What makes a sucessful "reunion"?

bumping this up!

Hi Kathy, as you know I'm very recently reunited but I guess for me it would be that we enjoy each other's company and feel free to call each other at any time. Although I hope for more this is enough for me, for now. I guess were "almost" comfortable!

Keds, thanks for sharing. I'm really needing to hear positive stories right now.

hmmm...I don't have an answer at all, but I think it's a good question.

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"]My question is when is it considered a reunion?

Is it when you have that first face to face meeting (which I am supposed to have one week from tomorrow)?

Or does it start when you get that first letter asking "Are you who I am looking for?"

Or maybe that first conversation on the phone, where you actually hear each other's voice for the first time?

Or is it when you have been in communication for several months or years?

When is it considered a reunion?

If it starts at that first letter, then my reunion is going great. We have shared several letters since April 07 when I was found and now we are both waiting for the next step.

See I believe we are a successful reunion. We both want to get to know each other. We don't want to intrude upon each other's lives. Or to hurt or disturb other family members. We just want to get to know each other. Ask each other questions, and maybe get some answers. She says she is happy with whatever she gets and I feel the same way.

I don't believe there are any real expectations on either side. I think we both feel that what happens, happens. This is a gift we have been given. A chance to get to meet and maybe get to know one another. I, for one, never expected to get this much. It has been a blessing.

So successful reunion? Or just not there yet? Not sure, but also not going to worry about it. I am going to go with the theory that "God does not give us anything He thinks we can't handle". I believe a successful relationship, no matter what kind, is taking things one day at a time. Oh yeah, and don't take anything for granted.

May all your lives reunions (and unions) be successful.

PS HAPPY THURSDAY EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!! :dance: :dance: :love: :love: :cheer: :cheer: :rockband: :rockband: :banana: :banana: [/FONT]

I think my reunion is sucessful so far. Why though? Well, partially because I have definately gotten a bit of the peace I've been seeking since relinquishment. I know how to reach him! I know what he looks like! We don't talk a lot now, but it feels like we're in it for the long haul and that feels very good to me.

To me, my son finding me was the best thing, ever. But it sooned turned to dismay because of his defense mechanisms that were on self destruct. I think my threads and journal reflect some of what I've been through. My counsellor kept saying that it was a successful reunion and she had a job convincing me, I can tell you. I would say that what has made it successful is that I did research. I had to know what the heck was going on. This lad loved me and wanted me in his life but he was sabotaging everything. So Nancy Verrier came to the rescue. The first book The Primal Wound nearly finished me off. But I was so determined to get to the root of what was going on in my son's head (as he didn't know) that I put my pain to one side to try and understand his. Finally, after 16 months of extremely hard work and emotional anguish, I made a break through. My son realised that I was not only toughing it out, but that I'd put enough strength his way for him to really notice it. I got an email that was so moving from him, that to share it would lessen the fact it is priceless. But in essence, it was saying "mom, you've got through to me". His life has changed since I"ve been on the scene and one day when I'd phoned him he was so down. His relationships with his aparents, friends etc was at an all time low. He felt he was abnormal. His adjectives to how he felt he didn't fit into his adoptive family were heartbreaking. Having read Coming Home To Self by Verrier, I said "no you're not abnormal, you are behaving perfectly normal in an abnormal situation". He wanted so much to change and so much to stop the anger, the drinking, the defenses that had overtaken him, the blowing people away - I told him - "I now know what is going on and things are going to change for you". He emailed me several hours later to say that he now knew that I would never hurt him, that the strength I'd shown towards him had amazed him. Expressions of love that I never thought I would hear came my way and I realised that although a work in progress, our reunion was turned around - it was brilliant. The deep love we have for each other now, is a work in progress, but the toughest bit is done now. I've reached through all those defense mechanisms and now my son is firmly on the road ... to Self. To me, now I do believe my counsellor - it is a successful reunion.

When all the members of the triad are at peace with what ever the reunion turned out to be.

reunion success? For me just knowing she is alive, happy, and healthy would have been enough if that was all there was. Anything more is a gift.

Someone wrote that when the after part comes you want more.. That was not true for me.. I am content with what we have.. I have great peace of mine.. and all is well.. Jackie

I received an email from "R" last night -- he is flying out to see us and meet more of his family of origin. In his email he mentioned his "new expanded family." It felt really good to know that is how he perceives us -- as family -- because that is what he is to us. That feels like success. He also just told his amom that we found each other, and she is very excited to start corresponding with me. She encouraged and helped him to search for me since he was young ("R" is now 36 y/o). I feel that our reunion will be VERY successful if all members of the triad can embrace each other as one very large family, with all the differences and quirks that any large family has. Peace, Susan :flowergift: