We're in our 30s with no parenting experience and wish to foster. Your thoughts?

Hi just wanted to lend support.. DH and I are in 30's no bio kids and started fostering in 2012 and while it can be demanding it def is rewarding !! I would stick to little ones though if you can however they do tend to be ill quite a bit so hopefully you have a sympathetic job. At any rate, good luck on your journey and feel free to PM if you have any questions!

I see people who have never had bios attribute a lot of the struggles that the foster kiddos have to drugs or the home environment that may not have anything to do with that, so try not to blame everything on their past. I have bios with some of the same things I see attributed to drug exposure such as learning difficulties and sensory issues, and my kids have never been exposed to drugs, and I have had 2 glasses of wine in my whole life (not while pregnant) for goodness sake lol. Much of those issue are hereditary. The big things are having a love for kids and a heart to help them adjust to your home and their new normal until they make it home or on to a forever home. It is a wild ride, but so worth it to see the kiddos happy and thriving!

Welcome!! My husband has a bio but I do not and we've just begun our journey. Lots of paperwork... But very exciting!

It's like seeing myself! DH and I started when I was 29(?) and he was 28. I am now 31 and he 30. No bio kids. Process was easy, they will want to know why you want to (make sure you arent baby crazy enough to sabotage a reunification type thing) but they really need foster parents that don't expect to straight adopt all the time. Do it!

Thank you so much for the replies I've gotten so far. I'm glad to hear that there are other people in our shoes who will be able to give advice and support! If you guys who have started the journey feel like it, feel free to tell me what it's been like so far (the process of getting licensed, and/or the process of jumping into parenthood). Mamamoo please don't apologize for being lengthy. For goodness sakes, more is better when it comes to information about a life decision this big! ;) We have friends with children and have spent quite a bit of time hanging out with them, but I think your suggestion to research child development is a good one. We plan to stick to babies and toddlers to start with since we feel ill-prepared to guide older children through behavioral problems having no experience parenting. Maybe down the road, if we enjoy fostering, as we gain parenting confidence, we'll accept older kids. Sassy75, my husband works outside the home, but I own a small home based business and my hours are 100% under my control, so fortunately I'll be very available to any kiddos placed with us!!

Sounds like a great plan! We have 3 kids already so not the same experience for us. Starting out with littles will be great for you! Wishing you guys well on your foster journey.

depends on how you look at it and whether you let it become an obstacle. We're therapeutic parents.we have no bios either and got turned down for numerous kids for "lack of experience", came in 2nd twice and when we interviewed for the child we have now, one of the people asked how we felt about the lack of experience we had and the numerous challenges our Ms C has. We told them that was an advantage, not a disadvantage, that we'd have no preconceived notions, that we'd be more likely to use our training instead of "what worked for some other kid" and our lack of experience is precisely what would make us the perfect parents for our little girl. :eyebrows: She was 11 at the time and her sw told us several times, as did ours, that she was totally impressed with how natural parenting for attachment came to us. :banana:

I like peskies thoughts..be prepared, but don't overdo it.. As foster parents we sometimes over analyze things, normal behavior becomes a ' problem ', a child gagging on food is automatically sensory.. a child not speaking at age 2 is considered delayed, and needs therapy..etc etc I think ANY AGE is going to be a challenge, a change in your lifestyle, ( think baby proofing!!!), but as the child gets used to you, so will you get used to the new life:) Best wishes on this new journey!!

My hubby and I are in our 40s were newbies to parenthood as well. Our first placement is a sibling set under age of 2 and I truly thought I wasn't going to last through the first month. Its truly a lifestyle change. I truly suggest that you do some the following: -Have a support system in place. Yes, we jumped right in w/ 2 and I wouldn't have been able to do it w/out family and friends to help as well as provide advice. -Get to know other foster families in your area or agencies. -Agree on how roles you are going to take. Whose the primary focal contact for FFA/SW/Bios, daycare, etc. We discussed some but others roles were either designated or we figured it out along the way. -Take a vacation now. The day we had planned to go away was the day after our siblings came. We are planning our first vacation w/ the two of us only a yr after placement. The hardest was adjusting to the lifestyle change. I'm not a morning person but our two are. I would lay in my PJs til noon on the wkends but now we are out the house by 9am to do see the world. I'm not a finicky eater but of course I have two who will refuse to eat Mommy's cooking even w/ bribes. Parenthood is wonderful:)

Please Please Please read The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis before you do anything. Also check out website empoweredtoconnect.org Best and most important step you can make before starting this journey. Good luck.

Haveroommom, thanks so much for the book suggestion and the link, the videos are great. I had borrowed the book from the library then decided to purchase a personal copy so I could highlight and make notes. Good luck to all.

Faith_Ann,So glad you are finding it helpful. It is such important information for this unique population of kiddos. They have so many needs and how we respond to them is so crucial. I wish you many blessings in your journey.haveroommom

I just ordered the book from Amazon. Thanks.

That website is great. Looking forward to getting the book. We were also in our 30's with no actual parental experience. Although we have worked with youth all of our adult life. It is a challenge and you learn as you go. This board has been a great resource. Prayers for you as you begin the journey Pastor

We were 27 and 29 with no bios when our first FK came. Let me just say, starting out with a 16 year old, followed by a second 16 year old a few weeks later was not the smartest thing we ever did. The second kid quickly knew that our family was not a fit for him and moved on. At first I fought it but then came to realize he was right. The first kid stayed over 6 months. We learned a lot. Looking back we treated him as if he was us at 16. He wasn't and we shouldn't have. I should have trusted him less and his friends more, been more confident in my decisions, been quicker to nip things in the bud, etc. But we were trying to set him up for aging out of the system. My greatest accomplishment with that placement? Getting him to pass his grade level whether he wanted to or not. It wasn't easy. After taking another 6+ months off, we finally accepted another placement. This time of two toddlers. That was a much better fit for us. This time I knew that if I could handle a lying 16 year old I could handle a screaming 4 year old that took an hour to sit for a 4 minute time out. So, maybe starting with a teen had its advantages. I think more important than age are the issues. Can you handle what is being thrown at you? Yes, each developmental stage has its own unique set of needs, but you don't know that the 10 year old they are calling you about isn't acting at an 8 year old level or a 12 year old level. And even more than issues are this - can the BOTH of you work through this together? The teen really pushed some of DH's buttons, things that I didn't think were that big of an issue. Then the toddlers came and DH was a godsend in the evenings helping me with them. It really is team work and you need to make sure it doesn't come between the two of you.