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Hi Friends, There are some things I'd like to do; there are some changes I would like to make. But in the past I have been filed against so many times that I am afraid to make a move forward in my life. It has gotten to be almost a reflex action for me: Don't do this - make sure I do that - I am walking on eggshells and have been for a long time. I am so afraid of being filed against again that every little thing I do, every little change I make, makes me feel sick. I make sure we go to church, I have stayed at my same job, I have made sure my life looks picture perfect for fear of more motions being filed against us. I feel like my entire life is being run by a teenager. I do not feel free to change jobs, move, or make any other changes I would normally have made by now. And I so want to move forward. I need to change some things - but I am terrified. When my husband was overseas in Iraq I got bombarded with motions against me. We have made sure that every little thing we do is something which only makes our case stronger in court - whether it holds us back or not. Maybe this is partly holiday blues, maybe it is that there are some opportunities available now... Added to that is the fact (more prevalent now at Christmas) that I still can not really feel like my child's mother. I still feel like a babysitter. I love him, care for him, but do not feel safe enough to just feel like his Mom. Please don't misunderstand me - he is attached to me as his Mom, I do all the Mom "things", but there is always this lingering thought that things are not yet finalized and I have to correct myself daily when I think: "I am not his Mom." I think that. I hate that. And behind all of that is the underlying fear that this is NOT over - that the adoption is NOT final - that he COULD be taken away - I can't go on because my tears have taken over... Christie
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Christie,
As you know, I have been there. Not near what you have been through, but I get it - I do.
You ARE Mom, and no piece of paper could change that. Just ask your child! Mom is the role you fill, the care you give, and the love in your heart. Our children know that and do not care whether their adoption is finalized or not. They know who to run to, and who will be there.
Do not let this horrible nightmare ruin your holiday. Enjoy the spirit of the season and enjoy your child.
Stay strong - you ARE strong and you WILL get through this!
((((((HUGS)))))))
All I can suggest is live your life. Make decisions that will better you and your family.That is what GOD expects you to do.If you make a change that is no good for HIS glory then that is the one I would fear. I made a decision back when I was in my early 20's and had some people that were negatively effecting my life. I made a promise to myself that I would never allow anyone to make me feel that I had to live my life being unhappy. To this day I have not. I have went through normal little periods where I was unhappy but realized it was temporary and came through it. It was suggested that I should feel upset or sad because the Bfather in our case calls himself dad. I do not feel threatened by it because I know who I am and what I am about and after 9 yrs of being with me my DD knows it to so I do not understand why people would try and make me feel as though my daddyhood is in jeapordy. As parents we end up going through life making decisions that will improve the lives of our children.I for one will not allow anyone to judge me for it or stop me from doing it.NO ONE!! The Bfather in our case or the court system wants to take my child away because I have given her a good and bright future?? I say give it your best shot. because I feel if it is good it is good and if it is bad it is bad.I have nothing to worry about if I continue to improve the life of my child. Give yourself a Merry Christmas gift and follow your heart and GOD'S will and improve anything you feel the need to. GO FOR IT :cowboy: GOD BLESS
I want to move forward and stop saying, "What if?" What if I change jobs and can no longer say in court, "I have been a tenured instructor for 8 years and make good money?" We want to present a picture of absolute stability to the court and right now we have that: nice house we bought and remain in, same good job, good marriage, excellent school for our son, etc. Now that paints a pretty picture (particularly in regards to the birthmom). Even my DH said that neither one of us had better die or the other would lose our son for sure. Sad. daddysangel, you said "As parents we end up going through life making decisions that will improve the lives of our children" and I agree. But what if I make a change which results in more motions filed against us and/or we lose our child???? Then in that case his life is definitely not improved. **Therein lies my fear.** In fact, my son's life has certainly been negatively impacted by all the motions filed against us. I do not want to add to that. Even good things I have done have been twisted and used against us. (Even my husband fighting for our country.) lonni - you always have much wisdom to share. I have lost my faith. I have lost faith in many areas. I have been working to get it back but I'm not there. In part I am afraid to hope or have faith because when I do get some back it is inevitably bashed. Thank you billysmommy, MomwithFive, and lonni for the hugs. Even cyber hugs are wonderful to get. I wish I could share with you all what opportunities have been presented to me - but I don't trust the forum enough to do so. All opportunities come with a price and I just want to make sure my son is not the one to pay that price. If only... if only... if only... I could just move forward and make the best changes for my family - and have my decisions based on LIFE and not on fear of loss or punishment. If only...
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