Potty Training and going on 6!

I'm wondering, does your son have any attachment issues? It sounds to me like maybe this is all about control for him. This is something he can control and no matter what, you can't.I may go cross post on the special needs forum if I were you and ask if it might be attachment related. I'll think you'll get awesome advice there, too. :)Good luck!

What would happen if he had underwear on instead of a pull up? Just wet sheets or would he possibly not like the idea of the wet bed? (Some of my kids would sleep in pee and think nothing of it). Thinking the pull up may be making it too convenient for him. If it seems control related, put a plastic sheet on the bed, leave dry sheets and some kind of wipes in his room. If he wets the bed, he wipes down the mattress pad, he puts the clean sheet on, and he takes the wet ones to the laundry room(granted, at six, you're still stuck with the laundry). He also has to get up 30 min early to have time for a daily bath just in case until he can prove he can stay dry. No punishment, no sarcasm, deep empathy. Another thought, is he scared to leave his room at night to go to the bathroom? Some kids are as all the "shadow" monsters lurk in the night. Using a baby monitor so he can tell you he has to go and you can respond so he feels safe might help if this is an issue. As for school-schools have mandatory bathroom breaks. My niece couldn't stand the noise flushing toilets made and had accidents at school until she was 7(she couldn't handle the sound of the vacuum cleaner either) She has auditory processing issues. I had another child with a fear of public bathrooms. If none of those are an issue then he needs to be made responsible for keeping extra clothes at school and as much clean up as the teacher is comfortable letting him do. Good luck.

Hubby and I have thought about the control thing and beleive that is a possibility. We haven't seen any evidence of attachment problems and having been pretty diligent about keeping an eye out for it. But I do think control plays a major part. His bathroom is part of his room and as long as the lights are on, he is fine to go in there. We did figure out that lights off and he wasn't about to risk it! He could care less about sleeping in pee...doesn't bother him in the slightest. He goes to a private school and there is a bathroom in the classroom so he doesn't have to ask but there are only a few times a day he is MADE to go. I have talked to the teacher and she has said she woudl be more diligent. We did get some advice to tell him that he would have to wear a pull up to school if he kept having accidents and he hasn't had one since. Not sure yet how I feel about that advice (I don't think I could have made myself actually make him wear it! Feels too much like humiliation tactics!) but the bluff worked and we have been dry all week.

Let me start by saying I have only experienced this with my bs, not a fc. He is also 6 and had to do the laundary if he wet himself. If he had a bowel movement in this pants he had to wash his underwear in the toilet (by hand) and then scrub down the entire bathroom with a sponge because it is then 'contaminated'. Natural consequences. Once we started the above it stopped completely (at least for the last 2 weeks).

So should I ditch the pull ups? This past week he has not made it through the night once. It makes me crazy because I know he CAN! I thought about adding yet a 3rd alarm clock?

If you think he CAN go all night, I would stop providing the pull ups and do as PP suggested and supply all the clean up stuff for him. Our DD is 10 and still in pull ups at night. Sometimes has daytime accidents, but very minor and when she gets distracted. She is dry a lot now in the mornings, but not often enough for me to risk going w/out the pull up! And I don't think she can control it like your son seems to be able to.

and it's not a disciplinary issue either. Many children -- particularly boys -- will wet the bed at night until they are as old as 7, 9 or even 12. Let me ask you this? Is making him dry at night worth a child's self esteem? My son, who is now 18, wet the bed frequently until he was almost 8. I didn't make a fuss about it at all. Kept only a cotton blanket and bottom sheet on the bed, with a plastic mattress cover underneath, and if he had an accident, I would grab the wet bedding and pjs, and dump them in the washer on the way out in the morning. When we got home in the evening, I'd toss them in dryer and then get him to help me re-make the bed at bedtime. No big deal. Eventually he was dry. Let it go...help him understand that you don't care about it, it's not a big deal. He's more important than a bit of pee! Robin

In addition to removing the pull ups (since it does seem like he can go if he wants to), have you stopped all fluid intake after 6 pm? If he is in the habit of drinking anything at all after that, and not going right before bed, he might have too full of a bladder. You might also consider waking him up nightly for a week to take him to the bathroom yourself. Granted, you'll be tired too, but if he knows you are going to wake him up and he doesn't get the choice to ignore the alarm clock, he might decide this isn't a battle he wants.

We thought that "big boy" underwear would be enough of a motivator that he would want to stay dry at night to quit wearing the Pull Ups. I can see now that the Pull Ups are allowing him to stay in bed which is a greater reward! I know it would be for me! Ha! One more question, at what point (if any) does this become a disciplinary problem? We also deal with many areas of just flat defiance...which is a discipline issue. Many mornings when he wakes up wet, we will try to help him determine why that happened and it typically comes down to...he knows he should have gotten up and he didn't want to so he staying in bed and pee'd. There have been other times where he will tell us he didn't hear the alarm (he can be a very hard sleeper too). But he does know the difference and so I know he isn't just telling us he chose to stay in bed to hide embarrassment. The fact that he is a hard sleeper was the point of the alarm clocks in the first place. If he doesn't hear them, we go upstairs and wake him. But more often than not, he hears them, gets up, turns them off and just goes back to bed. So back to the original thought...when is this less a potty training issue and more a defiance issue?

The points you raise are exactly the issues I struggle with. Given his responses, I have a difficult time understanding how it isn't a choice. I know there are MANY and probably the majority of children with these issues that are biological and/or uncontrollable. Maybe I am just dense, but I honestly am not seeing that in this situation. I understand what you are saying, I have read every book I can find on the subject! I just feel Moms are more experts at this than many of the "experts"! Of course a little bit of pee is not worth his self esteem. But I also do not want to send mixed signals if it is a defiance issue. Our therapist has been very adamant on that point. Due to some history, our consistency is KEY and if we don't maintain control as parents (in the case this is a control issue?) our therapist has warned we are in for a very long and hard road ahead. Clearly I want to do what is best for my son if I am bothering to ask the question and I truly appreciate all your input.

I think you've been given a lot of good advice here, JP. I like the idea of removing pull-ups and making him remove the sheets, wipe down the mattress pad and change the sheets.I hope you find something that works for your family!

As the mom of a 10 year old who still wets most nights, I know all to well that for many children it is something they can not control. But since you said that he will tell you that he was too tired to get up to go and that he can stay dry when there is a reward involved it really doesn't sound like something he can't control but something he is choosing not to do. I tend to agree with Crick that I would start with limiting fluids and if you can, personally wake him and make sure he goes to the bathroom. Kind of both making him see that you are in charge, while also hopefully making it a battle he decides isnt' worth fighting. Good luck!!

You just described our son...I was tearing my hair out. He came home from overseas p-trained (more or less) and then regressed. Extremely unpleasant and stressful (by the way, he is seven). We went back and forth...was it a physical or behavioural problem? Basically he did not want to stop whatever fun he was having to go. We tried having him do his own laundry, took away priveledges etc. In the end, the only thing that seemed to work was going back to training him again, which meant telling him to go often, (he had to go try, no matter what) and having him sit on the john several times a day and try. We bugged him about it until he got really tired of all the reminders. We also told him to stop and think about if he felt that he needed to go or not. He finally got it together on a trip to NY. We were in the subway a lot with people all around and I think he finally realized that people would catch on if he smelled and that it would be really embarassing. I think having him wear regular pants also motivated him to not wet (he knew his little friends would see). Hope this helps. I know how it is...I was tearing my hair out and completely grossed out with his, well, all of it!

Have you talked to your pediatrician and ruled out any physical causes? It can be really hard to sort out a behvioral issue from just bedwetting that he can't help. I was a bedwetter till I was 12!!! And I hated it and could not control it. It was not every night, but it was also not on purpose.Besides the cost, what is the downside of the pullups?

Just wanted to note that this thread was from Feb. of this year and was just bumped back up.