Advertisements
Hello all,
I'm reading about so many "failed placements" and was wondering if this had anything to do with whether the match was made through a facilitator/networking agency, or through a traditional adoption agency. My sense is that the agency would provide counseling and support to the emoms, and would be able to somewhat determine whether an emom is likely to make an adoption plan or not. A facilitator might not be able to provide such support? Is this accurate?
Thank you.
Like
Share
While I'm firmly convinced that counseling is the very best thing a potential birthparent can have, I'm not sure the line can be drawn definitely between agencies and facilitators. Our failed placement (9/00) was with an agency. Granted, the mom in question hadn't had any contact with the agency or any counseling. In fact, she kept the pregnancy a secret from everyone (including the father) except her college roommate.
I would guess that the risk of a failed placement would be higher with someone who didn't get any counseling, but I'm sure facilitators make counseling available, as well as agencies.
Advertisements
All three of our failed matches/placements were through an agency. Even when the bmom is getting counseling and social services....and EVERYONE thinks that it is a very solid plan, it still comes down to what the birthmother decides......So even though you think you know....and the plan seems solid....You just have to remember that it is never 100%.....
It is a hard road to travel. Hard to let go and give up "control" of the situation.
This is so worrying. I guess we were comforting ourselves by thinking that there will be much counseling done by our agency, so the chance of a match or placement falling through will be much reduced. I guess I can see what you're saying - no expectant mother can know how she will feel upon seeing that child, so all preceding plans may go out the window. I wish there was a way to protect one's emotions from all that hurt. It must be terrible to go through one failed match, let alone three...
This board is great....because you can get support and ask questions and hear of other's experiences.
Don't let my journey "scare" you......this is my journey and yours may be nothing like ours. I just think some good advice that I can share from what we have been through is if/when you are matched....let yourself be excited, let yourself be happy, it is ok.....but also to have a little part of you that is guarded, just to know that when the time is right....the pieces will all fall into place. Adoption is definately not for the faint of heart......from any side of the process....birthparents or adoptive parents. I still struggle every day and tell myself to STOP comparing my life to what they have. To look at what I do have, and what I want will eventually fall into place.
I that your journey is filled with blessings and that your wait is not too long.
Advertisements