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I know that many women have their peferences when it comes to the age and gender of their child for various reason. I was wondering for prospective fathers what preferences do you guys have? Do you just go with what your wife/ partner wants or do you guys negotiate and come to some middle ground?
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I don't know whether I'm qualified to reply, since I'm an adoptive mother, but here goes. My husband & I adopted a one year old boy last spring, while waiting for our China adoption to progress (now at a wait of 2.5 years with no end in sight). We'd originally wanted to adopt a baby girl and then, perhaps, a boy. I was able to convince my husband to adopt a boy first (we adopted our son from Vietnam, which didn't allow parents to specify a gender for a first child meaning that we knew we'd get a boy because the orphanages had a surplus of boys) with the assumption that we'd eventually get a daughter. Now, we're exploring options for a 2nd child and my husband is very much set on adopting a baby girl, without any special needs, the younger the better while I'm willing to be more flexible. I'd prefer a baby girl too but I'd be willing to accept a boy or an older toddler, or a child with some special needs (or some combination of the three).
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My DH and I were totally in agreement on our first adoption... girl (although we weren't allowed to specify, and would have been thrilled with a boy as well), newborn, healthy. Exactly what we got. Now I think DH wants another girl, while I'd rather leave it open, or possibly even specify a preference for a boy. Both of us aren't interested in the newborn stage again, but still likely want to maintain birth order which means we'll stay pretty young with our requests, unless we happen to find an older child that would be a really good fit.
My wife wanted a girl and I wanted a boy for our first adoption so we decided to make it fair and be open to both and see where that leads us. Statistically we will be more likely to get a boy since there are more boys in the system but you never now. I will be happy either way. My wife wanted to be open to a newborn to 2 years old I was willing to be open to a child 10 or younger. We decided on being open to children 5 and younger. If we happen to come across a child in a photolisting between 5 and 10 years old we will be open that that child as an individual and take it from there. But right now we are just :coffee: waiting for the darn:phone: to ring.
My husband alway wanted a daughter. We had two bio sons but I was unable to any more children. Our daughter is his everything. I have to remind him that his little girl will grow up to be a teenager and he is setting the ground work now for behavior. Took a while but he now get's it. She is still Daddy's little girl.
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We have one bio Dd and were unable to have more bio children. We were open to either gender, with possibly a bit of a lean toward a girl. Dh never had any particular longing for either gender, specifically. Just wanted to have more kids. We did discuss adopting a girl, but when it came down to it we weren't adamant about it.As we read through the little biographies of the waiting children we found that gender wasn't our first consideration at all, so it kind of took a back burner throughout the whole adoption process. In the end we adopted four times and were matched with 3 boys and 1 girl. This wasn't so much by design as just how things worked out.
I a single adoptive father of three I have a set of twins age ten , my youngest is 7 years old. they were my foster children first then I decided to adopt them , my set of twin I had them for 5 years and my youngest for 2 years. where does the time go huh ? they are my heart . I love my sons with all my heart . I love being a single father . but it does come with chalenges like people seem to think that single guys shouldn't be single parents. like when i take my kids to school they kiss me good by . people just stare at you like you are some perv or something . see my youngest is white and older twins are puerto rican . So people don't realize that my youngest , is my son. but thats ok I find that people who have these kind of attitudes are haters anyway because you have something they don't have . and thats a family full of love . when you adopt a child that means you are ready to have a family . most people have unplanned pregnicy so they struggles to care for their kids . they never had the oppitunity to plan to be a parent , and have the support of family to have a child.
I was fully open to a boy or girl, my wife was leaning more for a boy. We where first enrolled with a agency which only worked with China. As my wife family being Chinese it seemed like a great road to take. Well that road ended up have a road block for us so we looked at several other programs from adoption of a child from 5 or under, to local programs and foster care. We felt that we where still a younger couple an decided to go for a newborn, as it would be nice to have experiences a baby at less ounces. We ended up with just the cuties little girl, and my wife was able to be in the delivery room for her birth, which meet a ton for her as we couldn't have our own children. The last six months with a newborn has been great and we are so happy that we decided to adopt a newborn.
My wife and I are just starting the adoption process. We have been trying fertility treatments for years without success. We have always hoped for a girl, even though we would have been blessed with any gender. We just wanted a baby. Now with the option of being able to get the gender we want, we couldn't be happier. My wife has a 16 year old son from a previous relationship and desperately wants a daughter. I myself can't ask for a better step-son, and would be happy to raise a girl. I definately want to do everything I can to make my wife happy, but I genuienly want a girl. I feel that with a girl, I would avoid the pitfalls of pushing the child too hard to be what I want, instead of just letting them be themselves. I also feel that an addition of a little girl will complete our family. I think whatever gender you and your wife decide on is a personal decision. Whatever choice you make, for whatever reason, is correct for your situation and your family. As long as you have love to give to a child, and are open and honest, you should be able to have the option to at least hope for the gender that you both want.
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We are in total disagreement on the age in our house! I say a 0-4 he says 5-8 both of us want another girl. He claims to not want to have to do all the "baby" things again. As a stay at home mom I say he never did all the baby things with the our bio 3! I think with an older kid you have more long term trauma and those ages they are most likely already in school and that doesn't leave much bonding time before they are gone to school for 7 hours a day. We are at the point of agreeing to disagree and letting the good Lord give us what he feels we need.
Thank you for your post, I am just starting the adoption process in Florida and am going to be a single dad. Any thoughts or advice would be welcome.
I have taken the first step of scheduling the required class 10 weeks called PRIDE, and have let my family and friends know I'm planning this. Reactions were not what I expected in most cases, but I'm not deterred.
When my husband and I started fostering we were raising my then 13yo niece. Having raised a girl since birth I really wanted a boy. He has 4 sisters and is the only boy in his family (wanting to carry on the family name and all he wanted a boy too!) 5 years later we're raising two daughters. LOL guess just like in nature we didn't end up choosing the sex of either child :) and we couldn't be happier. My husband says that he thinks he was destined to be a father to nothing but girls! :) He has a house full of them!
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As far as boy vs girl we really just wanted a mixed house. The sex of the child really wasn't a focus in the end, though I will admit learning to braid hair was interesting :).
Age gets tricky. If you are fostering to adoption here are the things you should consider:
1) Foster kid should be younger than your other kids.
2) Everyone wants babies, so if you want a child sooner you will increase you chances by increasing the age range to older kids.
3) the older they get the harder it is to form a bond, especially for your wife.