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Out of the blue, my 7 1/2 year old son is suddenly worried about dying. Almost every night, while trying to fall asleep, he starts sobbing:
"I don't want to die!"
"I don't want you to die!"
"Daddy come in here! I don't want you to die!"
"Infinity is such a long time and I love being alive!"
"I want Blini (his fish) to rise from the dead like Jesus so I can see him again!"
He ususally calms down with some gentle reassurance from us. But today, in the middle of playing Legos, he started crying and said, "When you said let's go in the basement, it reminded me of dying!". Huh?!?!?
Anyway, have any of you experienced this with your sons? I think this preoccupation is coming from a couple places: 1) religious education talking about heaven, and 2) my insistance that he can't play violent, realistic, bloody "Teen" and "Mature" rated army games with friends (yes, most of the 8 yr olds in our neighborhood play these constantly).
Did I mention he's super-sensitive?!?!?
Thanks for your thoughts.
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Donna, my 6 year old went through that when he was 4. My Grandmother had just died and he was close to her. He was afraid everyone was going to die, including himself.Religion is very important, IMHO. However, one thing I think we need to try and learn to do is to teach on their level. Then again, when it's being done at church so many kids are at a different level that it is hard.I would say just keep reassuring him and if it continues, then I'd ask your pediatrician about it.I hope things settle down soon!
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I did a research paper on this in college. See if you can find some of Elizabeth Kubler Ross' books---On Death & Dying is probably her most well known work. She was at the forefront of research on death and how people handle it (you've probably heard her theory on the 5 stages of grief) Some of her research centered specifically on how children cope with death, how they begin to understand the concept, etc. Might help you in talking with him about it.
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One of my 8yo boys has a similar preoccupation right now. It began early this summer and thankfully has begun to settle down. He is now talking about death in a more positive light. When we visited a cemetary this summer, he became quite concerned that I was going to die while he was a child. I explained to him that most mommies live to see their children grow up and become adults.
Sam
Hi friends,
Just a quick update...or our dog will freeze on the back porch and we'll REALLY have a crisis on our hands.
H is doing better, but I think 7 1/2 going on 8 is an extremely emotional age. He hasn't been so focused on death as he was earlier, but it seems that everything is a potentially explosive event to him. If we ask him to come home for dinner, he has a meltdown. If it is time to do homework, he has a meltdown. If it's Wednesday and he needs to go to Religious Ed after school, he has a meltdown. But it seems that once he gets it out of his system, he's fine and back to his sweet self.
On his way out the door yesterday, he passed the rock that marks his fish's "grave", knelt down next to it, said a few words, kissed his fingers and pressed them to the rock. Oh boy.
Thanks for asking...and thanks for the fishie gift, Ani!
Donna