I want to give up my child but have concerns.

If you are considering adoption and your family and friends are supportive, you may want to network on your own to find people you trust. When my husband's secretary found out her sister was pregnant and didn't want to parent, she suggested that we might be the people she would be comfortable placing her child with. We met her and we all bonded instantly. TJ's bmom was comfortable with us since her sister had known us for years and ours would be an ongoing relationship. Although we have a semi-open adoption (pics and email updates) TJ sees his bioaunt all the time so the family is always reassured that he is happy and healthy. I just know it is a source of comfort for his bmom.

I don't think anyone but the person going thru the experience will know what they will and will not want. There are a number of women who place and are perfectly at peace with that decision. While I am not happy with the parents my daughter ultimately ended up with, I very much believe I made the right decision when I chose to place my daughter for adoption. The bottom line, providing information so a woman can make an informed decision is the only way to ensure that a woman is not coerced into placing or parentingand yes, both things DO happen. As for finding the őright parents Җ to be totally honest with youitŒs a crap shoot. There are just as many bad adoptive parents as there are biological parents(percentage wise) and there is no guarantee, regardless of what a homestudy, social worker or person saysŅthings change Mental illness that occurs later in life. Divorce Mid-Life Crisis that results in a total change in stability for the family And yes, complete and total fabrication of who the couple really is, during the home study process (it happensŅIve seen it (and been subjected to it)). While all of those things above are scary and may freak you out Җ I think that, over all, the incidence of those things (divorce, mid-life crisis and mental illness) are the same (per-capita) that youd see in biological families҅ The saying is trueyou canŒt pick your parents Which makes it really hard Ŗ when youre trying to pick your childҒs parents. My advice, do your research. Watch for warning signs. Keep an eye out for red flags. Do whatever you need to do to make you comfortable. If I had it to do over again, I might have requested more in depth research into the mothers mental health background. I might have asked to see a copy of both of their resumes, to see what their job stability looked like. Most of all, I think I would have been more in tuneђ with the things going on around meI think if I were, I might have been able to pick up on the little things that, now, seem so freakin obvious. In adoption, you canŒt promise your child the perfect lifeyou can just promise them a different one than they would have had with you.

The problem I have with the whole "choosing adoption is a selfless act'" line of thinking is that it implies that choosing to parent is selfish. Choosing to parent might be the best thing for your baby. Parenting requires a lifetime of selfless acts. As a parent, you are always putting your child's needs first. Please note I said needs not wants. Children need love, attention, guidance and someone they can look up to. They need food, shelter and clothing. Anything else is extras. You may have all you need for your baby to thrive.

Thank you for again, relegating all of our Motherhood to an unbiased, non-judgmental and 'realistic on terms' place it should be.:thanks:

Hi, i am a birth mother of a daughter whom I released for adoption through a wonderful agency in South Bend, IN just over 18 years ago. No fees to the birth mother and they allow you to view family profiles that are extremely extensive and they screen all potential adoptive parents very well, and for a long period of time! I was 16 at the time of my daughters birth and although I was scared and confused about many things, iI still to this day never regret what choice I made! She has had opportunities that I could never have offered her, and is healthy,and well established from what I know. Let your brain and heart make the decisions together. I say this only because the heart sometimes will overcome the mind when such emotional decisions are needed to be made, and you will need both in order to know what is right for you and your child. Just know that you are not alone, you are not the first young girl to go through this and you won't be the last, but you CAN make a difference in the life of your own child and your own future as well.