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We've been looking into Ethiopia for adoption, but I just read somewhere that there are more African American babies in the US than they can find families for. Is this true?
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I get perplexed also when someone says they can adopt a cc/aa child but not full AA child. What does full AA mean anyway, when you consider that the majority of AA's have some form or fashion of mixed blood? Does full AA imply ethnic features?? I will say that I truly can understand wanting to have a racial connection to your child. That only makes sense and is the natural order of things. What I don't understand though is ones idea that a cc/aa child is more acceptable because they are at least half white, but a full AA child is not because they are not half white. That's almost like saying the half black part of the biracial child will not count or be ignored. But I wonder if in that, one fails to realize that your biracial child will still be viewed by this world in which we live as a black person. Yeah others may like their "look". But they will still have all of the trials and tribulations of that full AA that you didn't want to adopt. And let's be real here...if one's motivation for not wanting to adopt a full AA child has anything at all to do with racism, what difference does it make if the child is half black. A racist attitude will not spill over to the child if they are biracial? Hmm I find that hard to believe. Just my opinion folks and some food for thought....no bashing of anyone and their decisions here.
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Crogers...sorry I posted before I saw your post which I think brought up very good points. If a family has truly thought about what they can handle and has decided that adopting outside of their race is not right for them, I'm all for that. I really think that type of honesty is in the best interest of everyone involved. I think what becomes confusing for some of us is when families say they cannot handle adopting a full AA child, but can handle a biracial child. When both children will come with the same if not closely similiar issues. How can one handle raising the one child and not the other? If someone could shed some light on that, I would be truly grateful
KarynB
"Able to pass as Hispanic" - yeesh, who is writing this stuff? That is really terrible...
Where are the social workers who are working with the PAP's to screen them out of transracial adoptive situations? Who is approving their homestudies? Why would anybody want a baby to PASS as hispanic? What a messed up world we live in...
I have adopted from the foster care system and this is clearly written to appeal to CC families.
I would lodge a complaint due to it's format. It's one thing to describe a child physically which is a requirement.... but that part about child passing for Hispanic or biracial is completely wrong and unacceptable. If they don't know the race of the child they have no business saying "could pass for..."
Here's the deal on the write-ups... Usually when you get something like that the state is expecting you to make a decision on the write-up only. People tend to get confused when they see a smiling face in front of them and disregard the special needs a child may have. So some agencies have gotten slick and have figured out how to intice people to say yes without a picture in front of them.
sunsetsky
What do you all think of how these children are being described to preadoptive families? As a AA women, I felt uneasy. Especially with the "A can pass for biracial or hispanic" comment. I am being considered for these children. I appear to be biracial because my ancestors are from an African country that was heavily populated by slave masters and west african women, which changed the whole make-up of the African people to the point that most of us appear to carry more traits of our white slave masters than our African foreparents. I am not proud of this. In fact, it can be shameful to carry this burden. I am okay with now. Not all biracial children have it easy so don't think it easier to raise them. We seem to have to live a double life. Too hard to explain but most AA can relate, I think.
C Biracial AA/ Caucasian or other Legal Risk
C came into care June 2007 with twin brother B. Children were born @ 32 2/7 week gestation. Current foster mother reports that C is a very observant and sometimes can be serious. She states that A looks Hispanic, but they are unsure of her race. Foster mother states that C requires a lot of attention and is a colicky baby, but believes she will grow out of it.
B - Biracial AA/ Caucasian or other
Legal Risk
B is C fraternal twin brother. He also came into care in June 2007. Bs was also born @ 32 2/7 weeks gestation. B has more medical issues then his sister. She states that he smiles around the clock and loves to laugh. She reports that he is a good eater, but doesnt sleep well due to his medical conditions.
Biracial AA/Caucasian or other
Legal Risk
A came into care due to sever neglect by birth mom. A is placed in a separate foster home then her twin siblings. Foster mother states that A has a good disposition, but can tantrum sometimes, and seeks a lot of attention. Foster mother states that A is light skinned with Kinky hair and can pass as bi racial or Hispanic. She is attached to her current care givers, but they believe that she will be able to bond and attach to another family. Foster mother reports that A has no medical issues at this time. She sleeps well through the night and is semi potty trained.
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CJ - I have to say - what you said is sort of proving the point of what we (as parents of black children) are trying to say - why the heck do you feel we need a special "threshold" to raise black children? So if your "tolerance" is only part way you can "accept" a biracial child, but if you have reached a certain "threshold" you can parent a black child? As a soon-to-be parent of a Guatemalan child, how do you think the Guat Embassy would react if you said you would take a half-Guatemalan child but you weren't quite ready for a full one yet?
I just want to make this clear to everyone - in no way whatsoever do I feel like I am above anyone for "rising to parent" a black child, in no way have I evolved past anyone else. I am the lucky one. Lucky to have our family touched by the beauty of the South African Zulu culture, and by our beautiful black baby boys. We choose SA because we love the country period. No faster wait times, no cheaper fees. I feel sorry for everyone who says they aren't "quite ready to accept a full black child" - what a loss for you.
sunsetsky - I guess in terms of screening iI was just thinking the state or social workers would screen out PAP's who were only open to children who "could pass" as hispanic...and steer them towards a placement they are more "comfortable" with - for the sake of the child.
Karynb, great post. I feel the same way.
I too am curious CJ, what the difference is between being able to handle a biracial child but not an AA child?
Maybe if I can understand it better I would not be so angry.
If it is not about being racist (not wanting a dark skinned child, not wanting your child to have course hair or strong AA facial features) than what is it about being better abled to raise a biracial child as opposed to full AA?
Do you understand that your biracial child COULD look full AA. And WILL look AA nomatter what skin tone or hair texture?
So what does genes have to do with anything when people on the outside will see your child as being AA.
They really won't care about the genetic make up. Unless your child wears a shirt everyday saying "I'm biracial" how will people know?
What makes raising a biracial child easier/better than raising a full AA child?
I would really honestly love to know this.
Thanks!
Karyn thanks for the answer. I think this issue is so deep rooted in American history that it would be hard to expect everyone to get it. Years ago CC people deemed biracial children better than Full AA children by rewarding them with better chores etc selling for higher profit. We as American people, bought into this and judging by pop culture many still too. I just want to say that that it not easier to raise a biracial or biracial-looking child. I am living proof. I am from the (West African Country)Cape Verde Island, I am a woman with light skin and kinky hair. I suffered from both whites and black children's cruel jokes. As a teen and young adult has physical appearance was favored and I became popular but the emotional bruises were still there. It wasn't until later in life that I embrace my African nappy hair, thick lips and high forehead that I appreciate my appearance. ALSO as a mature adult I realized it was okay to like my light complexion without thinking I was better than someone else. Identity to AA children is a very sensitive subjects because of the lack of readily available role models. I don't think it is reality that you can help a child if you can't accept all of them. What are you going to do when the children are calling your child a zebra? As a child I didn't understand and I didn't tell my parents. I felt different and I accepted it.
It is a terrible way to grow up being taunted. I do want to add this, identity issues are based on the enviornment. My grandmother had a lot of issues because she compared her very wavy hair with her sister's straight hair. My mil had real nice, rich dark skin, stayed smooth until her last day on this earth at 80.. she had a complex. Being very dark with/without thick lips, and kinky hair got a lot of flack as well. I remember seeing kids get taunted for being on the extremes of the spectrum. It seems to hit a bit deeper IMO.. just sad.
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Nickchris - I think being in the environment leads people to be able to survive. If the child is taken out of an environment where there may be that light complexed woman or the woman with the big J-5 fro it can be tragic. I remember adults (strangers) encouraging me to keep my head up. What would happen if that if not available to them when the cry because their hair won't grow or their nose is too big. The physical characteristics are for the parents comfort level. It isn't going to help the child while they are young. I think these child need AA role models neighbors, teachers, lunch ladies etc. It can be lonely for that child. The children left me with bruises not wounds because of my environment. I think...
True it can be a matter of survival, but support really really helps. As Dh says it can make you or break you, the ones who make it are true survivors. I just know I was glad to be medium tone.. lol a portion of my childhood was in the city where the children were well, expressing what they learned: names such as xyz yellow, or black as xyz, but being surrounded by a lot of folks who looked like me was also a good balance. I had a step grandfather who made me feel like the best thing since sliced bread, parents and grandmother who doted on me. That balanced out the name calling. My mother is very light too, so I saw some of that merow!! .. it is a crabs in a barrel situation. I think that is why I speak a lot about our awareness as parents. Wait what is J-5 fro :-)
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Scary can be good... They can be scared then realize you are a marshmellow with a good brain (education) and wisdom (experience). A woman other day (India) told that she was afraid of black people especially males. My first reaction was to roll my eyes and say are you kidding me? I think Indians are way more scary but I held back.(check the news) I asked her why ... she thought we would rob her. We live in a very nice luxury apartment ... we are neighbors. Why do we need to rob her. I thought this is good because our children are playing trains together and may become friends. I swallowed my pride and was nice and answered her questions about why black people look so young etc. I thought I am not scary but you never know what people are thinking. Scary is Good! Violence is Bad!