Adoptive Parents and Depression

That is certainly the way I feel as well Jenna. If they were hidden from me at placement I would have been furious. If they were open and honest about their struggles and had a plan in place to deal with the depression then I would have no issue placing with them, as I have suffered from depression myself and realize that it can often be situational.

Interesting question Tara. I have to agree with both of you, that if it was something that came up post-placement then it's just one of those curveballs that adoption sometimes throws us. However, (again like you both said) if it was purposefully hidden that's completely unacceptable! Having said all that, if I found out that DD's Mom was struggling with depression I would be very concerned, especially because DD is being raised by a single Mother. I realize there would be nothing that I can do, but it would concern me.

Honestly, having faced infertility personally - I think depression or a history of depression is likely an expectation in the adoption experience rather than abnormal. During our infertility struggle I was depressed - even saw a therapist and was medicated for a short time – infertility is a life altering and sometimes life shattering thing to deal with…it impacts people differently. I think that, untreated and ignored, depression can be dangerous…but as long as the person is seeking treatment for and dealing with their depression, I have to say, I have no issue with it at all.Since this thread isn’t about ‘mental illness’ – I don’t really have much more to offer on the topic…although, the topic of mental illness is one very close to my heart…and also one I don’t talk about on the forums…

Thank you for writing that, Brandy. That was what I was going to say -- it's pretty hard to struggle with infertility or have pregnancy losses, etc., and not be depressed (at least somewhat). Though I wasn't in treatment or medicated, I probably should have been, you know? The problem with these rules in int'l adoption as I see it is that they are only going to discourage people who NEED therapy or medication from not getting it/waiting, etc. Kind of sad, I think. Of course, for domestic adoption, I think that info is important for both sets of parents to have about each other. (Of course, the agencies want a parents to present themselves and Sam and Sally Sunshine so I doubt expecting parents ever find out about a lot of mental health stuff).

Brandy - I think this thread could include mental illness and I would encourage you to share if you feel safe to do so.

I just wanted to let everyone know that by asking this question it was in no way meant to judge anyone who had suffered from depression. I myself have struggled with it and anxiety for years - I just wondered how other birth/first parents felt.

I think of it along the same lines as wanting to know. Just like they get to know if I suffer from depression and what not I would want to know on their end as well. but then again I was told nothing.

Leigh - have your daughter's parents suffered from depresion/mental illness?

I heard some things but cannot be positive about it. Just a comment here and there type of thing. I am thinking it has to do with family members and not them directly.

I dont know that I'd feel that bad about it. There are literally millions of people in the UK taking some form of antidepressant and there are many types that the GP is happy to dish out. My GP kept offering me antidepressants and it took me five years of trying to convince him that I had M.E. (Chronic fatigue syndrome) - in the end, another GP offered to arrange blood tests and once these were confirmed as ok, then I was sent to hospital and they said I had M.E. Only took about 15 years of struggling, but you know, antidepressants are very hard to get off and GP's don't seem that adept at getting people off them, it seems to be the answer to everything, so no, I wouldn't feel too bad one way or the other as to whether the aparents were on them or not. Life is so stressful and disappointing, particularly if you are an adoptive couple trying to cope with so much pressure. Perhaps if the information was 'withheld' it would be more to do with being scared that one would come across as incompetent. Mental illness still has a huge stigma attached to it. I think I would be more concerned if there had been attempted suicide, that kind of thing or extreme unbalance of parenting, but how are you to know? My son is on antidepressants and I'm surprised that his amom is NOT, as he has challenged the family unit something shocking with his overdrinking, and hard drug taking. So I guess it can work both ways.

Boy, this is a tough subject. Having grown up with a mother who was prone to recurring epidoses of severe depression, mostly untreated, I have to say that it can cause a lot of damage to the child. Maybe the keyword here is untreated. My mom was unwilling or unable to obtain help from professionals. There was a lot of sadness and anger, which spilled over into physical and verbal abuse when I was little. And when I was older (starting around 8 years old), I always felt like I had to take care of her. And I always walked on eggshells ~ and still do, to some degree. So, to be honest, I would not have wanted my son to go to a home where there was any history of untreated depression. However, if the PAP was open and honest about his or her history of depression and, more importantly, had obtained effective treatment for it, then I wouldn't have any objections. I really think I would have handled it on a case-by-case basis, preferably talking in person with the PAPs. By the way, I think the new rules on international adoptions and the use of antidepressants are totally unfair. People should not be penalized for seeking any type of mental-health treatment, whether that be psychotherapy or medication. I think that clinical depression still has a tad of social stigma associated with it. I do have a bit of personal experience on this topic. I was contacted by the post-adoptions caseworker when my son was around 13 years old. He had been hospitalized for depression, and his aparents wanted to know if I had any history of depression. I was very open with them about my own experience of the disease. (I had a couple severe episodes in my early 20s, a few years after his birth.) So I guess depression can really have a biological and/or genetic basis. However, his adad also suffers from recurrent clinical depression and has been hospitalized many times over the years. So, I guess DS got a double whammy from both nature and nurture... :arrow: As a side note, I would be curious to find out how many potential adoptive parents would turn down a baby whose birth mother's medical history includes severe depression.

If we would have been asked this question prior to our boys' adoptions, we probably would have said no - partly out of fear of the unknown, and partly because of lack of knowledge and immaturity on our part. If we were given the opportunity to adopt a child today whose bfamilies had history of it, we would have no problems. Our son's bfamily suffers from severe depression - his bmom is severely depressed, her dad suffers from severe depression, and so did her dad's brothers and sisters (I think 3 out of 7 committed suicide). None of this was disclosed at the time of our son's birth - in fact, we just found out about this and he is 4. We were pretty disappointed that they purposely chose not to disclose this info because our son has had emotional/sensitivity problems since birth, and I think this knowledge would have really been beneficial to us, if only to rule things out. We were further disappointed that it took them 4 years to say anything. However, the way we look at it, had we known from the beginning, we may have decided against the placement and I can't even imagine what our life would be like without our little guy... Boy, wisdom certainly does come with age (at least for me...lol)

Thanks for that question Raven - I would be interested in hearing the answers. I would encourage adoptive parents to answer this questions honestly and respectfully. I come from a family with a huge history of depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia so I'm really intersted in the anwers.

dd's birth mom listed in her med history that she had been treated for depression ....she was on a/ds for the first trimester.... i used to do advocacy work for mentally ill people and frankly i think depression can be both genetic and/or situational....i am glad that i know this history for dd's sake.... i am from a line of irish catholics that never would see a psychiatrist (but of course will ''self medicate'').... i think it's sad that there is still such a stigma against mental illness and treatment for it...

I've sent you a PM. Sincerely Janny