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I was just wondering if any of you had challenges when your sibling came home. My biggest challenge was that we didn't have much time to prepare our oldest son that he would be having a little sister or little brother. We had thought we would have months to talk about, prepare and read books about adding a brother or sister to our family. We only had 3 weeks. My oldest son was the one and only for 4 years. This made it a little more difficult for him(and I). We all had to learn that time was divided between them both now. Dh and I did and still do make sure that we both have one on one time with both boys and we also have many family time together.
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We have had lots of "additions" over the last three years, and lots of adjustments. Our bio son was an only child till he was 8 1/2 years old. But he was really ready to have siblings, and very excited about it. Adjusting to having a little brother was not that easy, especially a 5 yr old with lots of issues. The next year we added a 9 year old girl. Again, with lots of problems. This was harder for younger boy to deal with than older one. And now, another year later we have added yet another.
It hasnn't been easy, and each addition has made all new challenges.
The hardest thing has been for the older ones to find the balance between mentoring younger sibs and just plain being bossy.
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The hardest thing has been for the older ones to find the balance between mentoring younger sibs and just plain being bossy
There was almost 11 years between our bio and our first adopted child...I don't recall anything that he acted out on...he loves his little brother and sister even though there is 16 years between him and his sister. He has always been very over protective of them. Yes...we go through the bossy vs. mentoring thing too but I think we would go through this even if they were all bio children. Adoption isn't a big deal in our house. The only thing is there is definitely a difference in their stages in life...more so now that my oldest is 20 and living out of the house. One is out of school for 2 years...one is in the 4th grade and the youngest is in preschool. I'm the one with the adjustments to make...don't know which end I have up some days!!! Yet I wouldn't trade it for the world or a soak in the bubble bath without an audience!!! LOL
Our daughter was an only child for over 10yrs. She was right there with us threw the whole processes of trying to get approved. She couldn't wait to get a little brother or sister. When T came for his visit trip A was very upset. She said she didn't know it would be so hard to share us. We were afriad she would never like her new brother. When we had to take him back to his foster home A cried the whole way home (almost 3hrs) and when we got home she went to his room and sat on his bed and completely lost it.:hissy: They are very attached to each other. She will pick playing with him over playing video games.:eek:
Not there yet. But- when we bring home our baby my dd will be 8. She is really excited about being a big sister, and has been for years now. Hoestly , she has been on this roller coaster with us. She still talks about mommy getting shots in her butt to have a baby! She also talks about her little brither that went away. (mother decided to parent after he was home with us 3 days). Then there is China, and are current domestic match. This has been rough on her too. But- there has been really no way to shield her from any of it. Life long lessons I guess.
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Tina....what is so amazing is that she is still excited to be a big sister. I am sorry for all that you and your family have gone thru so far but I am happy to see that you are still postive about the end....bringing home a baby. Your daughter will always remember the ups and downs but what she will remember the most is that you remained positive and never gave up. Wishing you a short wait and keep us posted how all goes.
Okay, here is my latest challenge with adding to our family: Getting the room juggling right! We moved to this home a year ago and it was perfect. Each child had their own room, plus there was a huge playroom.
Then we go and mess things up by deciding we wanted another girl! When we got our placement she turned out to be 7 years younger than our existing daughter. That is too much of an age span to share a room. So, I creatively split the play-room into two spaces, separated by furniture. Each boys side was decorated to his taste. The girls each had thier own room, and the fourth bedroom became the TV room. It took me over a week to paint the playroom and convert what was J's African Savanah bedroom into C's Princess bedroom and paint the TV room a muted tone.
Now, a month and a half later I have to admit that this is not working. Due to E's difficulties the boys just cannot share a space, even when it is divided. J has to walk through E's space to get to his own. Half the time E throws a fit. So, now, here I am, repainting the TV room that used to be E's room back to the golden color he liks that goes with his spiderman stuff!
The space that was E's in the big room will now become the TV area. So, of course T (dd11) has to holler NO FAIR because the TV room is attached to J's bedroom. I finally told her anymore of her complaining about things not being fair and I would make the entire room J's. Then she would at least have grounds to complain.