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I am on another adoption Forum and I had wrote this Birthmoter Adopting with a Question. < Rahulsey > 03/30 08:28:30 "I placed my Child up for adoption 8 years ago and she is now nine - She was 8 months when I placed her. The hardest thing in my life to do . I have a wonderful relationship with her Adoptive parents and her. She and I are very close. I can see her whenever I want and vice vera. I now have three beautiful boys as well and am looking to adopt. My daughter and her adoptive parents are so supportive. I am looking forward to having the same relationship to the brithparents as I have with the adoptive parents to my daughter. However I have been told there are certain intances where the mother my not what to have connection. Is this common? " and this is the responce I got "Why aren't you satisfied with raising 3 boys? You gave a child up and now you want to rectify that by adopting, I suspect. It is totally normal for a woman who adopts a child to be left to raise it without the interference of the bio mom who gave them up. Duh!" How could people be so hurtful and she just kept attcking me from there... I am just soooo upset.
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"Why aren't you satisfied with raising 3 boys? You gave a child up and now you want to rectify that by adopting, I suspect. It is totally normal for a woman who adopts a child to be left to raise it without the interference of the bio mom who gave them up. Duh!"sounds like a blog I came across. All birthmoms are an interference in their childs lives and that is why adoptive parents chose open adoption : no visits and 3rd party as middle man.
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So I decided that I will no longer be apart of that forum. It was just so negative to everyone on there. I just dont get how people can be so heartless. They have no business even being in there when they didn't adopt or aren't birthparents in the first place. Thank you so much for all of your support - I am so glad that I have found this place where there are people who do understand me and who I feel. :thanks:
Good lord, this was on another ADOPTION forum?? That response (and any others like it) was inexcusable. You do not need to justify your reasons for wanting to adopt. And I think it's wonderful you have such a great OA and would like a similar experience. You have the support of your daughter, her parents, and I imagine other friends and family, and of course, I cannot imagine you getting nothing but support here. So to HECK with the other board!!
Wow! People seem to always have an opinion on something now a days dont let her get to you thats what she wants you have all right to do as you feel capable of. Plus i look at opinons like a**holes everyone has one but sometimes they stink. No reason to be involved in negative people. Good luch and welcome aboard :flower:
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Oh the beauty of the internet!! Type "adoption" in a search and anything is possible. Sorry you ended up on one of "those" sites. Just don't ever go back there or try to explain or justify your decision as it will only fuel things. I can say for certain that you will not get that kind of response here. EZ
I have found that the forums here are much more open minded about OA than most sites are. When I had first got into foster care to adopt, I was open to having OA with my kids' bios. The board I was on at the time told me I would be ruining my kids' lives, I was going to have to co-parent with whackos, blah, blah, blah. I couldn't handle it. I don't remember who recommended this site to me, but everyone was very respectful to me when I joined. Even though it's very rare to have OA in fostering cases, no one called me stupid or said that I was ruining my kids' lives. Welcome to the board! What kind of adoption are you involved in doing? International, foster/adopt, older kid adoption or infant adoption?
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Wow so you surely understand :) I have been very lucky to have found this site. I am looking to adopt a child under 2 we would love an infant too but would be happy either way. It hasnt been easy thats for sure. I just refuse to go through an agency. Being a birthmother i just feel its so wrong to use a child for a buisness to make so much money its rediculous. but thats just my opinion. 23 kids how do you do it ... i would e so sad to see them go... my heart would break every time..
rahulsey
Being a birthmother i just feel its so wrong to use a child for a buisness to make so much money its rediculous. but thats just my opinion.
I think it's wonderful that you are planning to adopt and that adoption was a great thing for you and that you want to have that same experience again but with roles reversed. It sounds to me like this (ahem... uneducated person) doesn't have a clue. I think it's great that you want this experience. I do caution you that even in open adoptions it's hard to find the mix that you and I were blessed to find once. Not every first mom wants that much openness (my first DD's first mom is not as open as I'd like her to be; although she said that she wanted a really open adoption in the begging) so you'll have to make sure you find a REAL good fit! :) Don't let ignorant people deter you. Good luck to you sweetie and I agree don't go back there!
I am sorry. I am not satisfied with the decision you have taken.If you love your daughter that much then why are you given her to adopted parents. Its a cruelty you are done to your child. I want to say something to students.Those who need the [URL="http://essaywriting-servicereviews.com/"]coursework writing service[/URL] they can refer this link.
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But this is not for you to be satisfied with. I placed my sweet girl 15 years ago... This isn't something that happened yesterday. It's not something you need to be ok with.... I have contact with her and see her and she calls me mom... Our relationship is beautiful and she is happy and understands why she was placed for adoption... Would you rather people have abortions then place a child they are unable to raise because they do not have the means to do so. My reasoning is not for your understanding or satisfaction... Don't use my tread as a way to teach others that adoption is a horrible thing because it is not.
rahulsey
But this is not for you to be satisfied with. I placed my sweet girl 15 years ago... This isn't something that happened yesterday. It's not something you need to be ok with.... I have contact with her and see her and she calls me mom... Our relationship is beautiful and she is happy and understands why she was placed for adoption... Would you rather people have abortions then place a child they are unable to raise because they do not have the means to do so. My reasoning is not for your understanding or satisfaction... Don't use my tread as a way to teach others that adoption is a horrible thing because it is not.