A couple of questions

Seriously if that is what your adoption agency says to do....run, run fast, don't look back... DO NOT SIGN UNTIL YOU ARE READY 100%... Kind regards,Dickons (adoptee from the closed era...)

Thanks to everyone for their input. I am not going to sign the TPR until I am 100% sure of my decision, I just needed someone to reaffirm my gut instincts. As far as the hospital goes I still haven't made any decisions. Most likely I will be going through L&D solo and I'm not all that fond of my OB (although I am eternally greatful to his generosity when it comes to my prenatal care costs). I just think a rude nurse or staff would be the last straw for me. With 29 days to go I am still struggling with my decision. I am wishing I was much younger and more naive. As it is every ounce of reality tells me that I have NO business parenting, but there's that hormonally challenged part that says, but I don't WANT to go through adoption. So the internal debate continues. I really, really appreciate all of the advice and support that I have gotten through this board. Although I know that I am the only one that can make this decision it helps just to know that there are others that have been where I'm at and survived. Hugs to all of you.

Without reading any of the posts please do NOT sign the TPR before birth. Folly I just read your last post and you are wise to follow your gut and not sign. While I am far from anti adoption I firmly believe when an emom like yourself posts about not being sure that is that small voice inside you that is wanting to parent. Now I cannot make a decision for you nor can anyone else, but I can make a suggestion or two.. I am not a bmom but I have my own children that I parented. I promise you this, once you hold that miracle in your arma and look down at that little face that came from your body, you will fall in love like no other love you have ever experienced. This is not hormones this is a God given instinct that a mother has. Please spend time with your baby as much as you can. If possible take your baby home . Adoption does not have an expiration date so you can always decide on an adopton plan anytime later down the line if you so choose to. Again that little internal debate is not 100% hormones . Adoption is a PERMANANT soultion to Temporary problems and situations. Situations , finances, living arrangemnets are all suseptable to change, once you sign your rights away there is no turning back. Many times self doubt causes an emom to go through with an adoption plan, they fail to see that they can and will be awesome mothers. I pray that you are able to come to a desicion that you are truly at peace with. And yes many bmoms do survive an adoption, but they also live with a lifetime of pain wishing they could turn back the hands of time to have done things differently. EZ

Have you considered a doula? They are there to support you and many of them volunteer. I can help you find one if you like. Here's some info on them. [url=http://www.dona.org/mothers/index.php]DONA International – What is a doula?[/url]

I know the hospital I went ot was very helpfull in the maternaty ward. The reception desk didn't want to let her parents and the agency worker up though. I had told them prior that I was expecting them but they had just enough difficulty getting the go ahead to miss the birth by a few minutes. SE was in NICU for a week and the nurses/staff bent the rules so that I didn't have to escort her parents in everyday after i was discharged. They let me sign an initial surender before i left so they could be there everyday. They told me they nurses were very nice to them the whole time. My biggest advice to anyone is to be completely sure before deciding to parent or not. Don't let your head take complete control. You may be able to quite it for short periods of time, but it's my experience that our hearts will never let us forget the things that they truly desired but we denied them. You know what's best for you and that baby. And I believe every woman has the strength to do what's best as well.

Folly, About the hospital, I had a wonderful experience. The doctor, and nurses and staff all knew in advance. They were kind and accommodating. One nurse came in and let me cry on her shoulder in the middle of the night. Even though it was a painful experience, I don't regret it at all. I am/was completely at peace with giving her up for adoption. I think sometimes we feel if we are hurting, then it must not be okay. Relinquishing is painful, but sometimes it's just the right thing, and you can have peace about it. Blessings

When my daughter was going through her decision, this pamphlet helped us a lot to consider the realities of both choices.My daughter decided to parent before the birth of her child. Her son is now four and she is very happy with her decision. Her dad and I provide a lot of support (not so much financially, but helping with day care). My point is that, if you are considering parenting, before birth, you must have a concrete plan in place to provide for your child. Good luck!![FONT=Arial][URL="http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1"]"What you should KNOW if you're considering adoption for your baby"[/URL]

[url]http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1[/url]

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I just wanted to update this thread quickly. The day that I was supposed to meet with the adoption agency to finalize a family my water broke. Needless to say that meeting was cancelled and when I didn't have a definate home for my daughter at the time of discharge I brought her home. At the time I thought it would just be for the weekend. Then the weekend turned into a week and a week to ten days. Finally my SO informed me that I better start calling my family. I have since shocked the heck out of everyone I knew. My daughter will be six weeks old on Thursday. I still am not sure I made the best decision for her - there are so many "better" homes out there. However it was the only decision that I could live with and I am doing everything I can to give her the best life possible. It hasnt' been easy, but it has been worth it. I never had that moment where I knew what the right decision was. I really thought it would happen. I am very glad that no one other than my SO, Dr.s and one friend knew about the pregnancy before I made my decision. I never wanted to feel pressured and I didn't. It did surprise me that people I dealt with regularly never even guessed. Anyhow, I wish you all the best of luck and have a million THANK YOU's for all the support that you gave me. If anyone ever reads this thread and has questions I really hope they will pm me. For me parenting was the right option, but I am glad for all of the research and support I got from cyber friends that led me down the path I chose.

Hey Folly! Congratulations on your baby girl! I'm adopted and just adopted a baby girl last November... I had a couple of questions for you if you feel comfortable answering them. When you thought about adoption....was it just the financial aspect-not being able to provide financially etc that drew you most to considering adoption? How is your life different now that you are parenting? Have you found support, not only financially but in other ways that you thought you'd never have? When you look back before your baby was born, were you just scared to become a parent or questioned your ability to raise a child that made you think about adopting? How has the agency that you worked with treated you since your decision to parent? Did they ever make you feel a certain way when you made that decision? And...had you chosen a waiting adoptive couple/single yet prior to your baby's birth? Or been shown profiles? IF so, just wondering what your thoughts are on choosing adoptive parents and then deciding to parent affected you or them. Thank you for any insight!

Folly, thanks for coming back and updating us, and congratulations on your daughter!!! :love:

Congratulations! I am glad that you updated and enjoy your new daughter.

It sounds like you made a desion by not making a decsion! I hope for nothing but thebest for you and your baby.....motherhood is hard no matter what but like you said its so worth it. BTW... you are the better life for your baby....

Goodness gracious!! Give your sweet baby girl a cyber hug from your/her cyber friends!!I recommend that you trust your "gut" instincts. It is clear to me that your daughter has found her best home - that would be be right where she is - with her mom.

Congrats! Wow! Thanks for the update. And the pps are right, you ARE the best home for your little girl. :-)

Thanks all for your vote of confidence and congrats, I truly am blessed by this unexpected surprise. I don't mind answering questions at all because I hope that my experience can somehow help other people out there as they struggle to make the best decision for their situation. My initial decision to place my baby for adoption was based on many things. First was financial, I made stupid decisions when I was young and I have a lot of debt. I do not have health insurance and I am mainly self employed so I am not elegible for any of the gov't programs in the state due to them counting income but not expenses. The baby's dad travels a lot so basically I am a single parent. I have a job where I work outside most of the time regardless of the weather and I work long hours seven days a week. I dont' take vacations or days off. It is a lifestyle that I have CHOSEN and I didn't think it was fair to force it on another being. Now that I am parenting I dont' get as much done. I spend more time sitting on the couch and I am sleep deprived. I also have this amazing human being that constantly surprises me. Not really, I was realistic about what I was getting into. I wasn't really scared about my ability to parent, but about my ability to juggle everything and my willingness to sacrifice myself for the needs of another. I was also worried about being able to provide for her financially. I am still worried, but it's all working out somehow. The agency rep was wonderful, very understanding. I thinks he still worries about my ability to juggle everything, but she was supportive. I had looked at profiles and picked out a family for my baby, but I had NOT met them and they did not know of my decision. Honestly, I am the type that could not have promised a child to someone and backed out and I think that's why I drug my heels about meeting any prospective families. I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up until I was 100% sure of my decision. IF so, just wondering what your thoughts are on choosing adoptive parents and then deciding to parent affected you or them.[/QUOTE] I do not think badly of any mom's that did pick out parents and backed out. I feel sorry for the Pap's, but I would hate to hear that someone gave up their baby only out of a sense of obligation. I hope this helps some, congrats on your new addition.