Non religious adoption

My husband and I could pretty much be described as agnostic, however, when meeting with our social worker we had a good conversation about how we were both raised in Christian households, so many of our values stem from Christian beliefs, but we do not identify ourselves as Christians because we do not practice any religion whatsoever. We were matched with two different emoms, one who wanted a Christian family but we were "good enough" because she just wanted to know that we weren't some other religion that she didn't know about. The other had no opinion about religion at all. Neither of those situations worked out, but we openly explained our beliefs to both and neither were put off by it. We are currently matched with someone who has never once mentioned religion. I think there are all kinds of birthparents just like there are all kinds of adoptive families. I wouldn't stress about your religious preferences, but I would say that "atheist" does have a devil worshiping connotation where I am from. I remember not knowing what it really meant until I moved to a city for college. Ha, I love thinking of myself as an uneducated little country girl headed out to the big city again. Oh, the things I never knew!!

For what it's worth, we never got picked by an emom. We ended up getting picked because we had been waiting the longest and our kids' birthparents didn't want to choose a family. I'm still convinced our lack of religion had a role in it. We didn't mention religion at all on our profile but I'm sure most emoms were looking for religious people so we were not even shown.I would never have lied and pretended to be Christians just to get a match, personally. Even through the foster system. But I guess I would not have signed up with a religious agency either.

We were in the same position and adopting in the Bible Belt!!! We thought we were very clear in our profile book, but the first emom who chose us asked about our church habits and changed her mind about us because we don't attend one! We really think that not being religious kept many emoms from considering us. In the end, we waited two years and ten months for our son. It was long and frustrating, but he is totally worth the wait. His bmom checked off "none" for her religion on the agency form. My SIL has joked that we found the only nonreligious woman in our state. I'm sure it will happen eventually for you!!!

Hang in there! It will happen and it will feel like the child you have was always meant for you. We are Jewish and members of a synagogue but don't consider ourselves religious and according to the definition offered I am agnostic. It never occurred to me to put religion in our profile, but right after we finished it someone contacted us that we'd be perfect for an emom looking for a Catholic Hispanic family. Oops. When I informed her that we were neither, she got very angry accused me of deliberately trying to mislead emoms. She thought we should have included a picture of us standing next to the menorah, like anyone does that? FWIW, we matched very quickly with our daughter and while we've never met her bmom, the rest of bmoms family is thrilled we're Jewish. Best,

So, I see from your signature that this is your second adoption, right? It's not unusual for second adoptions to take longer, as many expectant parents want their child to be your first or only. Waits are generally longer - in the two to three year range. Networking helps some with that. I do not think that having an association with a particular faith makes it more likely that you will complete a second adoption, unless the agency you're working with is faith based. Expectant parents are as diverse in their religious and spiritual views as adoptive parents. We're spiritual but attend no church. Our son's first parents - Wiccans. We accepted them, they accepted us. Hang in. Regina

So, I see from your signature that this is your second adoption, right? It's not unusual for second adoptions to take longer, as many expectant parents want their child to be your first or only. Waits are generally longer - in the two to three year range. Networking helps some with that. I do not think that having an association with a particular faith makes it more likely that you will complete a second adoption, unless the agency you're working with is faith based. Expectant parents are as diverse in their religious and spiritual views as adoptive parents. You will connect with someone who wants their child to be the youngest, wants a big family, doesn't care about religious beliefs, etc. Hang in. Regina

Unfortunately, we live on the buckle of the bible belt. Pat Roberson land big-time. I tried going through the DSS, but they insisted we foster instead. All other agencies around here are religious, so Bethany was who we went with based on some great reviews of their local office. We were both raised Christian, so we aren't that far from the truth and we don't want a baby, so we don't need a birthmom to choose us. We just want to find a 5-9 year old girl to love without being judged for not believing in a god or for telling a small lie to make it happen, which is how I feel now that I've confided here. :(

Lying to have a better chance to get a child is still lying, regardless of how you chose to justify it. It doesn't matter if the lie is that I want an open adoption when I have no intenions of having an open adoption, pretending to be Catholic when I am Jewish, pretending to be single when I am in a gay relationship, etc. The judgement being made isn't about a belief in God, but about lying to have a better chance of getting a child. It's wrong.

I am Jewish and adopted from what the agency described upfront as a Bible-belt area. My son's bparents are Christian, and they were fine with my religion. I know there were some emoms who I wasn't shown to because of religion, but there are always going to be emoms whose criteria someone doesn't fit. I did mention religion in my profile book, because it is an important part of my life. I didn't mention sexual orientation (I am somewhat ambivalent, and since I am single it didn't seem to apply). I don't feel that I was dishonest about that, but I do feel that it would have been dishonest to present myself as straight, gay, whatever, when that is not true. I think that not talking about something that isn't important to you is reasonable, since talking about it gives it importance. In my mind, that would be more dishonest. i do think that in any way misrepresenting - either by lying or by shading the truth - is wrong.

Why am I the one that gets jumped on here? I'm not the only one. Clearly, I was wrong to assume this site had open arms & understanding folks in the same position as me. Thanks for everything. Bye.

Larissa,We were in Pat Robertson territory as well - Norfolk, VA to be exact. We used Shore Adoption Services, a non-denominational agency. They were wonderful. HTH,Regina

I know Fran has long since adopted (and has chimed in on the new discussion in this thread) but I wanted to chime in with my own experience. Our agency is not Christian-affiliated; in fact the agency's founder is Jewish. Religion was not a big deal. We didn't mention it at all in our profile because we didn't quite know how to deal with explaining it, so we figured we would leave it out & if an expectant mother who was considering us had questions we would answer them on an individual basis. We did have some photos of our families at Christmas & whatnot, because we celebrate it more as a cultural/tradition sort of holiday. J&A's mother has told me that one of the reasons she chose us was that we didn't mention religion at all in our profile; she said some of the others she looked at went on at length about it & that since she isn't a fan of organized religion that made her uncomfortable. I know a lot of people have the idea that being nonreligious/nonbeliever will mean you're waiting forever - and I imagine in some places that's probably more the case than in others (we are in a mid-sized city in the northeastern US) - it is also very possible that your nonbelief might be the very thing that makes someone choose you. :)

I see a lot of people saying they didn't mention religion in their profiles. We were required to in ours, even though it wasn't a religious agency. Some parts of the country are so religious that you cannot get away with being vague :(

We are so not religious and made sure our profile conveyed that and our liberal political views. Heck, I put that my favorite TV show is the Rachel Maddow show. I wanted to make sure that birth parents knew what they were getting into.You can see by my timeline how quickly our process went. Our birth family specifically did not want their child to be raised in a religious household. Seriously, just be yourself! (And I really appreciate this topic because it feels like adoption is SOOO religious-ized.)I should say that I think the reason that adoption is so religious-ized is the whole abortion issue... which is a whole 'nother ball of wax. I am glad that there are a number of options for an expectant woman to choose, not just one.

I became terribly paranoid last week when a paralegal at our lawfirm that represents us for our adoption, told us it would take longer to adopt due to our religion. Very depressed and wished that I had known this sooner. We left out on vacation this week to find out we had been selected as the AP for a baby boy. The EMom didn't care about religion at all. We were open to some drug usage after alot of research and I finally got my husband opened to mixed race child instead of straight Caucasian. Our baby boy is 3/4 Caucasian and 1/4 Hispanic, drug use before PG was known. I hope that you are able to find this same type of situation. Seems like an awful long time of waiting. ((((HUGS)))