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Well, I found out yesterday that my little Lamb's finalization will be postponed. It seems my agency didn't know that I needed to be refingerprinted for the court. I have to do that now. . . who knows how long the fingerprinting/background checking process will take. Had I known at any point over the last 6 months that I've been waiting to be able to finalize, I would have done it already!! I am very frustrated with them, but just try to keep my head down and plug along. I am more and more nervous that Lamb's birthfather will decide to contest. To update my story, my Lamb's birthfather was served with notice of the birth and adoption, but declined to sign the TPR papers. He and Lamb's birthmom have 2 other children together, and they are still together. I wouldn't worry so much (maybe), but I lost one daughter a year ago, through this same agency, after reassurances from some of the same people that the adoption seemed very solid, and her mom seemed very certain. I don't blame them for being wrong-- no one can ever really know, but their current assurances sound very hollow right now. My lost daughter's birthday was last Friday, and yesterday (the day I received notice of the finalization delay) was the anniversary of the day I had to return her. I've been a weepy mess since yesterday, and I'm eating everything in sight. It's hard for me to really talk to anyone about my lost daughter, because my family is still very hurt, and doesn't understand my continued relationship with her and her family. Others just expect me to be happy to have my son (which I am) and to "move on" and forget about my daughter (I won't), or worse to feel grateful because "everything worked out the way it should have" and "I have the child who was meant for me." I love my son with all my heart, but he's not a replacement for the child I lost, nor was she saving a spot for him. One has nothing to do with the other. I guess I'm feeling a little bitter right now. It will pass. I know there's nothing really to do but send in the new fingerprints and wait, but I'm feeling sad today, and I just wanted to stop by here and say so. Char
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Well, it seemed too good to be true, and it was. I sent my fingerprints in to the state as requested, and was excited to get a court date later this month (I thought the fingerprint issue would have caused a much greater delay). Unfortunately, the state seems to have lost my prints. The agency is scrambling (with a lot of pushing from me) to get me a new form, and I will get the prints out ASAP. . . but they may not come back before the hearing date. After speaking with the agency today, I called the lawyer they required that I hire. He sounded really concerned when he learned that the fingerprints had been lost (as was I), and puzzled that the agency had let it go this long before having them done in the first place (as was I). I just have this feeling of doom. . . every day that we're not finalized is a new opportunity for birthdad to object to the adoption. He has not been TPR'd and won't be until finalization. I know it seems silly to get so worked up over a delay, but I really really really need this to be over. I don't feel like I'm the mom I could be to my son because of this constant cloud hanging over our heads. I'm sure some of you know what I mean.
Char are these state fingerprints, FBI, what? Can't they be "expedited"???? Someone needs to back you on this, get those prints done quickly and get this child finalized. I'm sure everything will be ok but I also know the feeling of insecurity you have right now and it's not an easy feeling to carry around. Get on the phone to whoever you have to call to get this done. It's ridiculous that an agency is putting you through this. If it was their paychecks that were delayed, I'm quite certain something could be done about that, right???????????
They are state fingerprints. I spoke with the woman from the state today. She was very nice, and took lots of time to work with me. Unfortunately, even if she expedites on her end, which she agrees to do, the prints then have to go to the state police department, and they take a week or two to process the background check. The hearing is in 6 business days, so there's really no way this is going to happen as planned. The state lady also told me that it was possible that my form was sent back to the agency because I paid by personal check, rather than cashiers check or money order as required. (my mistake, although they've sent others back to my agency for the same problem). Another possibility is that my agency gave me the wrong address to send the prints to. The location recently changed. Regardless of what happened, they don't have the prints now, no fingerprint background check has been run, and no one seems to have any sense of urgency about this. When I spoke with the attorney yesterday, he was ready to move forward and try to finalize without them. The thought of possibly finalizing with a defect (which he assures me it would not be, but which I am afraid it would be) frightens the bejezus out of me. The last thing I need is to have to look over my shoulder for the next 18 years, hoping no one ever challenges the adoption. So my only real option is postponement, which is a horrible option all on its own. Ugh.
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It looks like it may really happen! I can't say enough for the background investigations woman in the state agency-- she moved he** and highwater to expedite my new fingerprints and have my investigation done in time for the finalization hearing. She faxed the clearance to my adoption agency. I haven't been able to get in touch with my attorney to make sure that they actually got the clearance to him. . . and I no longer trust the agency's word that they've done so. The hearing was postponed until Tuesday, so I will try again Monday morning to reach him. Oh I hope I hope I hope that everything goes smoothly!!! I don't think I'll be able to breathe again until it's over. Fortunately, we're up first!:) Char P.S. Trixie, I'm in Virginia. I think that as long as you go with another agency, you'll be fine! It turns out the state had returned the fingerprints to my agency because there was an error, and my agency didn't realize (or just forgot) they had them. . .
Char, I have a few thoughts here. First, I'm so sorry for your delay. I know that sinking feeling, the tightness in your chest that never goes away... We are in VA too and were told last month that VA is running 3 weeks behind in getting prints completed. Our girl was born two wks early and our prints were the only thing holding up our court date. I know in my heart that if they had been complete and our court date was earlier that it would have been one less obstacle in ensuring us still having our daughter today. The commonwealth doesn't care about this though. Isn't that our lawyers' job to push these things forward without having to ask them to do so?? Otherwise, do you know anyone in law enforcement that knows somebody?We went private adoption. Our lawyer and the SW told us what was required of us and in some cases we had things done/set up before our official paper work had arrived at our home. I'm reading so many entries about agencies lack of follow through here. Folks saying that they weren't told they had to.... or the agency didn't do/forgot to/didn't know we had to...... This is frightening to me considering the costs they require. Does this really happen this often?Lastly, I'm thinking about you today. I pray that everything goes smoothly and your lamb remains with you. Keep the faith and keep loving the lamb--you ARE his mom. Take care.
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I'm so sorry everyone!! I have been so busy lately that I never made it back to update you all. My Little Lamb's adoption was finalized on September 18. It's finally over. I'm still having a hard time believing it. In fact, I felt very strange afterwards. . . just waiting for the other shoe to drop. The feeling lasted until a few days ago. All of a sudden, I felt free Free FREE to love my son fully and completely without reservation or fear. I think it finally just hit me all at once, and I felt consumed with love and happiness. I am keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers. My struggle has felt unbearable at times, and I have not had 1% of the difficulty others have had. To Christie and Daddysangel in particular. . . please hang in there. You are not waiting and hoping alone. We are all with you and we all long to celebrate your happiness with you when it comes. Char
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ContactChar
I'm so sorry everyone!! I have been so busy lately that I never made it back to update you all. My Little Lamb's adoption was finalized on September 18. It's finally over. I'm still having a hard time believing it. In fact, I felt very strange afterwards. . . just waiting for the other shoe to drop. The feeling lasted until a few days ago. All of a sudden, I felt free Free FREE to love my son fully and completely without reservation or fear. I think it finally just hit me all at once, and I felt consumed with love and happiness. I am keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers. My struggle has felt unbearable at times, and I have not had 1% of the difficulty others have had. To Christie and Daddysangel in particular. . . please hang in there. You are not waiting and hoping alone. We are all with you and we all long to celebrate your happiness with you when it comes. Char
daddysangel
For all your support and it is such good news to see yours over and you to be released from the madness of a contested adoption. GOD BLESS