Need a little encouragement

[QUOTE=Dixie229]I am a birthmother that posted my information on the registry several months ago just after my daughter's 18th birthday. I wasn't actively searching. I just figured I'd give my daughter the opportunity to contact me when/if she was ready. Last weekend I received an email from an unknown 3rd party stating that they had texted with someone on another site whose info matched mine. (Hmmm... suspicious :eyebrows:) They asked if I would like to know where to find her posts. (Duh! Of course I wanted to know!:dance:) So I emailed back and asked for the link. As soon as I saw the posts, I knew that they had figured correctly... the young girl they talked to was my daughter! I know because she looked just like her Bfather in picture she posted. The info she posted matched the info I had. She even had her real name in her profile! (I googled it and found out she's a sophmore in college... also learned a few other small details) :banana: Anyway, I sent her an email thru the website to let her know that I might be the person she was looking for and asked her to email me back. I got a reply the next day. (Yippee! I was so happy! :cloud9:) The 3rd party that contacted me also contacted her and gave her my registry link. My daughter said she looked at the link and believed that I was her Bmom," First of all, congratulations on finding each other. " BUT... she felt everything was happening so fast that she didn't want to pursue additional contact right now. :( (Fast meaning only 4 days after her original post.)" 4 days? Wow! As an adoptee, who has been reunited with both bio parents, I would have to admit that 4 days after posting my profile would have been a bit of a surprise and shock. I think "too fast" is an understatement. It would certainly be unexpected to say the least...but a thrill none the less...just no time to process the whole idea of reunion. Because of lies I had been told by my Bmom, I assumed and expected that when I contacted my Bdad, he would hang up on me or something worse. He did the exact opposite and was thrilled. It took weeks/months for it to really sink in, and I wasn't anywhere near as young as your daughter. I was hitting 40. I can't imagine what that would do, emotionally, to someone as young as your Bdaughter. Time to process would have been good, but he and I got way too caught up in it. Take some time for yourself to process now as well. "I'm a bit disappointed, but I understand where she's coming from. I sent her another email to let her know that I understood her feelings and that I would leave any future contact up to her. I did not give her my direct contact info, but gave her the phone # and name of the person at the adoption agency that she could talk to go get my info when she's ready. Now I'm bummed. I know it was quick for her, it was for me too. She has since removed her profile from the web. :roadblock:" As soon as I reunited with Bdad, I removed my profile as well. I just didn't want that info out for the whole world to see. "I know everyone has different circumstances, etc., but I'm wondering how others have dealt with delays like this. Did you have to wait long before contact resumed? I'm frustrated. I feel like I just got a taste of crack or something and now I'm an addict. I just want more!" Goodness, you described it perfectly. lol That's exactly what it feels like. " Everything happened so quick then it stopped just as quick! Any suggestions on how to deal with this? Jen :flower: P.S. Thank you so much to whoever sent me her information. You're an angel in disguise! :thanks:[/QUOTE" You will learn to hate this word...patience. There are some great Bmoms on this form. They will give you some great advice. I wish you the best. There aren't any guarantees, but I think you will hear from her again...just give it time. I hate that one too, but that's how it is. Again, congratulations on finding your daughter. I wish you the best.

Every situation is unique. That being said, your daughter's reaction seems pretty normal even though she was searching too. When you find what you've been looking for so long, life suddenly gets very surreal. It took my daughter about a month to get back with me. It was the longest 4 weeks of my life. She hadn't been actively searching and I hear that might make the person need longer time to process. One of the other things that are true with pretty much all reunions is the need to take your time.

Dixie229 Lots of things to learn about.. lots of ways to sort this.. But as another posted.. patience.. Also look out for your fantasy of how the reunion is going to go.. or play out.. Trust me the fantasy may not happen.. Check this post out.. [url]http://forums.adoption.com/making-contact/110716-johns-colins-glorias-reunion-thread.html?#post295751[/url] Jackie

I'm well aware of the pitfalls of the "fantasy mindset" and I'm trying hard not to expect things to go a certain way. I find myself daydreaming about just about every scenario possible. :confused: I've always been the type of person that takes things as they come, however, patience hasn't always come easy. Being somewhat of a pessimist, I tend to expect the worst and be happy when things go better than expected. Thanks for all the encouragement! It's really been helpful. :thanks: Jen :flower: