place their children with us and two times the father's refused to allow it. 1. One of the fathers didn't cross the street when he saw his ex (the mom) with the baby in a carriage. He has put her in the position of raising her fifth baby whie she tries to get clean and finish college. She was very depressed because she had to quit school and Dad hasn't paid any support. 2. A similar situation, only the Dad said while he wouldn't approve an adoption, he had no problem putting the child in foster care. Both these men had no home and lived with their parents, both men had no ability or intention to parent and both men felt that placing a child for adoption would be an embarrasment, an "unmanly" thing to do. These were their words, not mine. It is their right. This is the right of the bfather. But isn't the point of all this making sure a child is parented?

ChristieS and Daddysangel - In your cases the birthparents should have NO rights. In fact, I like Kat-L's suggestion that they should be required to pay child support for all the years they dragged you through the courts.There is NO valid reason for this to happen to you. I can think of four possibilities:1. The contesting birthparent is someone important or knows someone important in your district.2. The lawyers have conspired to have an income-for-life with your cases (you are probably putting their children through ivy league colleges!)3. The judge is stupid, corrupt, or personally hates you or your lawyers.4. All of the above(And please, before all birthparents pounce to tell me that THEY are not like that and I have insulted an entire group, note that I said in these two cases only!)

In your two cases, why did the judge give the children back? They did evaluate the fathers situation and terminate his rights on the basis that he couldn't provide for the child?

YES!! YES!! YES!! YES!!

Hmm, not really. It is quite easy to terminate a parents rights on the grounds of abandonment or non-support. In the cases mentioned in this thread the legal parents have certainly grossly abandoned their duties. I can't believe things can go on for so long.

I am always searching for answers and have found something great. From: [url=http://www.adoptionattorneys.org/information/children_rights.htm]Children Rights[/url] (and there is much more on this site) The child's interest in having his/her immediate familial relationship undisturbed must prevail in the face of unwarranted intrusion by those who do not have an established relationship with the child beyond a mere biological link. See, e.g., Hawk v. Hawk, 855 S.W.2d 573 (Tenn. 1993) Finally, a child's liberty interest in family stability must be considered even when a failed adoption is meritoriously challenged, but results in protracted litigation. Children are the innocent victims of such litigation and the grief that it inflicts.

I don't agree with that portion. If this were the case, anyone involved in a contested adoption (even in situations where the birthparents did not give legal consent) could win by just holding out litigation until the child was settled into their home. There is no justice in that. Although I don't believe that birthparents should continually hold up an adoption when a legitimate consent was signed, there are cases where a birthparents rights really were trampled on by the agency or legal system. And in these cases, the amount of time the child spent in an adoptive home shouldn't keep the birth family from winning their cases.

You are right, there is no justice. But this would cover the little Anna Mae He case. Where is the justice in dragging an 8-year-old away from the only home, the only parents, the only country she has ever known?There have been several high-profile cases where b-mother signed consent and then later b-father showed up, refused consent, and got custody of the child. (Yes, yes, I know. B-fathers have rights, not all states have putative father registries, b-mothers sometimes lie about b-father identities for their own reasons, etc.) The point is, at some point the right of the child to a stable home should take precedence over the adults being legally "right" or "wrong".

I agree that birthparents have rights - no one is saying otherwise. Let's remember that on this forum we are talking about cases where protracted litigation by the birthparents are what has caused the justice system to fail the children and the adoptive parents. There is precious little litigation where children's rights are advocated. There are very clear cases such as mine and daddysangel which continue in spite of clear and obvious abandonment by the birthparent and subsequent financial and emotional cost to the adoptive parents - and that this does negatively affect our children. This is why I am excited to find anything which supports the child's rights to a permanent home. And protracted litigation in cases where the birthparent has clearly abandoned the child but keeps the cases running in court clearly needs to be addressed in supreme court cases. When the child's rights and the adoptive parents' rights have been trampled over, abused, and ignored by the courts then any help by any advocacy group or court ruling is especially appreciated. WE deserve and need legal protection against this very sort of abuse perpetrated against us. I posted this information because it offers us some hope - not to take anything away from birthparents. Thank GOD there is something out there which does address this abuse of the courts in mine and daddysangel's cases. ChristieS

I've only come to this part of the board occasionally. I'm soo sorry that those of you dealing with stupidity in contested adoptions, have to go through all of this. It's criminal, to say the least. But, MamaS.....you took the words right out of my mouth. I've said this time and again.....but alas, too much of the time, the stability and permanency of the child is not considered.......sadly, they are still seen as possessions. Sincerely, Linny

ChristieS and Linny - dang right!

Are these children given the chance to speak. That was my first response to our attorney when all of this began. The OH judge told us that she would be considered in this whole thing.Her best interest would over ride anything else. To this day it has not happened and NC has their ruling out there on returning her and the steps that will be taken. The Bmom who has dealt with NC courts told us that the last thing we want is the case down there.She said if it goes there YOU WILL LOSE and NO MATTER WHAT THE COURT ORDERS SAY YOU WILL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.They are very corrupt.After seeing what they did and called it in her best interest I have to believe that. After our attorney brought this to the attention of the OH judge you would of thought that he would of held up what he said and realized that NC is not out for this girls best interest.He did not care and he is no better then NC. So before all the judges and court system makes the same mistake I would be very happy if they would sit down and ask this 9 yr old girl what she thought would be best for her,but after every let down we have been through I do not see that happening. May GOD give us strength to continue to fight for what we believe to be HIS will. GOD BLESS

We are also dealing with a court system who has never even allowed testimony as to my son's best interest - never considered him. When are our children given a chance to speak? Never in my case; never in daddysangel's case. When are our children even considered in all of this? "They are very corrupt." Yes, in my case as well. We, as the parents of these children, made a promise to them to do our best for them, to consider their best interest first - regardless. And that is what we are doing, even when the courts and birthparents do not. Sad.