So, Did You Feel an "Emotional Attachment" to Your Child?

THis whole thread has been so enlightening to me. I believe that even if it seems unseen, that a child will/does grieve the loss of their first relationship, that of their first mother. How could you not bond with your child? That seems ludricrous. Your whole life (I am assuming, having never experienced pregnancy to term before) and body has to do with nurturing your child, whether it is hard or not. I can't say that I have necessarily seen grieving to this point in my own children, but I believe it to be true nonetheless. If nothing else, I am prepared to let them grieve and try to help them understand when it does happen. I do believe I am already seeing Bug express something that seems to be instinctive (I'm not explaining this very well... I've written and re-written this...) in that she asks lots about her first mother, even though we have had no contact in over two years, and not since she has become more aware and able to talk about how she came to our family. I think it is undeniable that there is an emotional bond between mother and child before and after birth. (((Jenna))) I'm sorry someone said this. It just leaves me so perplexed that those who have not had the experience that you and others have had in your lives, would make these kind of statements.

ok. sorry, I knew that my post would come out sounding all wrong...this is why I don't post anymore. To me it always seems difficult to get my point across, everyone can read something totally different than what was intended. If you are referring to my post, I didn't mean that you didn't feel a connection, what I was trying to say was that we don't all feel the same necessarily. That you should stick with what you felt. Again, sorry if you took it to mean I was saying you didn't.

(((tara))) I just went back and read what you wrote, and I so relate to it, because I did not cry when DD was born either, and that always nagged me. Because I was SOOOO sad and scared and I loved her. I think I was just too overwhelmed to cry , KWIM? I get it too. (((HUGS)))

Thanks Brown. I feel such guilt about it.

For what it's worth, I didn't cry either. I was in such a practical "here's what has to happen" mode that I never gave in to that moment and really just lived it, you know?(((hugs)))

It's been good reading these posts. I hope with all my heart that there is an emotional connection between Finleigh and I as she grows up. I love her so terribly much. I have always loved her, even when I first found out I was pregnant and was freaking out. I will always love her. It's ridiculous to assume there is no emotional connection between a birthmother and her child.

I agree. On a side note, that is exactly what Juno portrays. An emotional disconnect between mother and child. It is stereotypical thought, after all how could a mother who truly loves and is attached to her baby be separated from he/she? We must not feel anything. If people were to face the truth, that separation is traumatizing and caused deep grieving, than they would have to acknowledge that adoption causes loss and pain. It isn't this win-win-win situation that promoters would like people to believe. I wish there were more honesty in adoption.

I totally felt a connection to kiddo. I sang and read to him while I was pregnant and when he was born.... I couldn't believe that the little miracle that he was, was mine and something that I had created. I still feel that connection. Maybe partly because I know that my first mom has a disconnect from me so I hang on as tightly as I can to my connection to kiddo. I don't know.

You'd only need to spend about a minute with my daughter and I to see that we do indeed have an emotional connection....and it goes both ways. It is completely ridiculous to suggest otherwise.

From an adoptees perspective (which is the same as what my bmom would share as well) My bmom and I have a huge connection even after being apart for 37 years. There is no doubt about it, it was there the minute I first heard her voice. I have never truly bonded/connected with anyone my whole life and from the first phone call I had the bond I NEEDED my whole life. It is amazing and overwheliming but I wouldn't trade it for the world! I am a true believer!

loveis; I just got chills reading your reply. While I know it's not the case for all adoptees and birth mothers from the closed era, it still gives me chills to know that the bond CAN exist after such a long time apart. Good chills, of course. :)

I just saw Juno and I felt like they minimized her connection and attachment to the babe, but did address it a little bit during the hospital scene. I've seen that scene (and lived it) in almost every adoption I've been a part of. (I'm a birthmom and work with expectant moms-some of whom are planning adoptions.)

Like most others have already said, yes, I felt and still feel a strong bond/connection and "emotional attachment" to both my girls.If you've read my story, you've read about my bond/emotional attachment to both of them, which I still have, of course.Some thing that may seem small to others is that right after I placed both my girls and would be missing them and wondering where they were ( I didn't know yet...we just recently got more open with exchanging names/addresses etc.)...I felt myself/my thoughts/my heart drawn to thinking of/or driving to a city where they might be and both times...it was the exact city that they do live in. I drove through the areas and right past those two cities many times before I knew for sure and always felt the closest to them and like I knew they were in that area and that city when I drove by those cities.So, yeah, of course there's an emotional attachment and a bond between us :).

I did not feel an emotional conection with my placed child, but then I did not feel an emotional conection to my parented child. I thought I was a freak when I had Ben and I didn't love him. He was this little baby who didn't do anything except eat and sleep and poop, and by the time he started to get interesting, I was so far into post partum depression that I never got a chance to bond with him, He was just always there. I think that was one of the main reasons I placed Kale for adoption I thought I was horrible because I didn't love my child. After I had Kale and placed him, again with no emotional conection I thought I had done the right thing because I wasn't good enough for either of them. But after Kale was born my hormones balanced themselves and I came out of the fog and realized that I loved both of them so much. Ben and I are getting that conection that people enjoy from birth and Kale and I are getting our conection as well Well short answer now no I did not feel emotionally conected to either of my children when they were born but that was due to post partum depression. Sorry for the long post

MomtoBen - thank you so much for sharing your struggle with ppd. I think it's important to remember that ppd can affect a mother's bonding to her child. :)