What happens to the babies who are not adopted?

We've adopted several children. Five infants...two internationally and three domestically. The last three (still at home) are all AA (we are seemingly CC); and, we've just updated our homestudy with the hopes of adopting one more AA baby---if we can find a situation with reasonable fees, that is.... I've seen adoption fees raise ridiculously so...to the point that I fully believe many more people---regardless of what color they are---cannot adopt, simply because of that fact. I find agencies seem to be getting greedier and greedier; and.....I'm finding that more and more monies are required for emom expenses (and I'm NOT talking about work related or medical expenses). I find this trend upsetting to say the least...for all involved. To answer a question about other countries and what happens to 'their' children in country that might be abused and neglected: I know when I attended school and lived in Japan many years ago, the country had orphanages where a birthmother could place her newborn and keep it there until the child reached the age of 18yrs. The country would literally raise the child for the bios, and the child was NEVER allowed to be adopted---either by Japanese nationals OR foreign country folks---UNLESS the bios agreed to adoption. Even now, I'm told it's very difficult to adopt from Japan...and I suspect the reasoning is still the same. I've heard of other countries who practice this same thing, which is incredibly horrid, as far as I'm concerned, but true, nonetheless. And then, there are countires that won't allow adoption until the child is much, much older. Many people don't want to go through situations such as that; so there you go. Sometimes, there are far too many obstacles for hopeful adoptive parents to go through in order to adopt. Sadly, some of those are totally unnecessary (as in the ever-raising fees), but they exist even so. Sincerely, Linny

Can anyone who had a short wait PM me with their agency? As you might remember we've been waiting 7 months to adopt an AA baby girl.

Congrats...I know your baby will find you, just like all your others have :)

Thanks aclee......I hope you're right; but like I mentioned, those ever-raising fees are making it very difficult...... :( And, if by chance, we don't have another (though we just paid for our updated homestudy...sigh)........then we'll be happy with the ones we do have! They ARE such a joy for us.... :) Sincerely, Linny

Communication between states, agencies, and adoption professionals is quite poor. So, an agency in Mississippi may not be able to find parents for a black baby because they don't think of contacting agencies in Washington, or because those agencies aren't networking, or the social workers don't return calls, etc.Many agencies have their own rules. They discriminate on the basis of religion, sexual orientation, marital status, or age. IMO, agencies should not be able to do this. I can't use several agencies because we don't go to church. I have friends who are gay who have more doors closed to them than open. Try being a single MAN and adopting privately. So, agencies play by their rules and charge often insane fees, and babies aren't placed. Hopefully, the birthmothers or relatives are able to parent some of these babies well. I imagine a lot get sent to foster care, and many are parented by someone who doesn't really want to parent. :hippie:

I have to tell you that if these "surplus" AA kids are sent to foster care then they are not just being given to parents who are "stuck" with them. There are a ton of people who are on waiting lists for foster to adopt for babies, black/white/hispanic/purple polka dotted. These are often people who see the fees as unrealistic for thier family. They wait patiently for a baby that no one else wants/can care for (birth parents, birth family) when a prospective "paying" family is not found the baby is placed in foster care with an eagerly awaiting family who can then adopt him/her. I know this happens, my son's finalization is tomorrow at 230pm. He was 2 days old when I brought him home from the hospital. I paid $241 TOTAL for his adoption, the state will refund me $201 in about 6 weeks. It doesn't happen all of the time, and yes if you do foster care to adopt there can be heartbreaking times, but you choose to do adopt only which means you will only get legally-free children/babies, which means no risk. I live in a rural community, WE ARE TALKING AMISH PEOPLE, and I know at least 20 families that I know have adopted babies in this manner in the last 18 mos. I can't imagine what it is like in urban areas.

In our state for the foster-adopt program the birthparents have 18 months to get ttheir act together & reclaim the child before they can be adopted, & it seems like they'd rather reunite them with the birth parents no matter what. I know of at least 2 cases of that happening in our county, & both happened right before the adoption was to be final. One of them the child was born cocaine positive & the father was mentally retarded & in jail. When he got out of jail he decided he wanted the child & the court gave the child to him even though he'd never been in the child's life. We decided not to go this route because we already went through a painful disruption & could not deal with any more heartbreak. I dont understand why we're having such a hard time being matched. Other than the fact that we might look a little different, I dont know what might be wrong with us. We have very strong values that we live by & we go to church regularly. Adopting a little black girl has been my dream since I was about 11 years old. We have a pink room full of little dresses & outfits & black Cabbage Patch dolls. I've been going to garage sales & buying Gymboree outfits for her. I might be wasting my money but I love doing it because it gives me hope that one day she'll be here. I dont want to give up my dream & my husband really wants a little girl too. I want to be able to give him a family. I read a book this week about childless women & cried the whole time I read it. I dont want being childless to happen to me. I've tried to talk about this with my adoption coordinator, all she says is, "Your baby's not here yet. You just need to be more patient." I'm sick of being patient, it's been 7 months & I want my baby home!

To comment on rred's and baby2's posts.......I agree with both. If this were only true in our area of the country, baby2!!! I could love to do foster to adopt again....if this were the case. However, just as rred states, these systems vary state to state and even area to area. In this area, while the bios are supposed to only have 12months....they can do very poorly (if at all) during that time, but start to do something at the 11.5th month...and the judge will award that the case stays open for another 12months. This of course, leads to YEARS in foster care, and by the time the child is older, the chances for a 'normal childhood' are far to often lost. (Believe me, I'm well acquainted with really bad older child adoptions....) Soooo, a lot of this depends on where one lives. I dearly wish this were the case---here. But, we've tried it, and it isn't the case. As long as some judges and caseworkers will believe that the bio tie is so strong it should be in place---no matter what-----it's the way it'll stay. In the end, too often, it's the children who'll suffer; while these judges and caseworkers go home and tell themselves they've done the right thing. (sigh) Sincerely, Linny

Above poster: The babies that I was talking about, are those whose parents sign off at birth (in hospital), so they would not be able to be RU with the bparents. This is not the same as typical foster-adopt situation, these are legally-free babies (ie no risk of RU,TPR done), but they only go to already lisensed foster homes in the foster/adopt program. Our adoption finalized last wednesday and our son was only 7 mos old, it was a similar case.

Mommy2....again, if this could only be true for our area! Our last three babies' biomom made adoption plans after our babies were delivered. We were notified after this; and we are licensed adoptive parents. We've gone the foster/adopt route, and would have waited for years for even the chance of permanently parenting an infant under the age of 12months. I think it still depends on where you live and who/how the judges/caseworkers believe in a specific area. I'm just glad to know that the way our area is---isn't the way it is in some places! Sincerely, Linny

Reading your earlier posts I am so surprised to hear about the number of AA US children being adopted in other countries! We live in WI and would love to adopt a child of any race, 4 years old or younger. Our agency said we have a 12-18 month wait, and odds are we'll be matched with a CC emom. We are in the minority book also, but they have so few minority children to place in WI that they have since capped the book at 20 couples because only a couple non CC children are placed each year. Another WI agency I recently learned has approximately a 6 month wait for AA babies. Our homestudy went out once for a biracial baby, but our SW said bmom did not choose us because we are both CC. It's heartbreaking to know that our country is allowing so many children to be adopted out of our country when I (and other friends of ours) would give anything to parent these children.

If you are not financially locked into your agency I would market yourself to other agency that are looking for parents open to minority infants. Good Luck!

Ditto, look out of state. You should be able to work with any agency in the country that works out of state.

In the NJ foster care system there is very little wait time for newborn AA babies. But there are plenty of nearby cities with large groups of AA people. I imagine in states where there is a lack of AA population, there will be a lack of AA children being available for adoption.

[FONT="Trebuchet MS"]I've wondered this too. Years ago, we were beginning to think about adoption. I found a local agency online and requested an information packet on their minority program. I did not apply or anything, just asked for more info. A week later, we got a call from the agency about a possible situation (her words, not mine). They had a young woman who was due in four months with a biracial child. She also had a three month old AA baby whom they had not placed (I don't know who that baby was living with). She said that since we hadn't started any paperwork, the three month old was probably out. She wanted to know if we were interested in the unborn baby. She went on about the fees only being $22,000. At that point, we were truly only looking for info. I told her that we weren't ready to adopt right then. That whole phonecall left a bad taste in my mouth. From what she said, I realized that in our area, they don't have much interest in their minority program. They jumped at the change at an adoptive family, even though they knew nothing about us. I have often wondered what happened to those two babies. Did they find homes for them? If they didn't, did their birthmothers parent them or did they end up in foster care? The woman who was pregnant was nineteen and living with her grandmother. She already had a two year old, and her grandmother said that she couldn't raise two kids. [/FONT]